Slaminky Malargy

Day 21

2011-11-21T23:17:00.002-05:00

Day 21

I didn't write this weekend because I spent all of Saturday drinking. If you tried to get a beer in Columbus, I apologize, because I drank all of them.

My good friends Jeff and Lauren got engaged on the 50 yard line of Ohio Stadium before the OSU v PSU game, and I went down to celebrate/tailgate with them. Then we went back to their parents' house for an engagement party where I proceeded to drink copious amounts of champagne, challenge friends to dance offs, sing/scream "Faithfully" by Journey, and steal a chocolate cake at the end of the night. You definitely want to invite me to parties.

Subsequently, I spent most of my Sunday in bed with a crippling hangover. As of right now, I plan on never drinking again. That is, until Wednesday evening, because it's the night before Thanksgiving, and who doesn't booze then?

Now Playing: "Ultimatum" by The Long Winters

Day 18

2011-11-18T20:04:00.002-05:00

Day 18: What has been the happiest moment of your life thus far?

I just sat here for the last 20 minutes, staring at a blank wall trying to figure out the happiest moment in my life. I have been blessed to have many happy moments, but I think my happiest moment was back in May of 2005 during Memorial Day weekend.

A big group of friends and I went to Gatlinburg for the holiday, and it was a weekend full of debauchery and dance parties. On the second day, we went cabrewing, and I remember thinking, between the big bouts of laughter, that "life didn't get much better than this." The sun was shining, I was surrounded by 20+ of my good friends, the river was high and the beer was cold. I couldn't have asked for more.

The other time that comes to mind is when I was young, in the age range of 4-6. Mom and Dad piled Megs and myself into our big blue van, and told us to bring our blankies; we were going out for a surprise. It was August and the sun wasn't staying out as late and we drove down 71 South at dusk. In the distance I saw the blinking lights of the Ferris Wheel. Mom and Dad were taking us to the Ohio State fair! I was so overcome with happiness and excitement and utter surprise, I started to cry. I will never forget that moment.

Now Playing: "Killing the Blues" by Robert Plant & Alison Krause

Day 17

2011-11-17T22:57:00.002-05:00

Day 17: Make a list of everyone you've ever had a crush on in your life, then choose one from the list and describe him or her in great detail.

Wooooo boy. I'm what doctors call "boy crazy." For me to make a list of EVERY crush I've EVER had, the world would run out of paper. I'm serious. I remember having crushes as early as three years old, in preschool. I've always been a admirer of boys, so it's probably a good thing that that admiration wasn't always reciprocated, because I would have probably been Slutty McSlut from Slutsville. God works in mysterious ways.

I will pick a former crush that had been substantial, but I will not give a timeline, because that could incriminate myself.

This crush is a college graduate who went on to become a professor at his alma mater. His birthday is four days before mine; I guess I have a thing for Geminis. He likes all the same music as I do, has a similar upbringing and respect for his parents, and loves sports... although maybe a little too much. He smokes cigarettes, which is usually a huge turnoff, but I kind of didn't/don't care, which is weird. He's smart, he speaks eloquently, enjoys beer and tying one on as much as me. He plays the guitar and soccer, and has a great sense of humor and an easy laugh. He's responsible enough to own a home, but also not responsible enough to quit smoking pot on occasion. He voted for Obama in the last election and can play a mean air piano. I don't know how he feels about Otis Redding, which could be a deal breaker.

And... I hope he never reads this blog, or I would die.

Now Playing: "Remember Me" by Otis Redding

Day 16

2011-11-16T22:56:00.002-05:00

Day 16: Describe a favorite place. Focus on how that place affects your sense of taste, touch, sight, sound, or smell.

Is it sad that I can't think of a favorite place? I would think that I favorite place would be somewhere I've visited more than once. I am completely blanking. These are such serious questions, I was clearly not prepared.

There are lots of places that I love: the Luxembourg gardens in Paris, a seat at a dark bar, the beach when there isn't a cloud in the sky, my bed after a long day, High Street in Oxford, Ohio to name a few.

I would have to say that my all-time favorite place would be sitting at my parents' kitchen table with them and my sister, eating a homemade meal or playing Gin and listening to music. When the four of us get together, we laugh so much and I honestly leave feeling so light, so happy. With anything, too much is never a good thing. If I were to live there, or go over every night, I wouldn't enjoy those get-togethers as much. It's just nice to be 100% comfortable and 100% loved.

I think it's just that simple. The food is always delicious. The beer is always cold. The company is always, well, the best.

Now Playing: "Northern Sky" by Nick Drake

Day 15

2011-11-15T23:01:00.002-05:00

Day 15: What is the moment that you leave childhood and enter adulthood?

Yeesh. This is a good question today. I wish I had given myself more than 40 minutes to come up with a decent post. I think this is especially difficult, because I often have to remind myself that I am an adult.

I don't believe there was one specific time or event that I can look back on and say, "that is when I became a woman." It sure as hell wasn't the day I got my period, or when I got my first bra. That's just puberty. It wasn't when I got my driver's license. That just meant that I got to drive to school, work, dance class and softball practice.

I guess I left "childhood" when I started babysitting, and the lives of others were my responsibility. No doubt there were times when I would still act childish, but those times happen occasionally at 29-years-old as well as when I started babysitting at age 11.

There are moments in my life where I still wonder when I'm going to feel like an adult, or what I'll be when I grow up. Does anyone else feel that way? Or am I the only one who doesn't have this whole adulthood thing figured out?

Now Playing: "When I Grow Up to Be a Man" by The Beach Boys

Day 14

2011-11-14T23:18:00.003-05:00

Day 14: Have you faced fears and overcome them?

Who hasn't? I mean, I guess a few people become agoraphobes and never leave their house in fear that they might have a panic attack, but most everyone else has had to overcome something they were afraid of. (To lazy not to end my sentence with a preposition.)

There have been plenty of times when I faced my fears. A few examples:

- I went to school everyday in middle school even when I knew that I would be made fun of/bullied. I occasionally, though awkwardly, stood up for myself and although it didn't have any teen-flick turnout, it made me a stronger person in the end.

- Pooping in a public restroom. The alternative was pooping my pants. No thanks.

- I gave a few speeches in high school and college where I had to get up in front of a large audience. I'm not sure I could do it now, but I did it then, and didn't faint or get a nose bleed.

Fears I don't see myself overcoming:

- Snakes. I recently had a run in with a 5 inch snake in my parents' garage and I ran away, screaming and crying. It was a really weak moment for me, but I had not been that scared in a long time. It's getting so bad that I can't even look at a picture of a snake. The Harry Potter movies even got a little touch and go for awhile. They are just so terrifying.

Now Playing: "Bloodbuzz Ohio" by The National

Day 13

2011-11-13T21:42:00.002-05:00

Day 13: Free writing

I did nothing noteworthy today, except get in a text argument with my ex-boyfriend and a real argument with my sister. Both about nothing. One I started, and one I didn't. The constant in both of these situations is me, but I will only take responsibility for one of them.

My sister has since retired to her bedroom, and it seems my ex has fallen asleep, so now, I'm sitting in front of my computer debating on what to do for the rest of the night. In all my wisdom, I took a 2 hour nap on the couch after I watched a 2 hour movie. I was incredibly unproductive today, and although that was my Sunday plan, I'm kind of regretting it now.

Free writing is boring if you don't have something to talk about. So here's a really cute picture of baby elephants:

Now Playing: "Nice Day for Sulk" by Belle and Sebastian

Day 12

2011-11-12T23:51:00.002-05:00

Day 12: More free writing

Since my three wishes yesterday were pretty serious, I thought of three more frivolous things I could wish for.

1. A fountain pop machine in my home that never need refilling. All day everyday, I would have access to delicious fountain sodas. But my machine also has a Brita water filter built in, and can dispense cold water, which is delightful.

2. An English Bulldog that can use the toilet, so I never have to pick up his poop.

3. The perfect fitting pair of jeans that never wears out, doesn't fade and always fits me well, even after I've eaten a big meal.

Now Playing: "Bullet" by Frank Black

Day 11

2011-11-11T16:07:00.002-05:00

Day 11: It's 11/11/11, make three wishes.

Well, one of my everyday wishes was granted; I'm about to leave the office early to go drink beer! Yay!

But here are my 3 wishes off the top of my head:

1. I wish my parents, sister and I were debt free.

2. I wish I had a body with metabolism that let me anything I wanted without gaining weight, and in shape enough to run a mile or 2 without sucking air. It would also be nice to have some foot-speed when running the bases, but I guess that would be another wish. God, I'm so slow.

3. I wish a certain someone would realize we would be perfect together and fall in love with me already.

Now Playing: "Love Me Like a Rock" by Paul Simon

Day 10

2011-11-10T22:08:00.002-05:00

Day 10: What is your secret (or not-so-secret) passion?

I really love to sing. This isn't really a secret. I would love to make a living at it, but I've never put the necessary time and energy that is necessary. I've sung with some guitarists, and I even tried out for a band once but they sang really cheesy pop-rock, like Sheryl Crow's "Soak Up the Sun" so it was for the best that things never really worked out with that.

The biggest problem that I have run into is that I can't play the piano or guitar, or any instrument where I could accompany myself. Most people I meet who want to perform, usually like to sing the songs themselves. Because let's face it, singing puts you in the limelight, and guitarists who also sing don't want to be the backing band. Which is understandable.

The last guys I sang with are around my parents' age. One of the guys, I'll call him Joe, I had been singing with since I was around 20, and he and I are pretty close. Joe is a really talented musician who can play a variety of instruments and he and I have a lot of fun. He genuinely seems to have fun when we sing together.

The other guy, (Let's call him Ted) well... he doesn't like to share the stage with me. Ted makes that very clear while we are in rehearsals, and is very critical of my voice and my performing ability. He has, on numerous occasions, made me feel like I couldn't carry a tune even if I had a bucket, which was really discouraging. I would leave practice defeated and often would cry most of my drive home. (I'm really hard on myself.) In his slight defense, Ted was never outwardly mean, but rather very skilled at backhanded remarks. In public, at shows he would fawn over me and tell the audience how lucky he was that I was singing with them. Very strange.

Personally, I think it has something to do with a short man's complex, and that I was stealing his thunder a bit. (Side note: this guy has the smallest feet I have ever seen. I seriously don't know how he keeps his balance.) It didn't help that some of his fans would ask him to let me sing more songs. I'm not tooting my own horn, I promise. I just think there are so many dudes playing guitars out there, it's kind of nice to hear a female voice every now and again. I haven't sung with them since last winter. I miss Joe, but he and Ted seem to be a package deal these days.

I have a friend Beth whose voice I would love to harmonize with, so I am going to see if we can get together and play a few open mics or happy hour gigs. We'll see. She can play both the guitar and the piano, so we could potentially do some really cool things.

I'm pretty sure I'll never make a living as a singer. But then again, I never thought I would make a living as a writer, and I'm doing just that. Maybe it's time to start on my next dream/passion.

Now Playing: "Storms" by Fleetwood Mac

Can't I just be the next Steve Nicks? You know, without the cocaine addiction?

Day 9

2011-11-09T23:00:00.003-05:00

Day 9: When was the first time that you realized that your home was not like other people’s homes?

I'm not sure I have ever had that revelation, per say. I remember going to friends houses and thinking it odd that they didn't help with clearing the table after dinner, or if their parents' let them get away with talking back. Oh! I also thought it was really strange that my friend's parents didn't allow anyone to sit on any of the furniture in their family room, but instead sat on the floor to watch TV or read a book. I don't think anyone even set foot in their formal living room. But for the most part, my house was like most of my friends' houses, except for the fact that I didn't live in a neighborhood, and my house was custom built by my dad with a septic tank and a well, instead of city water. But I think all of those things are more recollections that I have now, rather than then.

At nine years old, I couldn't care less that I wasn't allowed to sit on my friend's couch. We were too busy playing in the basement, and making Barbie and Ken have sex. (Two days in row where I post about Barbies. The dust of my subconscious must have been kicked up!)

I'm much more aware now that my apartment is different that my friends' homes. They have china cabinets filled with... well, china, and rooms carefully decorated, without clutter. I have a rubber Tyrannosaurus Rex, that was given to me 3 Christmases ago, on my mantle and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle figurine shrine on the top of my bookshelf. I have an antique globe that stands next to my TV and a pirate wine rack on top of another bookshelf that acts as a liquor cabinet. My home is slightly strange, and I love it. It's also a baby proofing nightmare. No wonder my friends don't bring their kids over. (Although, there are plenty of toys to keep them occupied.)

I can't wait to hang my new painting of a man with a seahorse head and octopus arms standing in a valley.

Now Playing: "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones

Day 8

2011-11-08T23:28:00.002-05:00

Day 8: Has anything traumatic ever happened to you? Describe the scenes surrounding a particular event.

Nope. Not again. I've talked about this plenty on my blog. I believe I even wrote about it last November. I actually wrote about it this month for the magazine I work for. If you'd like to read it, you can do so here.

I hate to use the word "traumatic" for anything other than my cousin killing himself. To tell you that it was traumatic that a rumor was spread about me in 6th grade that I still played with Barbies would cheapen the word. But yeah, that happened and it messed me up. So much in fact, that I'm not sure I'll ever let my kids play with them. But like I said, I don't want to use that word.

Instead, I will gladly list embarrassing things that I've done.

- Well, you know, the whole Barbie incident.

- According to my diary, there was a week in 6th or 7th grade that I asked no less than 3 boys (it could have been 4) to be my boyfriend. All said no.

- My parents made the mistake of explaining "cutting in" when people slow dance. I employed this move at a 6th grade dance with a boy I had a crush on. (See a pattern here? Middle School was ROUGH for this girl.)

- I drunkenly fell down face first on the sidewalk one Thursday night during the first semester of sophomore year of college, busted my face up and chipped a tooth.

- Last year, after a dinner of cheeseburgers and homemade onion rings, I farted in my sleep in bed with my ex-boyfriend and woke myself up.

- I have tripped and fallen down 5 times in the last six months. I'm not sure my knees are going to work past the age of 35.

I think that's enough for right now. Luckily for the 3 people who read my blog, there is no shortage of embarrassing stories to tell.

Now Playing: "Little Lies" by Fleetwood Mac

Day 7

2011-11-07T22:29:00.002-05:00

Day 7: How do you balance your children, relationship, and work life?

This is simple. I don't have children or a relationship, so it's pretty damn easy, because I usually do what I want, when I want.

Actually, this is a good question, because I have never had a boyfriend and a job at the same time. I was with my ex pretty much the entire time I was unemployed, so when we wanted to hang out, we could. I was working part-time for my dad, but my ex had his job too so me working didn't really get in the way. I always thought, "Man, he has never met 'Employed Erin'" which was a really weird concept to me, because I had a editing job for over 4 years before we met.

I have no idea how to balance life, which is a weird thing to say at 29 years old. I thought I would have my shit together. Right now, I work anywhere from 40-70 hours a week, depending on production and event schedules, so I would imagine running a household with kids would be near impossible. It's definitely something to think about. Way to stress me out, NaBloPoMo.

Now Playing: "Everyday People" Sly and the Family Stone

Day 6

2011-11-06T19:17:00.001-05:00

Day 6: More free writing.

Today was another beautiful fall day. I spent it by napping, watching 1999's teen flick Drive Me Crazy and Disney's Rapunzel and eating Chinese takeout. It has been a gloriously unproductive day. There isn't much new to say, so here is a picture of a hippopotamus and it's baby.

Now Playing: "Please Remember Me" by Tim McGraw

Day 5

2011-11-06T01:26:00.002-04:00

Day 5: Free Writing?

I went to the NaBloPoMo website, and apparently the weekends are for free writing. I missed Saturday's writing because I was watching reruns of Raising Hope on Netflix. Today, I went to the OSU v Indiana football game, and sat in a company suite, which was very cool. My friend Holly works for 10TV, and invited me, which was really sweet of her. It was the most beautiful fall day for a football game, and OSU won by 2 touchdowns.

Yankee outfielder Nick Swisher was at the game, and I lost my shit. He was being interviewed on the field during halftime, because he donated a whole bunch of money to the baseball program. He played for OSU before heading to the major leagues. I LOVE him and I tried to find him, as I figured he was also in a suite to watch the game. No such luck, but how cool would that have been?

I drank a six pack in about an hour, and ended up getting pretty buzzed, so I was sort of flighty during the game. I also told some girl that I had just met 2 ideas about books I'm trying to write. I hope she doesn't steal them. She's a nurse, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't have aspirations to write a book, but you never know.

This is sort of a stream of consciousness but I am on the verge of falling asleep so I'm OK with it. Maybe I'll be more interesting tomorrow? Probably not.

Now Playing: "Songbird" by Fleetwood Mac

Day 4

2011-11-04T20:10:00.003-04:00

Day 4: When you are writing, do you prefer to use a pen or a computer?

Uh oh. Three out of four days have been writing questions. I hope that this isn't a trend, but I suspect it might be.

Sigh. Okay, well if I am writing poetry, I usually prefer to use a pen. I can't really remember the last time I wrote a semi-decent poem on a computer. It seems too clinical. Too impersonal. I would say the same might go for a short story, but I haven't written a short story in years. No wait, I did write that on a laptop. It was pretty good.

If I'm writing in a journalistic way, I always use a computer. It's probably a matter of time management than anything.

This post is boring. Would it be better if I had said I used a quill and ink for my poetry, and a classic typewriter for all journalism pieces? Probably not. That would just make me a douchebag.

Now Playing: "Baby Can I Hold You" by Tracy Chapman

Day 3

2011-11-03T22:06:00.002-04:00

Day 3: Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?

The only way I can write is to listen to music. I mean, sure there are times when I get something down listening to nothing, but usually I feel most creative listening to someone else's creation. Currently, I am listening to a break up mix I made, because the songs are slow and I know them well enough that they won't be distracting. I suppose I'll be up writing for a few more hours, because I did a little procrastinating today. I only really need to produce around 1650 or so words for a book I'm contributing to, which shouldn't be too hard, but I'm not feeling inspired. Maybe a little Fleetwood Mac will do the trick?

Now Playing: Against All Odds by Phil Collins

Always a day late: Day 1 & 2

2011-11-02T09:15:00.004-04:00

This November, I'll be doing the BlogHer writing prompts, because last year's NaBloPoMo list was kind of cheesy, and I'm hoping this would be provide something better.

Day 1: What is your favourite part about writing?

My favorite part is when I have finished writing something, put it down for awhile. If enough time has passed, and I have quasi forgotten what I wrote, I'll read it again, and the best feeling is to find that it's not complete shit. There is also nothing better than to sit down and write, and really get on a roll. To not get distracted, but actually produce something of substance. That is an awesome feeling, and doesn't happen as often as I like, because I get sidetracked easily.

Day 2: If you knew that whatever you ate next would be your last meal, what would you want it to be?

This is so hard. I would probably say an array of pasta/noodle dishes: macaroni and cheese, my mother's chicken and noodles, lasagna, fettucini alfredo, cheese ravioli, etc. I mean, if it was my last meal, why should I worry about carbs at that point? Also, a nice italian salad to go with it would be delicious. And I know I should include an expensive bottle of wine, but I think to wash it down, I would choose Diet Dr. Pepper, which is probably the saddest sentence I have written in a long time.

So there are my first 2 days. I'm not going to promise that it will get better, but I will promise to write everyday for a month.

Now playing: "Somebody's Baby" by Jackson Browne

KABOOM!

2011-04-21T12:09:00.001-04:00

Until today, I thought Kaboom was just a fake organization on my favorite show, Parks and Recreation. But my sister Megan teaches at a school where they entered a video contest to have Kaboom come and build them a playground.

It would mean a lot to me, Megan, and the kids at her school if you would take the time to view and vote on their video here. You would be voting for the CHATA Playground in Columbus, Ohio. Unfortunately, there is a registration along with the voting, but it’s painless. You can vote every 24 hours, but even once is awesome.

Thanks!

Now Playing: That MJ song that's in the CHATA video.

Help me, Internet

2011-03-06T01:49:00.001-05:00

There is a scene from a movie that has been in my brain since I've been around 6 years old. I need help remembering the name. It was a sort of an apocalyptic movie where a character is captured and stretched out and restrained on a table, and was then covered in ants or insects of some kind. They crawled over him and the guy screamed, and I promptly got up and ran down the hall to my bedroom with lighting speed, scared to death. It's been haunting me ever since, yet I can't remember the name of the movie. I want to say the plot had SOMETHING to do with Roller Derby? Probably not. Can anyone help me?

I have googled some of those random ass sentences, but nothing comes up. Go Figure.

Now Playing: "We don't need another hero" by Tina Turner

Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll

2011-02-23T22:04:00.002-05:00

I have always been a bit of a spender. Money burns a hole in my pocket, and shopping for something shiny and new often make a dreary day a lot better. But since being unemployed, I've had to reel in my spending. I'm not going to lie, it's been good for me. I'm lucky because I have a good support system; I've spent more than a few nights at my parents' for family dinners and my sister has really helped with more than her share of the rent and utilities. I owe her big time.

I hope that I can maintain my frugality when I finally get a job with a healthy paycheck. I want to eliminate a big chunk of my debt, and I can't do that if I go back to late night online shopping and countless rounds at the bar. But I can't help but think of all the things I want to buy. I want to re-join my gym, get a new iPod, plan a few trips that would require a couple plane tickets, shop for new work clothes and throw a "HELL YES I GOT A NEW JOB!!" cocktail/dance party at my apartment.

But I think what I'm most excited about is being able to pay all my bills AND buy dinner without playing credit card roulette. How great will that be? And I need to remember this feeling so if I ever lose my job again (knock on wood) that I will be in a cushier spot.

Keep your fingers crossed that I get a job soon.

Now Playing: "Cameras" by Matt & Kim

Tumblr

2011-02-10T13:39:00.002-05:00

I started posting on another blogging website called Tumblr. I've only posted a handful of things, and most of them have been songs I've been listening to. I'm not abandoning Slaminky Malargy, I'm just kinda feeling out another format. I was confused for many months about the point of Tumblr, so I can completely understand if no one gets what the hell I'm talking about.

But if you'd like to check it out, you are more than welcome.

http://erinmc.tumblr.com/

It's called The Bird is the Word.

Now Playing: "Silver Spring" by Fleetwood Mac

2011

2011-01-05T22:14:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year, fools. I'm a few days late to welcome in 2011, which is a surprise to no one. Better late than never, I suppose. As you can tell, I was pretty wiped out from posting every day in November, so I apparently "decided" to take all of December off. If you notice that Day 3 is missing, (which I'm sure you didn't) is because I accidentally deleted it when I was messing around with my blackberry. So don't try and come at me and say I didn't post everyday in November. I'm just bad at technology.

I have a to do list for 2011, and I thought I'd share it.

Getting things done in 20-1-1:

- get a job

- pay off at least one credit card

- send birthday cards to all my friends

- send handwritten letters to friends and family for no reason at all

- see a baseball game in Pittsburgh, Detroit, Chicago (both stadiums), Washington D.C., and Baltimore

- keep a cleaner/tidier house

- drink more water

- visit one place I've never been before (this could technically be Pittsburgh)

- read more books

- find a band to sing with

I have more pie-in-the-sky goals for this year, but I think that's enough for now. Getting a job really takes priority, and hopefully that will happen earlier than later in 2011.

Now Playing: Dog Days are Over by Florence and the Machine

NaBloPoMo: Day 30

2010-11-30T22:40:00.002-05:00

I made it! I actually followed through and posted everyday in November. Suck it, non-believers!

Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So, yeaaaaah.... I'm definitely not doing this. I don't need to write myself a self-affirming letter, because I know I'll end up sounding like Stuart Smalley. I will say that I am pleased as punch that I wrote everyday, even when I didn't have anything in particular to say. And that goes for today as well. If nothing else, this exercise got me back in touch with my friend Katie, who I wrote about on "Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted." We are getting drinks soon, and I can't wait to catch up with her. I did a lot of bitching about this list, but I'm grateful it gave me a topic to write about or to criticize.

Thanks for reading, and I will do my best to keep posting on a regular basis.

Now Playing: "After the Gold Rush" by Neil Young

NabloPoMo: Day 29

2010-11-29T23:11:00.003-05:00

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I thought this was pretty much covered in Day 1: Something you hate about yourself... I suppose"The List" is making me say it again: I want to have more follow-through when it comes to my artistic ambitions. Are you happy now, 30 days of truth? You are making me hate my own blog. Oh, being employed would be nice too. I sound like a broken record.

In addition to this crappy post, I will tell you my Top 10 favorite Christmas tunes, in no particular order.

1. "Calling On Mary" by Aimee Mann
2. "Silent Night" by Sinéad O'Connor
3. "We Need a Little Christmas" by Johnny Mathis
4. "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon & Yoko Ono
5. "The Christmas Waltz" by Frank Sinatra
6. "Old Toy Trains" by Roger Miller
7. "Little Drummer Boy (Peace on Earth)" by Bing Crosby & David Bowie
8. "Mary's Boy Child" by Harry Belafonte
9. "Believe" by Josh Groban
10. "Christmastime (Oh Yeah)" by Barenaked Ladies

Now Playing: "Little Saint Nick" by The Beach Boys (this is essentially "Little Deuce Coupe" with Christmas lyrics. And I love it.

NabloPoMo: Day 28

2010-11-28T16:26:00.003-05:00

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would have had a completely different answer to this question had you asked me in high school or college. But now, if I were to get pregnant I would have the baby, love it, and raise it until I send it to college. No, I'm not married, nor in a relationship, so that would be a slight hiccup. Not to mention that I'm without a job, and paying for a baby would be quite impossible. Let's not even talk about health insurance. But these are the reasons why I'm big into birth control, or having sex with dudes who've had vasectomies.

Now Playing: "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths

NabloPoMo: Day 27

2010-11-27T11:02:00.002-05:00

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Again with the rough questions for the unemployed and single. Thanks a lot, list. But honestly, I think that even if I did have a job and a boyfriend, the best thing going for me would be my family and friends. I'm very lucky to have wide circle that I can count on when life has kicked me right in the teeth.

Well, this post is going to be cut short, because I have to go watch Ohio State kick the crap out of the team up north.

Go Bucks!

Now Playing: "The Buckeye Battle Cry" by The Best Damn Band in the Land

NabloPoMo: Day 26

2010-11-26T15:47:00.003-05:00

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I touched on this subject previously this month. I had some rough middle school years when bullying got to be pretty bad. I thought about killing myself as a sort of revenge. Looking back, I see how ridiculous and tragic that would have been. I would have missed out on so much. There were times after where I would revisit that dark feeling, and contemplate a world without me in it.

But something happened on June 23, 2005 that changed my life forever. My cousin Michael committed suicide on his 28th birthday. I will never forget the moment my mom told me what happened. I will never forget the sadness and helplessness I felt. And I will never make anyone feel that way by my own actions. I wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy.

I need to remember that no one told me life was going to be easy. It is filled with the full spectrum of emotions that comes with comedy and tragedy. But if this life is too much for you to handle, there are people out there to help carry your load.

If you need a little extra help, or want to be that little extra help for someone, please go to hopeline.com or afsp.org

Now Playing: "Remember Me" by Otis Redding

NaBloPoMo: Day 25

2010-11-25T21:24:00.002-05:00

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

A few reasons I'm still alive today:

- I've never been hit by a bus.

- My parents had me vaccinated.

- I managed to sit up when puking in bed from drinking too much that one night in college.

Happy Thanksgiving, people. There is much to be thankful for.

Now Playing: "You Got Good Lovin'" by Otis Redding

NaBloPoMo: Day 24

2010-11-24T22:28:00.004-05:00

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I actually make "Mixed Tapes" for my friends quite often. And to reveal something even nerdier (maybe more pathetic) about myself: I sometimes send CD mixes to my crushes, like a teenager. This is one mix I made a year ago for a crush.

This is the email I would have sent had I been completely honest.

Hey _____,

It was wonderful meeting you a couple weeks ago. I honestly felt like I met my equal when I met you. Actually, that's what all my friends were calling you the next day at the pool. Sure, I have stayed up many times to see the sun rise while drinking beer and shooting the shit, but this seemed different. Anyway, here are some songs that are awesome. You'll recognize some, but really get to know the ones you don't; you'll thank me.

I hope to see you again soon,

Erin

Now Playing: "Least Complicated" by Indigo Girls

NaBloPoMo: Day 23

2010-11-23T22:53:00.003-05:00

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

According to my own theories, I am allowed to regret things I have NOT done.

I regret...

not studying abroad when I was in college.

not getting an internship before trying to get a real job in my field.

not having the balls to act on crushes.

Those are the big three right now.

Now Playing: "This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by Talking Heads

NaBloPoMo: Day 22

2010-11-22T14:59:00.002-05:00

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Sure, there are things I would like to take back. But most of my regrets fall in with wishing I did something rather than wishing I hadn't done something. I guess my biggest regret, is skipping classes in college. Who knows what I could have learned during those missed hours? But honestly, I think I would have regretted missing whatever conversation or party that kept me in bed the following morning, cutting the 8 am literature class. I don't often reminisce about the auditorium filled lectures, but I do think back and laugh about that time that Brad got the open container ticket, then the subsequent littering ticket for throwing his open container ticket on the ground. I think about daring Olivia to walk to and take her biology final in her bathing suit, and taking that bet. I think about those late night/early morning Euchre games over beers and bullshitting. When my friends and I get together, we don't recall the history class, but our history together. What is there to regret about that?

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." - Jonathan Larson

"Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did." -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"That's Life" by Frank Sinatra

NaBloPoMo: Day 21

2010-11-21T23:13:00.002-05:00

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

I don't particularly like this one. I'm starting to think a teenager wrote this list. What does it say about me that I continue to follow it?

It's a simple answer. I go to my best friend and make sure she is all right. Sure, I will feel all sorts of guilty, but it's not like I can hop in my time machine and skip the argument, or better yet prevent the accident. So, I will do the best thing I can, and be there for my friend and do whatever I can to help her recover.

Now Playing: "Fix You" by Coldplay

NaBloPoMo: Day 20

2010-11-20T21:59:00.002-05:00

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Well, since I'm writing today's post with a little buzz going, I would say I'm all for drugs and alcohol. When I went to college, my dad left me with a letter to read after he left. At the bottom, he wrote "Know thyself" and "Never in excess." At the time I thought had to do with the Freshman 15, but quickly learned that it had to do with booze and other recreational substances. Although I've often over-served myself, I've learned my limits. I've tried to make those two quotes the basis of my adult life.

Be responsible. As long as what you do isn't detrimental to you or others, go ahead and dabble, imbibe, and enjoy. No judgement here.

Now Playing: "To Love Somebody" by Nina Simone

NaBloPoMo: Day 19

2010-11-19T20:00:00.003-05:00

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Ugh. I am so over you, 30 Days of Truth List.

I think these are both private subjects, but unfortunately a lot of people out there don't think so as they constantly try to push their views on others.

I think faith is important, and many people rely on it, but I think organized religion often ruins faith with hypocrisy and greed. I'm lucky that I live in a country where I'm allowed to practice any religion I want, yet there are politicians out there making laws for my country with a strong Christian agenda. Does that even make sense?

If you couldn't already tell, I lean left politically and I am not outwardly religious. Go ahead and believe what you want to believe; just keep it to yourself.

Now Playing: "The Whole World" by Outkast

NaBloPoMo: Day 18

2010-11-18T20:11:00.002-05:00

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

This is easy, and I don't really want to get on my soap box, but I think it's absolutely ridiculous that most states (including my own) outlaw gay marriage. Everyone should be afforded the right to marry, and it makes me sick and sad how many people oppose. It's basic civil rights, people.

Now Playing: "I Will" by The Beatles

NaBloPoMo: Day 17

2010-11-17T22:55:00.002-05:00

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I give all credit to Elena for insisting I read Yes Man by Danny Wallace. I realize they made it into some shitty movie where Jim Carrey played the main character and regressed by forgetting he was quite brilliant in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and acted like Ace Ventura instead.

Anyway, this book influenced a lot of my travel plans after I read it. It also encouraged me to let go a little and say "yes" more. It's a fairly simple concept, but I would have missed out on a lot if I hadn't gone for "one more beer" or on that cross country road trip.

It's also a hilarious read, so even if it doesn't inspire, you'll get a couple laughs out of it.

Now Playing: "The Rubberband Man" by The Spinners

NaBloPoMo: Day 16

2010-11-16T23:22:00.003-05:00

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

This is kind of a first world question. There are plenty of things in my life that I could live without. To be a literal jerk about it, all I need is food, water, and some sort of shelter to survive. But since I'm sure that's not what this person was thinking of when creating this list, I'll play along.

I can and do live without cable television. If you ask me about a current show that is featured on a channel other than NBC, ABC, CBS, or FOX, I most likely do not know what you're talking about. However, I do have Netflix and rent shows like Mad Men, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and My Boys when their seasons end, and are released to DVD. I've seen Pawn Stars and American Pickers because I've watched them with my Dad when I visit my parents' house.

I grew up with cable television, and even as a "struggling" college student, I had it. But for the past three years, I haven't seen the reason to pay the extra money (I would site a price here, but I don't even know how much cable costs.) And judging from what I know is on the cable channels, I know I'm not missing out. I am one less person to get sucked into any of the Real Housewives of Anywhere, or the VH1 reality shows that promote contributing nothing to society. I'm not saying I'm better than people who watch those programs, because there is a fair chance that if I had cable, I'd be glued to the couch on a lazy Sunday viewing an entire marathon of Jersey Shore. Not having cable is better for my pocketbook and my brain.

Now Playing: "So Far Away" by Dire Straits

NaBloPoMo: Day 15

2010-11-16T00:32:00.002-05:00

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Is it me, or is the 30 Days of Truth list a little dramatic?

I could not live without bras. I haven't spent much time out and about while free-wheelin', but I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty. Hoist them bad boys up!

Now Playing: "Bra" by Cymande

NaBloPoMo: Day 14

2010-11-16T00:21:00.003-05:00

(Again, I'm going to pretend I wrote this on the correct day.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Dear ____,

I always looked up to you, and wanted so badly for you to think I was cool. Then I got to know you better when I went to college and found out that you are an incredible tool. You are a delusional, self-righteous asshole and I can barely stand to be in the same room as you. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to stop seeking your approval. All that being said, I think your parents are lovely.

Suck it,

Erin

Now Playing: "Positively 4th Street" by Bob Dylan

NaBloPoMo: Day 13

2010-11-16T00:03:00.005-05:00

(Let's pretend I wrote this on the correct day, shall we?)

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear Jimmy Buffett,

I'm writing to thank you for getting me through some really tough times in middle school. I didn't have many friends that I could trust, and I was picked on almost daily. Your music spoke of a feel good attitude, and an easy going outlook. I became the youngest parrothead I knew. I'd listen to you on the bus to and from school, and it would make it easier for insults to roll off my back. I don't listen to you much anymore, because your corporate schilling has made it hard for me to hear the dreck you've released in the last 10-15 years. My music taste has expanded and improved, and I don't have much need for live versions of yuppies singing along to miserable songs like "Cheeseburger in Paradise." But I still maintain that "In the Shelter," "Distantly In Love," and "Biloxi" are well-written and beautifully recorded, and I'll defend them to the many who say otherwise. You were actually a pretty good country music writer/lyricist before you decided to market the hell out of yourself with restaurants, booze, and parrot apparel. I don't think you've gone as far as KISS with their pinball machines and coffins, but it's a close call. I'm pretty sure Gene Simmons would sell the teeth out of his head for a price. Let's hope you don't get to that point.

Regardless of who you've become, I thank you for the music you once recorded and made me feel better, more relaxed during a time that was often unbearable. Even today, I sometimes feel like the girl from "In the Shelter" and I love that your song still does that for me.

With fond memories,

Erin

Now Playing: "When the Coast is Clear" by Jimmy Buffett

NaBloPoMo: Day 12

2010-11-12T17:54:00.002-05:00

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

My rock hard abs, my slender swan neck, or my conversational Spanish skills.

Now Playing: "Telephone" by Lady Gaga

NaBloPoMo: Day 11

2010-11-11T23:00:00.002-05:00

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

I get complimented most on my memory by people I know. My friends will ask me about events that happened in high school or to name our old classmates that they can't seem to place. I remember distinct details from random days like smells or the way someone's hair was styled. This is both a blessing and a curse. I can remember visiting my mom in the hospital after she had my sister. I wasn't even three-years-old, but I remember what I was wearing (a white cotton dress with multi-color hearts), what my mom looked like sitting in her hospital room (she wore full makeup, because I had told her she looked prettier that way), and how they showed Megan through a window (it wasn't a nursery with other babies, it was a private showing... very odd.) I remember that although I was going to see my sister for the first time, I was more interested in riding the elevator. There are no photos to document this day, so I know it's a memory.

But I can also remember most every time I was an asshole, and I carry around that guilt although the people whom I was an asshole to have most likely forgiven, and long forgotten my wrongdoings.

I guess it's nice to have me around for nostalgia sake.

Now Playing: "Don't Mess with Bill" by The Marvelettes

NaBloPoMo: Day 10

2010-11-10T13:26:00.002-05:00

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I need to let go of pretty much every guy I ever dated whom with I've tried to stay friends. In my experience, this does not work. And no matter what I tell you to your face, I still have some small inkling of feeling left for them. This usually leads to bad decisions after a couple cocktails and an hour of reminiscing.

I'm starting to get bored with this 30 days of truth business.

Now Playing: "Here With Me" by Dido

NaBloPoMo: Day 9

2010-11-09T21:50:00.003-05:00

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I worked with my dad today by prepping a room for hardwood floors. I am exhausted and don't really have the brain power to write today.

But I will dedicate this post to my friend from college, Katie. We met freshman year in Tappan Hall and hit it off straight away. We even lived in the same house junior year, where we'd throw Enrique Iglesias dance parties, climb out the window to hang out on the roof, and pose with our houseplants on her 21st birthday. She got married right out of college, and the last time I saw her was at her wedding. Life just took us in different directions, and that happens sometimes. She was definitely one of my favorite people to laugh with, even if what we were laughing at didn't make sense to anyone else but us.

Hope life is treating you well, Katie.

Now Playing: "Don't Turn Off the Lights" by Enrique Iglesias

NaBloPoMo: Day 8

2010-11-08T22:23:00.003-05:00

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Today is one of those days where I don't really want to answer the truth of the day. There are people out there with bigger problems, and me complaining that a bunch of bitchy pre-teen girls made my life a living hell in middle school seems self indulgent. But at the time, the bullying was pretty constant, and it made me question if I could go on living. I would kill myself, and THEN they'd be sorry for threatening, humiliating me, and spreading lies about me. Part of it was my own fault for getting caught up in the popularity game, but no one deserves to be treated that way.

Life got better when Danielle and I became friends, and I became a stronger person. Although we went our separate ways in high school, I will always be indebted to her for sticking up for me when she could have joined in. Thank you, Danielle.

Now Playing: "The Crane Wife Part 3" by The Decemberists

NaBloPoMo: Day 7

2010-11-07T17:18:00.002-05:00

30 Days of Truth Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I am lucky to have many people who have my life worth living. My parents are a loud, crazy, and loving example of that. And of course there is Meggie Applehead who is the best sister anyone could ask for. Then there are my sisters from another mother: Elena, Laura and Britta. I'm truly blessed.

I could go on about how I didn't always feel like life was worth living, and how each of these people proved me wrong, but it's Sunday and I'm gonna go ahead and mail this post in. I went to another wedding last night and danced my feet off so today has been filled with a lot of couch time.

Now Playing: "My Dreamgirl Don't Exist" by Jeff Magnum

NaBloPoMo: Day 6

2010-11-06T13:37:00.002-04:00

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

As with things I hope to do in my life, there are many I hope I don't have to do. Here are a few...

I hope that I never:

accidentally poop while giving birth.

come across a snake while walking through a yard or sitting on a toilet.

have to put my parents into a nursing home.

punch a shark in the nose to prevent it from biting me.

use a porto-potty that gets tipped over while I'm in it.

Now Playing: "Possum Kingdom" by Toadies

NaBloPoMo: Day 5

2010-11-05T19:25:00.002-04:00

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life

I have an entire list of things I want to do in my life. I don't like to call it a Bucket List, because I never have once referred to dying as "kicking the bucket" and I never saw that movie, and... I just don't fucking want to. But here are a few things on my ever growing list.

I hope to:

see a baseball game in every major league stadium in the MLB.

set foot in all 50 states.

ride a Zamboni at a hockey game (this one might be coming true Feb. 12th!)

busk on a city street for a day

learn to drive a stick shift (that's what she said?)

watch Wizard of Oz cued up to Dark Side of the Moon

own a suit of armor that I can actually wear

learn to play harmonica

fall in love

Now Playing: "Pale Blue Eyes" by The Velvet Underground

NaBloPoMo: Day 4

2010-11-04T22:15:00.004-04:00

30 Days of Truth

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for

I would definitely say I'm a forgive, but don't forget type of person. I don't hold too many grudges, but I will remember when you've done something to hurt me in the past. Most of the times I've turned that hurt and sometimes humiliation into a humorous story (hello, defense mechanism!) so I'll go with that today.

I forgive E.S. and M.R. for spreading the rumor/lie to the entire 6th grade that I still played with Barbies at the ripe old age of 11.

Now Playing: "Never Forget You" by The Noisettes

NaBloPoMo: Day 2

2010-11-02T23:42:00.005-04:00

Shit balls. I just realized that today is Nov. 2nd, and I missed the first day of posting yesterday. Fucking typical. I will quickly write my second truth in 15 minutes, before day two comes to a close.

Something I love about myself:

The one thing I don't half-ass is being a friend. I've always made the attempt to keep in touch (even before facebook was invented) and I try to be there when friends are going through the best and worst times of their lives. My friendships are very important to me, and I am lucky to have many of them.

Whoop whoooop! 11:54, bitches! I made it in time.

Now playing: "All My Little Words" by The Magnetic Fields

NaBloPoMo: Day 1

2010-11-02T23:02:00.005-04:00

I have never participated in an entire NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) before, because I've always forgotten or given up before the end of the month. Since I am currently unemployed, I figured there is no excuse this year for me to quit before the end of the month. But again, since I'm unemployed, I don't do enough exciting things to blog everyday. I DID get pretty liquored up at a wedding in Detroit last weekend, but I'm not sure there is much to tell aside from my rousing rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller choreography after a half bottle of Maker's Mark.

I have seen 30 Days of Truth circling around the internet, and I'm going to cheat and do that during NaBloPoMo. (Also, I think I'm going to stop writing NaBloPoMo, because I kinda hate typing it.)

So, apparently my first truth is to reveal: Something I hate about myself.

Yeesh. Rough start for someone who has been unemployed since July. I could go with my metabolism/weight since that is something I've pretty much hated since the beginning of my existence, but I feel like that is a cop-out. I mean, there is SO much more to hate about me than that! Why stop there?

If I'm gonna drop some truth bombs here, I think I'm going to go with my lack of ambition. I should clarify: I work hard and am a good editor and copywriter. I don't have a problem concerning a strong work ethic or putting in the hours to get a project done. (Hello, future employers!) I wish I had more follow-through on my dreams. There are so many things in the arts/entertainment field that I want try, and think that I could probably do them well, maybe even make a living by doing them. But I don't get off my ass and try. When I can't fall asleep at night, I write little jokes that I would perform if I were a stand-up comic. Do I ever do anything with them? Nope. Sure don't. I am a fairly decent singer, and want to start participating in open-mic nights around the city, but that means I would have to call a guitarist and practice and I'm just way too busy watching 30 Rock to do that. What is wrong with me? I should be trying to WRITE for 30 Rock, instead of watching it. I feel like I go through my life with a half-assed attitude. Or maybe it's not that I half-ass my life, rather my fear of rejection that keeps me from really putting my neck out there.

I had an abundance of ambition before I turned 18, but I think that had to do with my life always being planned for me. I was always expected to get good grades, be involved in sports, music and extra curricular activities, so that's what I did. It was never a question of IF I was going to go to a four year college, but where I would go. When I got there, I was pretty much like, "Well, what am I supposed to do next? Oh. Find a major that will find me a career? Uh, sure. Ok."

Maybe this NaBloPoMo (copy and paste) will be the first step with some creative follow-through. I will make it to the end. Baby steps, people.

Now listening: "Plenty is Never Enough" by The Shins

I got a new phone

2010-06-16T11:52:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I'm a busy business woman who conducts a lot of busy business, because I just got a blackberry. It's easy enough to figure out, but my inbox never really gets full. Therefore, it's going to be longer in between text posts on ye ol' blog. We'll see how it goes.

But here are the latest:

Go take a knife from the kitchen, stab it into the gas peddle of your car and crash into something and you'll feel better

Lots of glitter, heavy drumbeats, autotune galore- you know, the usual suspects

Those were brian's lifting gloves! No glitter though- that might distract from his spandex outfits.

Rusty bedsprings, a novel by I P Knightly.

Just feeling saucy this morning- it must be my lady gaga pandora station

I don't wear the shoes because they make me fall down.

Is Johnny Mathis black?

I think I should get praise like that every time I poop

You will get a non awkward hug from me later

MARK HARMON is on Bonnie Hunt!

I don't care... I still want him and his spacious nipples to be mine.

Morgan Fairchild is the bane of my existence!! Her and her royal blue suit!

I got a raincheck for the zamboni ride

All I can picture is a space ship saying that

I would hate Vanna White's job, walking back and forth in heels, revealing letters. Erin- has my life really come to watching wheel of fortune every night. I feel addicted. I belong in a convalescent home.

Is he going to be legit? Sometimes they are built like Tarzan but play like Jane.

Columbus morgue: you stab em we slab em.

Yeah... listen lady... they don't call me "hot sauce" for nothing... it's cause every time I step on the court, I'm on fire.

So I think it's official that I'm going to be the worst mother in the world. I had another dream last night that I had kids and I kept forgetting about them. I was potty training my little boy and while he was peeing on the toilet, I peed on the floor. Good example.

I won't hurt the monkey

I get the middle seat. I call the hump.

What? Tell her to shape up and enjoy the white trash!

We just had a dance off in my morning meeting. This company is crazy. I didn't participate, but it was pretty hilarious. They are not ready for my moves yet.

So I queefed super loud in yoga tonight. Just a little embarrassing. Yeah. Really happened. And loud. In front of members I basically work for. Pretty funny - embarrassing. You can't help that stuff! Most people were mature, which is nice, since I am not.

Dad jokes for now, but I'm 9 beers deep so it could turn to old man dirty jokes

THE HARRY POTTER AMUSEMENT PARK OPENS THIS SPRING!!!!!!! WHICH IS LIKE NOW! I'm gonna get shitfaced on butter beer!!!! Woooooooooooooooo! (that was a joke. I will act like a lady when we go.) (a magical lady)

Motorin'!!!! What's your price for drive?

Ahh I miss the days of Bo Bice randomly punching people in the face...

Sorry I did not get back with you. I did not do anything last weekend. It was my dad's 77th birthday. He is elderly.

The judge told my P.O. that if I can afford the lawyer I used, I can go to the program. Also, I've been in jail too much so it won't do any good.

Hey, George Michael, when CAN love be mistaken for a crime?

We could have been on broadway

I'm calling Fox right now. There are bigger idiots than us on tv now.

So I don't know why, but sometimes Homer Simpson reminds me of dad

He is filing his toenails with sandpaper

Justin Biber = Tegan and Sara's lost triplet!

Looks like you are going to have to badger proof your room!

Now Playing: "Young Forever" by Jay-Z

Everytime Tracie and I talk, the conversation turns to Dancing With the Stars

2010-05-14T15:18:00.002-04:00

Me: I would like to see more of Damien to see if I really like him or not. One season isn't enough. I wonder if he and Pam banged...

Tracie: Oh, I bet they banged, but I think that's just how Pamela Anderson says hello. Some people shake hands, some people bang.

Meggie Applehead

2010-04-23T16:04:00.002-04:00

It's my sister Megan's 25th birthday today. This makes me feel old for many reasons, because I can vividly remember going to see her in the hospital when she was born. I didn't get to hold her until she came home for the first time, but I sat on the couch and she was placed in my lap. I can close my eyes and think of her in her high chair or making up games with me on the swing set in the backyard as we got older. On Sunday mornings, after breakfast, she would run back into my room, lock me out and jump on my bed. Megan was a bit of a space cadet as a kid, although very smart and inquisitive. She wore purple glasses, and had a little blonde bob and once said, "When I close my eyes, I see the most beautiful colors." She was my playmate, confidant, co-conspirator, personal assistant, adversary, and biggest fan.

Today, as Megan turns quarter of a century old, she has a little blonde bob, and is still very smart and inquisitive, but I cannot call her a space cadet anymore. We live together in a decently nice apartment, and are teammates on two softball teams. She is my playmate, confidant, co-conspirator, adversary, and best friend.

Congratulations on another successful trip around the sun, Meggie Applehead. I love you.

Now Playing: "Learning to Fly" by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

An entirely too long text conversation about the movie "Roadhouse" between me and my friend Johnny

2010-03-25T11:58:00.004-04:00

Erin: Pain don't hurt

Johnny: If you weren't sisters, I'd claim you were lesbians... two girls sitting at home on a Friday, watching Roadhouse. With a case of Busch Light, perhaps? But then again, I'm sitting at home alone on a Friday night drinking wine and listening to Belinda Carlisle's greatest hits...

E: We are watching Roadhouse because Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliot are sexy. Same reason you watch it.

J: You guys should watch a Swayze Marathon tonight... I would suggest Black Dog next

E: I would have to say Dirty Dancing, if anything

J: Black Dog has Meatloaf... and country music legend Randy Travis

E: I haven't been able to watch Dirty Dancing since Patrick Swayze died, but I think I'm ready tonight

J: It's never not the right time for Dirty Dancing

E: I was in mourning.

J: How great of a movie would Roadhouse be if Dalton just sat around mourning Wade for the rest of the movie?

E: I guess not as awesome as it is. My mom used to my hair in the way that Kelly Lynch wears hers in this movie.

J: I used to do my round-house kicks the way Dalton does in that movie... until I broke one of my mom's vases one day in 5th grade... and she told me CUT THAT SHIT OUT!

E: I think you should some some roundhouse kicks tonight around the city. Show people who is boss.

J: Good call... after I beat some ass, I'll pay a homeless blind guy to say "the name is Strawser..." and then camera zoom to the face of some got broad who is instantly impressed.

E: I cannot think of a better idea. Then slow dance to "All my Exes live in Texas" in a greasy spoon.

J: For sure. We got some shady joints here in SF

E: There is no way Brad Wesley would have been able to stand after one shotgun blast to the chest, let alone 2

J: So you let Dalton chase down a dirt bike on foot then rip a man's throat out and now you are questioning what is real in the movie?

Now Playing: "Little Ol' Me" by Otis Redding

Ladies, hide your grandfathers...

2010-02-23T13:29:00.002-05:00

New new top 5 as of lately:

1. Alec Baldwin
2. Keith Carradine
3. Stanley Tucci
4. Rahm Emanuel
5. Sam Elliott

My sister and have had to expand our lists and include a category for offbeat/older gentlemen. (We have a lot of time on our hands, apparently.) She has a thing for Mark Harmon that is so intense that I'm pretty sure he fills all five spaces on her list. It's quite a sight to watch NCIS with her, as she gets red in the face and giggles most times he's onscreen. I can't get behind this crush, because of the awful butt-cut he's sporting as of late.

Not that I can give her too much grief, as my list provides much fodder for those without my same taste. The whole Keith Carradine crush is new, and completely because of his role as Agent Lundy in season 2 of Dexter. There was something about him, and Deb's character saw it too, so I'm not alone in this.

Then there is Sam Elliott, which is a choice that doesn't need defending. I mean, come on: Roadhouse, check. Tombstone, check. Prancer... check! That man is badass, his voice is gravely, and I want him to read me a bedtime story every night.

All right, this has reached creep levels that I am even uncomfortable with.

Now Playing: "Bandit Queen" by The Decemberists

Text Inbox

2010-01-29T17:00:00.005-05:00

I wasn't going to do this anymore, but a few of my friends told me it's the reason they read my blog, so who am I to deny them? Here we go:

I had a sex dream about Jon Hamm. It was good, he was wearing a hat.

Well, better take advantage of the stalking now while you can!

You smell like beets.

We have money for rent and then after that, none. So how do you feel about bread and water for a week?

How could I ever forget. Dr. Love thought you were crazy. White girls (head shake)

"Being sassy isn't so classy." That is what one of my students just said... In a British accent!

There is a girl here with bad minotaur hair.

A girl just did an Irish dance at this house. It was an intense moment.

The sex was absolutely insane. He gave me an orgasm so intense, I cried. Ha.

Yes he's like our age. Looks like a Rick.

You are lonely

White men rapping is hilarious. Clapping when coming into class? They don't make movies like this anymore!

In Africa, we used to put soda can tabs on a necklace for each boy we kissed. I had three. Slut.

Congratulations, you are stupid in three languages.

Yeah I prefer funny costumes. But people in San Diego don't seem to get that. I would prob be the only non-slutty girl. So I'm gonna totally let my dignity go and be a crowd-following sheep.

Now you just sound like foghorn leghorn

I got my dad pretty drunk Saturday night so he slept for 12 hours that night. I forgot he never drinks anymore.

I have three bras strapping these ladies in right now!

According to our new friends, I'm black.

But once again, I Misty Mayed myself.

Yes hitting kids is the sure way to a respectful relationship. Everyone knows that.

There is a guy at this bar with a good red beard. I like a red beard.

I can't tell if my cab driver is talking to himself or on his bluetooth. I can't see a bluetooth.

Erin, it was my pleasure having you guys stay. Glad you had fun (minus the projectile vomiting)

I wonder what a half human/half subway sandwich baby would look like. Prob a human shaped face with pickles for eyes, a banana pepper smile and an olive nose. Maybe the body would look like bread.

I wonder how much it would cost to get to kiss him.

Hope you don't have rabies now!

No, just practicing my cockney accent

Oh burt reynolds huh? Dirty girl.

Haha. I don't think my rib was really broken.

My dad just said, "Cheese is perfect when it's thin enough to lay on your face and make a mask. You become it and it becomes you." Wtf?

I will do my best not to shit my pants. They should give out medals just for that!

Yes, I remember beginning part of the bar but then nothing after that. Apparently Genna walked me to gaslamp pizza to get me food and I took 2 bites and threw the rest of it at her. Classy.

What?! You've never heard me use that? We call someone larry who seems kinda retarded (not real retarded) and Rick who's a douchebag. Lars is a really stupid person, beyond a larry.

The fist pump is my signature move.

Wedding tailgate! Best idea. Okay you're hired as the wedding planner. I will pay you w/beer and whiskey.

I had to crap so bad and so quickly and my room is on the other side of the building from the bathroom that I thought I was going to crap my pants!

Me too, or I wasted a lot of hooker and coke money.

I went from being called Ron during the day to Lolita that night. So confused come Sunday morning.

Tell Anthony he is a monkey.

Note to self: never combine coffee, ritalin, red bull, and diet coke in a 2 hour period. I have a serious case of the shakes.

He said it was a ridiculous party at his house... the no pants is a bit law and order SVU

You are a lion, take what's yours

Duh. You telling me to wear something tight is like me telling you to wear something boobylicious- totally given

So one of my students told me that other students were making fun of me saying that I was flirting with another teacher and my face got red.

I hope you guys hook up so you don't have to say "did I shave my legs for this?" (Deanna Carter song) I'm a nerd.

I'm thankful for you, Capt Fathead!

The bullet list is no more... I realized I was too awesome to take bullets for some dozen people

Well it's a dog eat dog world and I've had to eat some dogs.

Hah we will put glitter squibs in your mouth- the same way they do fake bullet wounds!

Are you going to talk in your high pitch voice the whole time?

We had a time when we were tender with one another. And also when I punched you in the face.

Hey, tomorrow is repeal of prohibition day. A celebration of our right to publicly booze at bars, tailgates, and keg parties is of course in order. Therefore we will be out celebrating, so please join us if you wish to commemorate our right to drinking.

Well, I got kicked out of the winking lizard for a verbal argument about college football and I was just woken up on my friend's couch. You?

Please don't. Prison orange would not be a good color on you.

Hi boo. Just thinking about you dancing around with a purse on your head. Missing your laugh!

Yikes, that's not cool. Crimped hair will never be back in style. And if it is, kill me, because I don't want to live in that world.

If you were sitting in our apartment, your gag reflex would be going crazy.

I rode a mechanical bull. I was of hammered mind. Very unsound.

I don't get it, but I smiled to humor you. You're usually funny anyway.

I don't know what is going on. Whoever is taking it has a small tree, likes British writers and sea animal jewelry.

I was walking and gold sweatpants and co. from the purple pub crawl walked out of sheffields. I recognized them from their mustaches. They didn't look so hot.

Hah wowzers, tahoe was fun, kinda overrated for NYE. It was a lot younger crowd. Felt like a cougar hitting on 23 year old.

And I get paid in two days, holla! Then it is prime rib and lobster all the time!

It's really bad. Like I know we always say she's crazy, but I really think she's close to being clinically insane.

I'm at panera having lunch right now and eavesdropping on these young college girls. And it's so funny how relationships are based on text messaging now. She is describing her convo with a guy through emoticons (sad face)

Great time. Amazing experience. Will never do it again.

I'm playing Bang the Gong, I don't even care.

Then Chris goes, "don't play anything cheesey!" has he ever met me? Or himself? And he proceeded to pick two Thin Lizzy songs in a row.

I wanna fuck! *high pitched whiney voice*

Stevie Nicks makes me want to punch myself in the face. That being said, I probably haven't given Fleetwood Mac a fair shake.

Don't get blacklisted!

No, but Genna made out with 3 guys, must have been her weave. I had a midget all over me, but I shot him down. I guess I shouldn't have....

I helped them create and print their catalog when I was at my old job. They wanted me to be the model in it, but I didn't cause it wouldn't be professional.

It's like new age disco... funky school house rock. Kinda fun.

Did I tell you Little One started a wave at a bar on Monday?

Phil's gender neutral voice.

Hey, I may even start to like work if I can drink during it.

Yes, I hope to be a real cougar someday! Get me some young johnson.

I wish I could lose weight by watching tv, it would be awesome.

It's nacho day!

I rented "This is It" last night and thought of your moves alot!!

Ya, you should have seen me, walk of shame basically. And puking in the gutter literally.

Embarrassing. Not that I texted you that, but that I'm watching the grammys.

Now playing: "Oh! Sweet Nuthin" by The Velvet Underground

I may not date a lot, but these sound like terrible ideas

2010-01-29T15:41:00.006-05:00

I was perusing msn.com today and I clicked on a link for a stupid article from Glamour magazine that said: 8 new sexy things to try. (Or something along those lines. I'm too lazy to go back and find the headline.) Anyway, so I read them, and most of them are pretty run of the mill. Stuff like makeshift handcuffs, tickle massages, and dry humping. Then Glamour went and suggested these two gems:

Add an element of mystery to your date.*
"Next time you’re out to dinner or at a bar with your man, pretend to be someone else. Act like a would-be secretary at a job interview and say, 'Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. I feel I would get a lot of benefits from working under you,' suggests Speiser. He may laugh first, but he’ll eventually play along…and get turned on. Another option: When you return from the bathroom, purposely bump into him and pretend you’ve never met. Flirt with him as if it’s the first time you’ve laid eyes on each other. 'It will arouse the both of you and breathe a new kind of excitement into a regular Saturday night,' she adds."

In my opinion, this is a good way for your date/boyfriend to think you've lost your goddamn mind. Act like you've never met? So, you're supposed to sex up amnesia? "Well hellooooo sailor! Come here often?" There is no fucking way that I would ever be able to do this without being a total creep. Also, job interview? When did job interviews become a turn-on? I can't be the only one who is so nervous on interviews that I sweat through my suit. I get the whole role playing thing, but isn't there usually a game plan mapped out beforehand, with both parties on board? Instead Glamour wants you to take a page out of Sybil's playbook and bust out some multiple personalities. There's nothing sexier, right guys?

On to the second miss fire:

Try a champagne kiss.
"Remember that bottle of champagne you’ve had chilling in the fridge since New Year’s Eve? Now’s the time to use it—pour two glasses and sip casually. Then turn up the heat by straddling him, taking a gulp of bubbly and leaning over and kissing your man. As you do, 'let a tiny amount of champagne trickle into his mouth,' says Tracey Cox, author of Supersex. The fizzy texture and cool temperature will take your kiss to a new level of sexy."

Let me get this straight. You want me to go all "Mama bird feeding her babies" and spit my beverage into his mouth? I see nothing sexy about this. I think this Tracey Cox of "Supersex" gets laid as much as I do if she is pulling these tricks. I will say that I can see the appeal of kissing someone who tastes like champagne. It reminds me of when I visited my sister at college, and I kissed this random dude on the way home, and he said, "You taste like whiskey." To which I purred, "Thank you." My sister claims that he didn't mean this as a compliment, but I can't possibly see it being anything but. Regardless, I want to hear if this actually works for anyone. I can't be the one to try it, because I can't risk pulling a stunt like this and miss out on the opportunity for a solid make out session. They don't come around as often as they used to.

*When I first read this headline, for some reason, I immediately thought of hiding under the table when my date goes to the bathroom, and pretending to be a ghost moving the other chairs at the table when he returns. Obviously, "haunted mystery" is not what Glamour had in mind. These thoughts might be one of the many reasons I'm single.

Now Playing: "You've Got Growin' Up To Do" by Joshua Radin & Patty Griffin

She's an easy lover, she'll get a hold of you, believe it

2010-01-19T22:19:00.002-05:00

Things I have done today to the sweet vocal stylings of Phil Collins:

- washed the dishes
- wrote copy for my company's website
- stationary bike, floating machine, elliptical
- made love*
- conducted a debate on global warming
- wrote a blog post

Now Playing: "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins

* This is a lie, but let me tell you, I was in the mood, and I would have.

Haiti

2010-01-15T12:06:00.003-05:00

The past few days I've been thinking about my spring break trip to Puerto Rico in 2002. I was 19 years old, and traveled to San German with four friends to stay with Kevin, who was attending university there. While spending a week with Kevin, we were introduced to a fun group of Haitian guys who were also studying at the university. They took us to bars, taught us some carnivale dances and a few phrases in Creole. They were flirty and a lot of fun, and a big part of our trip. Some of us kept in touch after we returned home.

Since the earthquake hit this week, I've been hoping that Teeny, Jamark, Wyclef, Bernard, Billy, and Woodler are safe.

Oh, and Pat Robertson can go fuck himself.

Now Playing: "Would You...?" by Touch and Go

Oh, social media... what will you drag me into next?

2010-01-13T14:23:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I signed up for formspring. Here's my profile:

http://www.formspring.me/ErinMc

I don't really know why I signed up, because pretty much any question anyone had could be asked here in the comments, and I would answer. But I think it's because it reminds me of those surveys that were forwarded in the days of AOL where you filled out a litany of questions ranging from whether you preferred coffee or tea, or if you had ever visited Africa. Is nostalgia a good enough answer? Most of the time, yes. See! Look at that. I'm already answering questions.

And speaking of social media, (we were speaking of social media, right?) I've really slowed down on the Twitter front. It overwhelms me, you guys. I don't see how you could possibly "follow" more than a handful of people, especially when those people tweet more than twice a day. A whole day could get wrapped up in Twitter, and isn't that the antithesis of what it's for? There are people like Fireland or RolandFox who are consistently funny without trying too hard for a laugh, so that's why I stay on. Does anyone have any helpful hints, or should I see a psychologist for some sort of anal retentive complex that I seem to have?

Now Playing: "Human" by The Killers

I can't even think about listening to Rosemary Clooney's "Snow" without a violent reaction

2010-01-12T15:24:00.003-05:00

Reasons I hate snow:

- I don't ski. The one time I went skiing, I was pronounced "The Worst Skier Ever." I fell down so hard that I lost both skis, both poles, and I thought I crapped my pants.

- The bottoms of your pants get all wet, and then when you come inside your socks, feet, and legs get cold and damp. Wet socks make me so mad that I turn green and rip my shirt off.

- It makes negative enough to write "hate lists" and reference myself as The Hulk.

- I'm already enough of a clumsy bike rider, that I really don't need the added element to fall off. Therefore, my bike sits in my basement for 4 months.

- I can't keep my hardwood floors clean of salt or puddles.

Reasons I like snow:

- I can be lazy and watch movies on the couch without guilt. And who doesn't like being guilt-free lazy?

Maybe if I didn't have winter, I wouldn't appreciate the warmer months as much. That is my silver lining thought for the day.

Now playing: "Heavy Cross" by Gossip

In the future, I hope we all have jet packs.

2010-01-07T18:14:00.007-05:00

Predictions for the future:

In one minute: Think about breakdancing.

In one hour: Wii Mario Kart and chicken wings. (What a lady.)

In one day: Shopping with Megan and Mom, dinner at the Happy Greek, then drinks and hearing Silas play at Gresso's (maybe join him for a song?)

In one week: payday and budgeting for the rest of the month (January is pretty low key)

In one fortnight (can Americans please start using fortnight?): Go insane due to snowfall. Seethe over the fact I still have 2 more months of winter.

In one month: A weekend visit to Miami University for a hockey game. Lots of steins at the German bar.

In one year: Get ready for our last year on earth, according to the Mayans.

In ten years: Happy that ancient Mayan predictions were false. Publish another book. Maybe get married? Live in Europe? Definitely gripe that I don't own a jet pack.

Slaminky Malargy....

Now Playing: "Think About Me" by Fleetwood Mac (on repeat)

2010

2010-01-07T17:48:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! (In my mind, I think you can technically wish people a "Happy New Year" until mid January. I have about 7 days left for well-wishing.) I started the year off with a visit to Chicago to visit friends and drink a lot of wine. Both missions were accomplished. I'm really looking forward to what 2010 brings. So far, so good.

Although 2009 wasn't the best year of my life, it definitely wasn't the worst.

Some good things happened:

1. I fulfilled my yearly goal of going somewhere in the world where I've never been before. (Mexico, Daytona Beach, FL)
2. I wrote and published a book.
3. I didn't get sucked into the Twilight craze.
4. I had the opportunity to visit friends all over the country.
5. My sister and I were able to send our parents to Florida for their 30th anniversary.
6. I met someone who I could see myself falling in love with.

Some not so great things happened:

1. I got a 10% pay cut at my job which resulted in:
a. having to quit my gym membership
b. not being able to go on the lake house Labor Day trip with 24 friends
c. lots of other crap not worth mentioning because it bums me out
2. I got the swine flu, and missed my favorite holiday: Halloween.
3. The person I met who I could fall in love with lives far away, and probably doesn't have the same feelings.
4. Two friends from the past died in tragic ways, which made me even more sad that we hadn't kept in touch.

So, yeah. Life pretty much happened in 2010, and I lived and survived it the best I could.

Bring it, 2010. I'm ready.

Slaminky Malargy....

Now Playing: "All My Days" by Alexi Murdoch

Inbox

2009-09-08T13:47:00.004-04:00

It's time to erase my text inbox again. Here are the gems since the last time. They are getting more personal... and slightly more creepy. But hey, that's friendship!

Hmmm I don't know if "that's what she said" works there. Maybe if you just said, "wow, it's huge!" But I don't think its very common for a woman to refer to a man's package as a burrito.

I had to get out quick. I had this mega sneeze and my nose started bleeding!

Should be interesting. Don't worry bout Mexico. We all have our bullet proof vests on. And michelle is wearing a helmet with a face shield. She looks like robo cop.

I hear ya. Don't poop your pants. People tend to look down on that in the workplace. I merely pee my pants and I get weird looks, so I can only imagine...

We had so much in common. He snowboards, wakeboards, skydives, loves traveling, and worked for AT&T for like 12 years. He adopted 2 kids from Russia. Well, THAT we didn't have in common.

Last night I had a dream I had a baby and I forgot it when I was shopping. I don't think I'm gonna be a good mother.

Sorry I missed your call. I'm currently dissecting a fetal pig. Yeah, that's right.

Michelle and I are doing work at the gentleman's club in our brassieres playing billiards.

Well he is older 30s I think- the only story I remember about him is that he is loud and a shooter in bed

Yeah! He used to hang out with all the tuba players

I meant you should tell him to get in your head so he knows just to tell you you're pretty so you can go to sleep.

Yeah I find myself saying general statements like "it's science!" and that's when I know to give up.

I told him about being mayors and our glam band and going out in cbus- nothing too embarrassing.

We don't need money to celebrate girl! Laughs and friendship don't cost a thing! Wow over the top?

Take a ride on your disco stick? Family appropriate?

I know. That was my cousin. She's strange. The one that is in her 30s and wears Mickey Mouse clothes all the time.

Is your fake wedding in a church?

I was so jealous to hear there was a wedding that was full of seamen!

Just listen to Wind Beneath my Wings and the world will make sense again. You are my hero.

After the pacific and indian, Billy is my favorite Ocean.

You quoted Anchorman. If that didn't turn him on, you are better off without him.

Happy National Neil Diamond Day!

Barbara Streisand bothers me, but damn she can sing!

By the way, I love your unabashed crush on my boyfriend you've never met.

I am honored that you thought I had the ability to diagnose crabs so quickly.

I picture you saying that with crazy eyes and maybe a knife in your hand.

There are these 2 guys rapping in the break room by my desk using their blackberry ring tones for backup music.

Crap, I think I just shit my pants. I've just been holding it for awhile and I think it could have just squeezed out. We are too close. This is a very gross conversation. I'm sorry.

Thank god I was wrong. I am clean and weigh 3 pounds less. Sorry Shell station.

If I were gay, I'd marry you.

Who sings all for love? Tony, Toni, Tone?

It will be like losing your virginity all over again! That's an exciting thought.

If Anthony is the next to get married, I'm shooting myself.

Well, you have never once seen me wash my testicles either. Doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday.

Miss you too and I want those sparkle gloves! I need them. If nothing else than to practice my Lady Gaga dancing.

Just remember: ugly baby rarely misses a chance to judge next time you make a questionable decision.

If you are still with jess, will you take a pic of her butt with her phone and send it to me?

He'll be here if you are... and yes I will be hiding around every corner and sleeping under your bed!

Since when are they fancy? Oh yeah, since they moved into the adam's family mansion. It's actually good because Anthony can grow old in the west wing and cry into their 180 dollar gravy boat.

That bitch Britney has nothing on you!

Not to be confused with Clifford the big red dog.

You would be proud. I just honked and flipped a lady off.

Why do my farts smell like burger king french fries?

I LOVE slutty clothes. I like to give out that vibe. I want guys to know exactly what they're gonna get before they get it. Oh and they'll get it.

Sleep the shit out of your bed

SAD PANDA! What are you doing?

Yeah there's nothing straight about that. It's like the guy I sat next to on the plane that I thought was flirting with me until he told me my shoes were "cute." No straight guy says that.

No hookers. Talk to you later.

Obviously that was a drunk text the other night, but I miss you too.

And he was blind? You are a better person than me. My guy was supposedly 28 but looked 17 and was a trust fund kid. And I was really happy about that. You fell in love with a blind man that showed you around the world. You win. My guy wasn't hot until I found out he was rich! He was a part of the wealthiest family in southern california. His house was sick. It was like it's own island. God, I'm shallow.

We ended up in this serious coke party in a penthouse suite in the wynn last night. Yikes. Did you make out last night?

Are you floating on clouds of love today?

Mike just got here. My place is a mess. He's changing in my room and I have an edward cullen poster up! So embarrassing!

Ah that's cute! I feel this story developing... Get that ahole friend of his address so I can send him anonymous threats.

The bubonic plague is in china. Soon in Biff's compost heap.

I've said a lot of creepy things. I do not know which one you're referring to.

Tits tits tits

Damnit! Just pissed my pants while standing in the bathroom stall. Who does that? Oh yes, 80 year olds.

Oh nice. How'd you find out? I think you are destined to be with an old, short guy. Just embrace it.

I'm in love with a richard gere look-a-like that works at trader joes.

I would transplant my blood to you if it came down to it. Just know that.

If anyone ever asks me what the longest orgasm I've ever had is, I will tell them as long as it took me to finish that sandwich. It is gone and now I'm sad.

You owe me a pet monkey only.

In the midwest, it's fun to go mullet hunting. In san diego man tramp stamp hunting is a saturday favorite.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Re: Stacks" by Bon Iver

It's his year of technology

2009-07-28T12:56:00.003-04:00

I was feeling pretty down yesterday, as I got some news that a childhood friend of mine passed away on Saturday night. Knowing this, my dad sent me this text yesterday.

"A poem

life is a gift
erin is a gift
erin is life"

Not only was it one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, my dad actually took the time to text it to me. This is the man who I will text a question or a funny comment to, and his response is always, "I love you too." This is because it's already saved in his phone from the one time I texted him with, "I love you" and he responded.

When I marveled at the fact that he actually typed this all out, he said, "It took five minutes for the poem, thirty for the text."

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Skateaway" by Dire Straits

Cranky McGrump

2009-07-08T14:23:00.003-04:00

The sky is seriously more blue than I have ever seen it. The sun is shining, it's a perfect temperature with a slight breeze. I'm employed. I've got many great friends who I laugh with until my belly hurts and my eyes water. I'm hosting a kick ass party this weekend that will hopefully end in a 4 am sing along to Frankie Valli's greatest hits.

But for the past three days I've been: sour, sarcastic, cranky, grumpy, bitchy, irritated and at one point smug for being all of those previous adjectives. I've also come down with a case of Attention Deficit Disorder. Hence why I'm writing a blog post at 2:30 in the afternoon.

What the fuck is up? No idea.

Maybe I'm bitter because the 4th of July weekend, although quite fun and booze filled, provided no nice weather, and once I stepped into the office, the sun came out and begged me to play hooky. I wanted to go canoeing so badly today, that I would have made a deal with my sister to take the trash out for a year. That's a big fucking deal, people. Seriously, trash is stinky and it makes me gag.

I know that I haven't posted anything about my trip to Mexico. Not that it wasn't an exciting and fun vacation, but I don't really have any crazy stories to tell. We went for rest and relaxation and we got it. We went snorkeling and had some wonderful meals, and many bottles of Sol. We met some nice people, and got a lot of sun. It was perfect.

Here is the only awkward story that I can think of to tell:

We walked into a bar that was hosting a party for "Grad Week," which meant that the entire bar was populated with 18-year-olds, freshly graduated from HIGH SCHOOL. Now, I'm not saying that I'm old. I'm 27. I've always said, "Age is nothing but a number." Although in retrospect, that was usually to justify having a crush on a guy who was probably too old for me. But, drinking in that bar, with all these kids (yes, kids) I felt as if Chris Hansen was going to jump out wearing his turtle neck and blazer and tell me that I was being taped for his show "How to Catch a Predator." It's not like I was on the prowl for some vacation sex, but I didn't mind if I did a little flirting, and I just couldn't wrap my mind around chatting, let alone batting my eyes at anyone in there. (I don't know how to flirt.) Sure, they're 18, which means they're legal. But I used to babysit kids that are now older than that. Creepy. How do men do it? I mean, sure after you reach a certain point in adulthood, a 10 year age difference isn't a big deal. But, I have a hunch there are a good amount of guys who are my age that would have taken the opportunity to hook up with a just legal co-ed. I'm not judging, because I love me some older dudes, but I just can't see myself going the other way.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Won't Want for Love (Margaret in the Taiga)" by The Decemberists

All-Star

2009-06-26T10:27:00.003-04:00

This summer I thought I needed to play on a slow pitch, recreational softball team. I hadn't received any invitations from any other teams, so I decided to start my own. After making myself crazy trying to align teammates schedules and leagues, we landed on the semi-competitive league on Thursday nights.

I grew up playing fast pitch softball. I started with t-ball at 5-years-old, and moved to coach pitch, and then finally fast pitch at 8-years-old. I was a decent player and played through high school. I broke my leg playing indoor softball during the first inning, and finished the game, drove myself home, and took myself to the hospital. I was something of a badass.

Then came college and beer. And then came post-college and cocktails. Now I'm a 27-year-old ex athlete who still plays like she's in prime condition. I have yet to have a game this summer where I have not fallen down or gotten hurt.

Last night, we had a storm roll through during the 3rd inning of our game. We took a 15 minute break, and then came back out onto the field. I'm batting clean-up, and I hit a line drive into right field. I get on base, no problem. Joe is a lefty who bats behind me. He knocks one into left center and it gets through the gap. A faster runner would have made it home to score, but I am slow and know that if I hustle, I will be safe at third. So, I get "on my horse" and start trucking it to second, and as I make the turn to third, I slip in the rubber base and go down flat on my face. The ball is still live, so I turn on my knee and do a sad crawl back to second and extend my arm to the bag and lay there in all my glory. I hear a roar of laughter, and know that this couldn't have looked pretty.

Our team, Scared Hitless, has yet to win a game this season. We've had our fair share of good games, but mostly we've been run ruled. If you'd like to see me possibly break a limb next week during our double header, everyone is welcome to come and laugh at me and maybe shoot some footage to win yourself a little money on America's Funniest Home Videos, or whatever the show is called.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "PYT" by Michael Jackson

27

2009-06-08T11:23:00.003-04:00

So where did May go? I could have sworn that I had recently posted to this bad boy, but alas it's been since April 21st. Not much has changed in my life since then, except that my liver has more damage from a few weekend benders. But that really isn't so much out of the ordinary.

Today is my 27th birthday. I got my teeth cleaned this morning. I know how to have a good time. There was much celebrating this past weekend, and there is part of me that wonders if I'll ever be able to take shots again.

If you had asked me when I was 18, where I'd be in my life at 27, I would have told you married with a kid on the way. I can't tell you how happy I am that 18-year-old me was so wrong. I'm looking forward to spending my 27th year traveling, experiencing new music and cuisine, meeting new people, and maybe even falling in love. I have a feeling 27 is going to be good to me.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Sleepless" by The Decemberists

A lot of my friends text me about poop.

2009-04-21T14:50:00.003-04:00

My text inbox is full again. Here are the gems:

I went to church to was away my sins. I don't think it worked.

What does Brian Fantana name his balls?

Portly island intern

Well I really didn't see my work friend. I was in the bathroom "doing work"

If I didn't love you, I would have seriously killed u with a chain saw

With a lasso and a sword

Well we just got back from breakfast and he is shitting in Jess's bathroom, so who knows?

Your interpretive dancing was hot, that's how! Bigger! Flashier!

We will dominate that menu.

How's ur day? I'm off. Endured a wonderful pap smear she was the one doing work this time. Ewwwww that was uncalled for.

Detoxed. I don't know.

You had me at "let's be best friends"

Yes silly. Don't take me for a fool. Show me the money!

I'm about to put gasoline in my chain saw while doing some serious work... if you know what I mean

You know we will bon qui qui. Love you long time.

Disappointed with the corndog.

I would never risk chopping off that masterpiece

Okay I know I never play it cool. How do u expect someone to act like u don't like him when all u want to do is have his little lumberjack babies?

K. I'm ready to play now. In my brassiere.

Well, better Kate Hudson than some tramp.

Gross. I just emptied a can of soda to use as a bowl. Small world? I'm trying to embrace so cal and become a proper pot head.

I don't even know how to respond to that. You know you can opt not to have a crush right?

There are cowboys here.

Ha ha snacks are good birthday

What do you mean by balls?

You really did growl! It made me laugh. I just took a huge dump! It was bad. I sprayed, I hope it still doesn't smell.

Absolutely. But I want to be an elephant not a clown.

I like to occasionally make eye contact. Like saying yeah I know you just pooped.

So the j crew employee just asked if she could start me a fitting room and I said sure. And she asked me name and then she told me hers and I go "nice to meet you!" really excited. I don't think that was the appropriate response.

Unanimous answer is girl with a strap on. How is your day going?

Don't let me see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!

I guess the road to stardom is paved with broken dreams and orange assholes...

Oh I saw the pic. That guy was super creepy. he picked me up and carried me across the dance floor right when we got there. I don't know why.

I love your ball!

Yeah. Cuz he was a bad boy. He had tattoos. Society had no hold on him.

Books is going 2 a "90s Love concert" featuring dru hill and silk. If that weren't enough, my immediate response was, "IS SYSQO GOING 2 B THERE?"

Uh! No more door beating. my slutty phase is wrapping up.

Put me in a gray shirt for five seconds and I will be pitting out! What is with that?

Being around these babies at the hospital strangely makes me want one. I must be going insane.

Bring a Mexican wrestling mask. That way if nothing else pans out, you can hook up with the dude in my picture

What is wrong with you?! Stop sweating you stupid bitch!

Are sketchers uncool?

I had that yesterday. I brought a whole 2 taco meal into the theater by myself. I looked like a fat loser. Everyone has their popcorn and candy and I pull out a full tray of tacos and beans from my purse. Yes I was hiding it there.

You walk like an old old wooden ship.

I was just in a meeting with my boss and the guy Brent that I started with. Brent said, "man, that's beefy" referring to a presentation binder and I almost blurted out "that's what she said." Prob better that I didn't on my first week.

No I was embarrassed to admit I know you

Yeah. Did you read the bible or imdb?

Eww gross. This guy sounds ridiculous. Can I date him?

I will CUT you

He does own a mullet wig.

It was hot. Extremely passionate. The kind from the movies. And even with a condom. It was a good mix of sweet and gentle and passionate and steamy. Descriptive enough for you?

I am gassy mcghee

Good that u finally started and congrats on getting molested. Sounds like a good day!

Blaaaaah.... now is that the sound of me getting sick on rice and beans or you losing your mind over softball leagues?

Rice and beans plus coffee equals bad news bears.

Groin cramp!

A student told me i felt "gooshy" i need to start working out

Holy shit. The coke heads that live below me got their apartment busted in by about 10 DEA agents this morning and I believe are in jail now.

Jane: I am giving up sex for lent. Me: You are giving up a sin for lent

I decided when I am saying goodbye to you i am going to say rub a dub dub

Also, I think i am having the least satisfying poop of my life.

Carlton just said hijinx on fresh prince.

What did you have for dinner? Cocaine?

"The average person releases about a liter of gas every day (about 14 expulsions)" - Elena's biology book

P.S. My pee problem is back with serious vengence. I almost peed myself 3 times today and one was while I was talking to my boss. Awesome.

I want to hug you & play your cleavage like drums!

Why would you want to get away from Hall and oats?

Sorry. I was proud of myself this morning for flushing the toilet.

There are so many squirrels out front the house i bet if i had some peanuts i could grab one

When you get here the stinky smell is not me today.

I am demolishing a foot long.

Shirt open to the belly button, Jack?

That boob is bigger than that one

Not you too! Will you still love it if its a toilet baby?

Jess is giving me shit cause I told her I went off birth control and she keeps pointing at me and yelling "preggers!" A toilet baby is from the TLC show about women who had their babies in the toilet cause they didn't know they were pregnant.

Good you just enjected more shark juice into my scrot

Anal escort

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams

Play that Funky Music

2009-04-09T10:12:00.002-04:00

I fancy myself pretty in tune with a lot of different music genres. (Oh how punny am I?) But I feel like I'm late to the party with a lot of bands. Like, Neutral Milk Hotel. They disbanded before the turn of the century, and I just discovered them a year or two ago. It's not that I was busy listening to top 40 radio, it's that I'll get really into a new band and kind of immerse myself in them, and then when I come up for air, I've missed other amazing bands. It's hard to keep up. There is a lot of amazing music out there. And with the all the technology, more people are making music and getting it out there than ever before.

I grew up listening to classic standards like The Beach Boys and The Beatles. My parents were music lovers, so there was always something good coming out of the stereo. My favorite band was The Beach Boys. They were my first concert, and my parents actually met Mike Love and Al Jardine when they went to take a smoke outside before the concert started. I was so jealous. They got their autographs, and I really hope that I still have it somewhere.

In the 2nd grade, if we passed our spelling test on the first try, we were allowed free time while the kids who didn't pass had to retake the test. Being a smart cookie, I passed and raced to the tape player with my Catch a Wave cassette in hand. Clunky, blue headphones on, I started jamming to "Fun, Fun, Fun" and was really getting into it, when I was tapped on the shoulder by my teacher Mrs. Heck. Apparently, I had been singing aloud, and was disturbing the rest of the class as they tried to spell words like "autumn" and "bicycle." Morons. The whole class laughed at me, and my face went a bright crimson, but I didn't abandon my love of Carl Wilson's lovely falsetto on "God Only Knows" or Brian's knack for writing a perfect pop song. I'm not going to lie, I got really into NKOTB, Tiffany and Milli Vanilli during that same time. But affairs come and go, true love lasts forever.

In high school, I opted for rock bands like The Rolling Stones, The Doors, The Who, and Led Zeppelin. I also got really into Jimmy Buffett and Dave Matthews Band. I'm going to stand by my love of Jimmy Buffett, because he has some pretty great songs if you get past the dreck that is "Cheeseburger in Paradise" and "Margaritaville." Take a listen to "Biloxi" and "In the Shelter." Both are on the Changes in Latitudes album, and both are close to my heart. Listening to Jimmy Buffett reminds me of family road trips to Florida in our big Chevy Beauville van, that we called "Old Blue." Dad had a standard mixed tape that he'd pop in for the 18 hour ride, and it included a lot of Jimmy Buffett, The Beach Boys and The Byrds. It makes me smile just thinking about it. I'm headed down to Florida myself on Saturday, might have to pay a little tribute.

In college, the birth of Napster, Scour, and Kazaa and befriending different friends with different music tastes broadened my horizons. Now, I subscribe to emusic.com, which allows me to download 50 songs a month for around $12. There, I've been introduced to Bon Iver, Magnetic Fields, Ryan Adams, Blonde Redhead, Of Montreal, Old Crow Medicine Show, and one of my new favorites: The Decemberists. But I still feel like I'm missing out.

Is there anything anyone thinks I should be listening to? My loves range from Talking Heads to George Michael, back to Ben Folds to Willie Nelson to Heart. I'll take a listen to just about anything, and I'll probably end up liking it. What do you have for me, Internet?

Now playing: "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse

April Fools

2009-04-01T11:31:00.003-04:00

In the spirit of April Fools Day, I'm going to be upfront about how I'm a sucker.

I was thinking about telling you about how I purchased a $200 tire for my car yesterday, but it's still a little fresh, and my cheeks are still tear stained. It especially hurts when your father is disappointed and tells you that you "were taken" and that "they saw you coming from a mile away." Insult to injury in it's truest form.

Do you know any 26 year old that has a time share? You do now! I'm taking my first time share vacation on April 11th to Daytona Beach, Florida. It's not so much of a time share, as a "vacation plan." Regardless, I'm still paying for it every month, and I feel like an idiot.

I used to be pretty clever with practical jokes. I would call my Grandma and joke with her that I was pregnant, and one time I convinced my mom that my sister, who was around 12 at the time, was hiding Playboys in her bedroom. That one backfired a little, because Mom started yelling at Megs, and made her cry. Sorry, Meggie Applehead.

But somewhere in my twenties, I lost my edge. I believe almost anything. I just know I'll be one of those old ladies on the news that gets scammed out of her retirement money. It's only a matter of time.

So if anyone is selling a bridge anywhere, or a nice piece of swamp land, you might want to try and sell to me. I'll probably take you up on it.

Now Playing: Plans by Band of Horses

"Who watches the Watchmen?"

2009-03-26T17:15:00.004-04:00

OK. I finally finished Watchmen. And yes, as you've probably heard elsewhere, far more eloquently, it was good. It was recommended to me by a friend of a friend a few months ago, so I thought I would read it before seeing it in the theater. Although enjoyable, it didn't catch me off guard by punching me square in the chest, leaving me gasping for breath. Zak told me it would blow my mind. Did it surprise me? Sorta. But rock my world off its axis? Not so much.

But you know what? I'm jazzed that a piece of fiction did that for him. I know there are books out there that have changed me and I've repeatedly recommended them. I wanted my friends to have the same reaction as I did. Which was "HOLY SHIT! HOW DID I LIVE MY LIFE BEFORE READING THIS?!" It's kind of disappointing when they weren't crapping their pants with excitement. Hence, why I'm not going to tell Zak that I merely enjoyed Watchmen.

(For those of you who worry that I'm going to spoil the ending, don't worry. I'm not.)

There were some MAJOR themes in this graphic novel, but there were so many small, trivial questions that I wanted answers to. I simply cannot get over these stupid facts that were just glossed over. Like, why did Rorschach smell? Did he not shower? His stench was commented upon like, 10 times. 10 times! With no explanation! Come on!

Also, why is Dr. Manhattan always naked? He starts out with a full body suit, then cuts down to a wrestling singlet, then to some bikini briefs, then he just goes full out streaker. Except he doesn't run. He calmly walks about. Naked. And they show his giblets. I'm not gonna lie, for being the most powerful "man" on Earth, he doesn't look so "powerful" below the belt. Must be a grower, not a shower. I'm not ashamed of looking. You would have too.

Why is Nixon president? It's set it in 1985. It doesn't make any sense. I have no witty commentary for that part. It just annoyed me.

For any help or theories you might have on these topics, I'd appreciate it.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Maneater" by Hall & Oates

"Which one of us has the PhD?"

2009-03-23T14:25:00.003-04:00

I watched Role Models this weekend after months of waiting for it to come out on DVD. For some reason, my sister only wants to see movies in the theater that warrant Academy Awards. But for a gut busting comedy, she makes me wait until I can order it on Netflix. Oh, she'll also go see Watchmen because of the special effects and superhero hoopla. I know I can go to the movies by myself. I'm definitely not above it. But there nothing sadder than to quote a movie that no one saw with you. So I waited.

It was hilarious. Jane Lynch is awesome, as always. If you want me to laugh at your movie, you should go ahead and cast her. She's brilliant.

Side note: Can I please get some of the elixir that Paul Rudd seems to have injected? Because that guy has not aged since he was in Clueless. It's not fair.

I got this text from Megan today:

(while watching Romeo + Juliet) This movie is 13 years old and Paul Rudd looks exactly the same.

(This post is full of links, isn't it? Not done yet!)

Anyway. It's not surprising that I like Role Models. I can reenact Superbad. I watch Anchorman every night before going to sleep. I own Wedding Crashers, Dodgeball, Old School, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Knocked Up and watch them all on a regular basis.

I was telling my dad yesterday how it's funny that I really enjoy well made films, and completely respect great actors and well written stories and plots. But if I'm going to re-watch a movie, my guess it's going to have a scene where Will Ferrell has his shirt off. I don't know what this says about me.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Hello It's Me" by Todd Rundgren

Otis! My main man!

2009-03-10T18:20:00.003-04:00

I want this so badly that I'm about to chuck my usual logic of not paying over $20 for a t-shirt right out the window. I mean, it's OTIS. On a shirt. Singing is goddamn heart out. I only wish his image was bigger, but considering I haven't seen any other Otis Redding t-shirts on the market, I'll take what I can get. (Mind you, I haven't been actively looking for Otis t-shirts, I just came upon this site. But you know what I mean.) If you find a better one, leave me a comment.

Otis Redding is one of my all-time favorite singers. His voice was not as smooth as Sam Cooke, but man, no one put more energy or emotion in their singing than Otis did. He wrote "Respect," and it made Aretha Franklin a household name, but I like his version much better. It's a shame that he passed before he could bask in "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" becoming a hit. I'm seriously feeling some feelings for Otis right now.

I also want the David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Neil Young shirts and about 15 others. You know, if you want to buy me a present or something.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Respect" by Otis Redding

Habitual Hungover Road Trip Conversation with Patrick

2009-03-09T18:31:00.001-04:00

While driving from Cleveland to Columbus

Me: You're a scientist. When are you going to invent transporting?

Patrick: What?

Me: I'm tired and hungover and I just want to be home and in bed. I just want to be transported home like *that* (snaps fingers)

Patrick: Transporting has already been invented. We're doing it right now.l It's when you move things from one place to another. It's been "invented" since the beginning of man.

Me: (Disgusted sigh) You know what I mean. Like, in Star Trek. Pressing a button and being TRANSPORTED at the speed of light to wherever you want to go.

Patrick: I think you mean teleporting.

Me: YES! Whatever it's called. So, when are you gonna get on that?

Patrick. (Shakes head and sighs. Proceeds to sleep in passenger seat for the remaining ride home.)

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Don't Want to Get Over You" by The Magnetic Fields

Things I want to do this weekend

2009-03-06T14:59:00.003-05:00

- Read all the back issues of Rolling Stone that I have neglected over the past few months. Don't worry Sean Penn, I'm definitely going to read that profile on you.

- Watch both RocknRolla and Hamlet 2 that I have from Netflix. I've had RocknRolla for about a month now, and it's annoying me that I'm not utilizing Netflix cost efficiently.

- Finish Me Talk Pretty One Day because I'm only 9 years behind everyone else in reading David Sedaris books. (Only 2 more to go.)

- Sleep in until I wake up naturally, without an alarm on both Saturday and Sunday.

- Go to the gym both days for really intense, tiring workouts that make me feel like I've actually physically accomplished something.

- Do my taxes in order to get that refund back with a quickness. Gotta save for about a billion hotel stays this summer.

- Soak my feet like a 90-year-old and give myself a pedicure.

(Look at me posting twice in one day.)

P.S. It's not sunny anymore. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now Playing: "Secondhand News" by Fleetwood Mac

"What's with today, today?"

2009-03-06T13:09:00.004-05:00

Why, it's Rex Manning day!

I'm sitting at the office right now reading archives of Danielle's blog and I should be working on checking math questions for a worksheet test, but even 5th grade math is eluding me right now. What's up with you, brain? I'm in this hazy funk today, which is super weird because I have a lot of things to smile about today.

It's actually sunny today! In Ohio! In March! And the temperature is 67 degrees and is creeping into the 70s this weekend! Exclamation points!!! It calls for rolling down the windows and the blasting of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" which does not have the same affect in the cold, depressing winter months, let me tell you. But, Ohio weather is a cruel temptress, and although I'm happy to bust out some sunglasses and shed the heavy coat, I'm bracing myself for snow flurries and some freezing rain. I have seen entirely too many Ohio "springs" to think that this warm weather will be a constant through the next month or two. Yes, my name is Debbie Downer. Nice to meet you. Is that where my funk is coming from? Maybe. Doesn't feel like it though.

I also get to spend the weekend at my parents' house helping my mom rehab her knee replacement that she had on Tuesday. This might sound like a chore to some, but to be around my family and joke and laugh with them beats anything else I could have possibly done this weekend. Mom is a tough cookie, and she isn't allowing for much assistance, which is a positive in her recovery, but doesn't give me much to help her with. Basically, I'll be there to make sure she isn't victim of those tragic "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercials. So she and I will probably sit around and read, and watch movies and maybe play some cards. Then Dad will come home from work, and we'll eat food and make fun of each other and laugh and make fun of each other some more. Maybe Megan will be there too.

Well, there's no way that's where the funk is coming. What else?

- I got my eyebrows waxed last night, and look like a female human instead of a yeti. All positive there.

- I shaved my legs this morning to continue the path of feeling like a lady. Thumbs up.

- It's Friday and I don't have to see my co-workers for two whole days. God bless.

- I'm wearing a black shirt with navy blue socks and Birkenstocks. I don't match. It's trivial, but I can't think of anything else so....

That must be it.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now playing: "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison

I'm always just one step behind the rest

2009-03-04T17:25:00.002-05:00

As you know, I've started to use Twitter. I like that I can "micro-blog" about stupid shit that runs through my strange, strange brain without writing an entire blog post about it.

But there are still about a million things I don't understand. Like, what is number sign (#) with words following it? What does RT mean? How come I only have 12 followers? Can I tell if anyone has "starred" my "tweets?" Can they tell I've starred theirs?

It took me about a month to figure out OH: meant "Overheard." And discovering that made me feel like a goddamn genius. It's like the time in high school when my family first got AOL, and I began my world of online chatting. Someone used the abbreviation "LOL" and I immediately sprung into awkward 15-year-old defense mode and thought retaliated with "FUCK YOU!" because I thought they were calling me a "Loser On Line." Drink me in. I always go down smooth.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now Playing: "He's So Shy" by The Pointer Sisters

Fact: I'm better than you

2009-02-26T13:12:00.005-05:00

I bought tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar as a Christmas gift for my sister this year. Megan has loved this musical since she was in middle school and VH1 ran muliple showings of the movie enough times to hook her. She claims that JCS is in her Top Three favorite musicals.

I had never seen the movie nor heard the score, but I like Andrew Lloyd Webber well enough, and I trust Megan's taste. When other people compare themselves to their siblings by using the simile, "We're like night and day!" I often say that Megan and I are like, "night and later that night." We enjoy most of the same music, movies, and activities. Essentially, she has great taste. So when she invited me to accompany her, I accepted.

We've seen Rent, Phantom of the Opera, Avenue Q, and Sweeney Todd together, and I got the chance to see A Chorus Line and Wicked on Broadway. Monday night's performance of Jesus Christ Superstar was just decent for me. This is where Megan and my tastes diverge, because this is probably my least favorite musical I've seen. I think part of this had to do with my limited knowledge of the bible. My parents blame themselves, but I'm really OK with my naivety of such things. Musically, Judas was exceptional, and Caiaphas's range was like none I had ever heard before. My jaw literally dropped when I heard him go from a low bass note to a mid-range tenor note. Although very impressive, I didn't leave with an infectious tune in my head that I could hum for the next few days. But that's not really what this post is about. I'm going to go ahead and rant a little bit here if you don't mind.

We go to the theatre enough to know that you should dress in nicer clothes to see a play, musical, ballet, or opera. I can't tell you how many people show up wearing jeans and t-shirts. When I see you people, I probably give you a dirty look and then smugly smile knowing that I'm better than you. On Monday, we saw tons of people casually dressed like they were going to see a demolition derby. If the ushers are dressed in tuxedos, maybe take the hint and at least put on a pair of goddamn khakis and a collared shirt. We actually saw one guy in Adidas tearaway pants, a hooded sweatshirt and a snow hat. I know I sound like a snob, but I don't care. If you can afford theatre tickets in this shit economy, you can afford not to look like you just got back from the gym.

I guess it just makes me nostalgic for the days where going out was a big deal and you got dressed up for a "night on the town." Those traditions have basically gone out of style, but I'm still holding onto them at the theatre.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"Think of Me" by Andrew Lloyd Webber

I would have forgotten...

2009-02-25T12:17:00.003-05:00

I was reminded that I said I would post a list of the movies I quoted last week. I got a few correct guesses via comments, texts, and forcing my sister to sit down and read my damn blog already.

And since I'm still high off of winning movie passes in an Oscar prediction contest, I am in the movie spirit! It's the little things in life, people.

1. The Last of the Mohicans, said by Magua played by Wes Studi.

2. Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny Castle played by Patrick Swayze.

3. The Departed, said by Frank Costello played by Jack Nicholson.

4. Almost Famous, said by Lester Bangs played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman

5. Ancorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy, said by Champ Kind played by David Koechner.

6. Meatballs, said by Tripper Harrison played by Bill Murray.

7. Stranger Than Fiction, said by Harold Crick played by Will Ferrell.

8. Field of Dreams, said by "Shoeless" Joe Jackson played by Ray Liotta.

9. Superbad, said by Seth played by Jonah Hill.

10. Love Actually, said by Harry played by Alan Rickman.

11. Super Troopers, said by Foster played by Paul Soter.

12. Snatch, said by Avi played by Dennis Farina.

13. Fight Club, said by Tyler Durden played by Brad Pitt.

14. The Notebook, said by Noah played by James Garner.

15. Old School, said by Mitch Martin played by Luke Wilson.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Knowing Me, Knowing You" by ABBA

The Oscars

2009-02-23T14:27:00.003-05:00

I love award shows, therefore I love the Oscars. Since I arrive into work this morning, I've been reading different opinions on last night's show on msn, yahoo, various blogs, etc. (I don't have much work to do right now.)

So I thought I'd give a few opinions/musings myself:

- Overall, I think Hugh Jackman did a great job of hosting. In the pre-Oscar interview with Barbara Walters, he said that he wanted make the Academy Awards "more show and less biz." I think he pulled it off. Some people will say that he took the Oscars, and made them like the Tony Awards, but I just worked with what he's got. Which is, in my opinion, a lot of talent. It's nice to see that People's Sexiest Man of 2008 is a triple threat.

- Saying that, I think they could have done without the middle number with Beyonce. Don't get me wrong, I like Beyonce. But what's with her lip syncing? That was disappointing, and kind of embarrassing for her. I mean, the one thing she became famous for is singing, and Hugh totally shows her up by performing live.

- I correctly predicted all the big winners! Hopefully, this will grant me the movie passes from the contest I entered at my local library. (Yes, I'm a nerd.) For some reason, I knew they wouldn't give Best Actor to Mickey Rourke. They probably see him as a liability, and went with the "safer" Sean Penn.

- Speaking of Sean Penn, I was really disappointed that he didn't thank his wife. I know that sometimes you get caught up in the moment, but she was sitting RIGHT THERE in in line of sight. It's hard to forget someone when they give you a big kiss upon hearing your name called.

- Jessica Biel's dress was, by far, the ugliest of the night. It looked like stayed in bed with Justin Timberlake until the last final minute and wrapped herself in the post-coital sheets to head down the red carpet.

- Was Ralph Fiennes in every movie made this year? Seriously, that guy was in The Reader, In Bruges, The Duchess and The Hurt Locker. Three out of four were nominated in some category or another. Well done on being a part of some critically acclaimed movies, Ralph. He was also in Bernard and Doris, which came out in 2007, but was recognized in the recent Golden Globes.

- Yes, Sophia Loren's dress was slightly crazy. But as my sister reminded me, "She is an old Italian woman. That is what they wear." Also, she is 74. 74! And she still looks pretty good.

- Could Merryl Streep be anymore humble or elegant? No, it would impossible.

- Why didn't Bruce Springsteen get nominated for Best Song for The Wrestler? Also, does anyone know why John Legend sang the Wall-E song instead of Peter Gabriel?

- I think it was a classy touch to have past winners present and address the nominees. I thought Shirley MacLaine's speech to Anne Hathaway was especially cute when she told her to "keep singing." Reminded me of my grandma.

- I swear I thought I saw Jennifer Aniston wink/nod to Brad Pitt while she was presenting for best animated movie. Maybe I imagine it, but it's because after all the drama, I want them to be friends.

- Tim Gunn is a perfect and rather delightful red carpet interviewer. Everyone else can seriously fuck off.

- Danny Boyle was genuinely proud and happy for all the awards his movie, Slumdog Millionaire, received. He seemed to be really enjoying himself, and appreciate the success of the film. Take a hint, other directors.

Anyway, it looks like I have some work to do now. Which is fine, because I was pretty much done anyway.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond

All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close-up

2009-02-19T11:06:00.004-05:00

I got this "meme" off of Byrneunit and since I have some time to kill, I thought I do it. Here is the premise:

Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
Post them for everyone to guess.
NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

If you want to guess the movies, you are more than welcome to comment. I can give the answers in a separate post in a few days, if anyone cares.

1. "When the Grey Hair is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will put his children under the knife, so the Grey Hair will know his seed is wiped out forever."

2. "You don't understand the way it is, I mean for somebody like me. Last month, I'm-I-I'm eating Jujubes to keep alive, this month women are stuffing diamonds in my pockets. I'm bouncing on shit and quick as that I could be down there again."

3. "When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

4. "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."

5. "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together."

6. "But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends."

7. "No, no. It's not schizophrenia. It's just a voice in my head. I mean, the voice isn't telling me to do anything. It's telling me what I've already done... accurately, and with a better vocabulary."

8. "Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven."

9. "Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube."

10. "Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies."

11. "Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?"

12. "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."

13. "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

14. "That's my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that's where my home is."

15. "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Round and Round" by Ratt

"Happy VD"

2009-02-17T12:28:00.002-05:00

VD = Valentine's Day, not venerial disease as I thought when my sister relayed a text she received this past Saturday night. Also, VD is so 1970s. We're all about calling them STDs, or STIs, by now right?

Anyway, my VD was mostly spent in the fetal position, because I had a crippling hangover. I guess many, many vodka and sodas on an empty stomach isn't the path to a productive Saturday morning, but then again it seems to go along with another Valentine's Day I've chronicled on this blog.

Side note: I don't know why, but I often challenge people to a dance-off when I reach a certain level of intoxication. Also, after said challenge, I may or may not have assumed a good-looking barback was gay and told him I had many cute gay friends I could set him up with. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he's straight. It's almost like I'm TRYING not to be asked out on dates.

Anyway, back to my Valentine's Day:

I chose an old-timey hangover remedy used faithfully by millions since the civil war era: McDonalds HI-C Orange Drink. This steadfast and proven cure is the only thing that will keep you from death. I'm sure of it.

After a nap and a viewing of "Singin' in the Rain," I was back on my feet and ready for a night on the town: dinner at a nice restaurant, and a home viewing of "Pride and Glory." That particular movie was chosen as Edward Norton is my sister Megan's, #1 dream man, and Colin Farrell is mine. But, it didn't leave me with amourous feelings toward Colin as the movie was pretty fucked up at parts. Good, but fucked up. Pretty much like my love life.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Carrie-Ann" by The Hollies

Shocker

2009-02-06T16:10:00.002-05:00

(While watching Private Practice with my sister Megan)

Me: Aww. I like him. I wish we had a pediatrician like that when we were growing up.

Megan: Then your love of older men would have started even earlier than it did. *giggles*

Me: Nah. I wouldn't have had a crush on him, because he would have had to stick his finger up my ass... and I didn't get into that until I was older.

(Look of complete horror overcomes Megan's face)

Me: *laughs* I'm totally kidding. I just wanted to see what you'd do.

Megan: That's just WRONG! I'm still horrified.

Me: That was my intention.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra

In the year 2000...

2009-02-05T11:21:00.003-05:00

I was going through some old diaries last night in search of something to submit to a book called Cringe. The book is a compilation of people's old journal entries, poems, songs, and letters. There is a monthly live reading in Brooklyn of these lost feelings, and I've really wanted to attend, but haven't been able to make it. My friend Tracie actually had two entries accepted from her "Journal of Rage and Hatred," and reads occasionally since she now lives in NYC. Since she's one of the funniest people I know, her contributions were a favorite of mine.

I kept a sporadic diary from elementary through college. I still pen the occasional entry if I'm in the need of some journal therapy. But going back to my senior year of high school was... wow. I can't even come up with a word to describe my deluded self-confidence. Especially reading lines such as, "I wore my tight black shirt and gray skirt today. A lot of the guys told me I looked sexy. What can I say?" Who is this girl? I also talk about "getting a piece" which is about the most fratastic thing to hear from a 17 year old virgin. Sure, like most sappy girls I go on to "feel some feelings" and use trite and hideously teenage words and phrases like, "soul," and "heartbroken," and "I just want to love, and be loved in return."

Speaking of that "love," I don't think I made it through one entry without talking about boys and my subsequent crushes on them. And, I know that's what most girls talk about in their diaries, but I was a little surprised how I much I wanted to spread my love around to several boys at once. There was one boy who I was "crushing on" who had to be rushed to the hospital for having too much oxygen around his heart. Scary, right? Well, oh-so-considerate teenage Erin told him, "You shouldn't be thinking about me so much, your heart is getting too excited." Seriously? Again, who is this girl and who taught her to talk like that?

My love of older men was also revealed and cultivated in those lined notebook pages. I read about how I pursued an Old Navy co-worker who was 21, and an art student friend who was 22 and couldn't understand why they didn't want to date me. Sure, if I were to now date a man with that age difference, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, what sort of creepster is going to date a 17-year-old in high school when they can legally drink in bars? I would 100% judge them now if they had taken me up on my offer.

I'm having a hard time picking something out to read that my parents won't be ashamed of. I may start with something a little more innocent from middle school where I apparently asked four boys to be my boyfriend in the matter of a three days. No. Not desperate at all.

What's even more sad is that even though I haven't gone back to read my college journals, I'm not sure they're going to be that much more mature. My bet is that the only difference is that I talk about sex. Or lack thereof.

I'll let you know if my submission gets accepted, and then you can go buy the book and read about boy-crazy 13-year-old Erin.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "The Greatest" by Cat Power

2009-02-03T15:52:00.002-05:00

Just like John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher, I'm on Twitter. (Does that mean I'm a douche bag too?) Or am I twittering? I don't really know the lingo yet.

Unlike here, I do update that everyday. Some days I update twice! How about that?

So if you'd like to follow that, my twitter name is EbirdMc. It's a toss up if I'm more interesting here or there. Considering three people read this thing, and I have six followers on Twitter, I'd say I'm pretty unpopular all over this Internet. Man, it sounds like I'm crying "feel sorry for me" tears all over my keyboard doesn't it?

Now Playing: "New Virginia Creeper" by Old Crow Medicine Show

Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T11:13:00.002-05:00

I know that I can't do a better job of explaining what today means for our country than most writers out there. But, I can explain what today means to me.

This election brought out a lot of emotions from me. I never had before voted FOR someone to be our president. Usually, I was a "lesser of two evils" voter, and afterward it just made me feel dirty. I was genuinely inspired by Barack Obama, and I think by his win, it shows the world that we can be the America we have been in the past. We make mistakes like every other country, for America is comprised of humans, not robots. And we try and fix those mistakes. I'm not saying that Obama is the sole fix to the messy state we're in, but I think he's a start.

I'm proud to be an American again, and I haven't said that for a very long time. Even if you didn't vote for Obama, I hope you can support and respect our 44th president. I've tried, although have sometimes failed, in doing that for Bush the past eight years. I'm very hopeful for our nation's future. Especially today.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"America the Beautiful" sung by Ray Charles

Helloooooo

2008-11-22T21:14:00.002-05:00

I'm super drunk, and I remembered I needed to post. I am doing a good job on typing. So there.

OSU beat Michigan by an embarrassing score. Awesome.

now I am sitting in my living room waiting for friends to go out to the bar. This could lead to bad/awesome night. It's 9:16. Yikes.

Slamiky Malargy....

NOw Playoing: Shut up and Drive by Rihanna.... don't judge me

Whoops

2008-11-21T19:15:00.003-05:00

Forgot to post yesterday. I am 100% sure no one noticed.

This is a big week in Columbus, Ohio. Tomorrow is the biggest rival game in Big Ten Football, if not all of college football. The Ohio State University vs. the team from up north. (University of Michigan.)

It's not as hyped this year, because Michigan sucks something awful, and we're (OSU) are expected to trample them by 20 points. Doesn't make for a particularly good football game, but I want to see them win regardless.

A lot of OSU fans say they want Michigan to lose every game of the season. I'm the opposite. I want them to win every game, except the last one. The one where they play the Buckeyes, and the Buckeyes rip the undefeated season out of their grasp.

OH-IO! Go Bucks!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "The Bank and Trust" by The Elected

Aflac?

2008-11-19T14:27:00.002-05:00

An insurance salesman just left my office, but not before stopping at my desk and giving me a quacking stuffed duck key chain. He looked quite pleased with himself to be giving me said gift. My boss just told me that he thinks that Aflac guy was hitting on me. First off... awkward that my boss even said that. Second, that's the last way to win me over. I'm not a stuffed animal type girl.

He was pretty cute though, soft spoken and polite. We'll see.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" by Dropkick Murphys

Fighting the gym

2008-11-18T23:25:00.005-05:00

I went to the gym tonight for the first time in about 2 months. Apparently, when I returned from France, I thought I had done enough walking in that one week to last me awhile. Then I got really sick and couldn't leave my bed for a week. Then I just got lazy. That brings us to tonight. I'm getting back into the swing of things.

Oh if it were that easy. Instead of easing my muscles and joints into a regular workout routine, I like to shock them by doing the exact same routine as when I stopped going to the gym last. That means I did the same workout tonight that it took weeks to build up to before.

I hope I can walk tomorrow. Hell, I hope I can brush my teeth tomorrow.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding

I didn't find one person in France who looked like this:

2008-11-17T21:24:00.004-05:00

Bummer, huh? Gotta love flagrant stereotypes. I don't feel that bad, because when Elena and I arrived in France, a French boy was proudly wearing his cowboy hat that he purchased in the US. It's funny how every nationality seems to have token head wear.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna

She went to Paris, looking for answers to questions that bothered her so

2008-11-16T14:37:00.009-05:00

I went to Paris about 2 months ago, with my friend Elena to visit our other friend Bridget. It was a fantastic vacation and despite falling ill halfway through the trip, I absolutely fell in love with the city. Bridget was a superb hostess and tour guide; we'll owe her for a lifetime for her generosity.

Here are some photos from the trip. I can't wait to go back for a long weekend to visit.

Bridget and Elena

Me and Elena

Me and Sacré Cœur

At Monet's Water Lily Pond

At the Louvre Pyramids at dusk

I have many stories from my trip that I might share in the upcoming days to keep me posting more.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie

Was it a Y wing or an X wing that destroyed the Death Star?

2008-11-15T16:22:00.003-05:00

I went to a party last night with my friend Patrick, who is a chemist. The party was hosted and attended by people he works with, which means there were mostly scientists there.

I had a great time, and everyone was so nice. There was a heated debate about Star Wars, in which I could not properly weigh in because, although I like the movie, I have only seen the trilogy a handful of times. And that is probably a generous estimate. I also have never seen the prequels. I kinda felt like I was in an episode of The Big Bang Theory.

For as much as they like Star Wars, they like to drink just as much. I am hungover today.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "On Top" by The Killers

Skiddlee beebop a we rock a scoobie doo, guess what America? I love you

2008-11-14T10:41:00.004-05:00

I know this sentiment is about a week and a half late, but I couldn't be more proud of my country for the recent election of Barack Obama as our 44th President of the United States.

Well done, America. Pat yourself on the back. Maybe go out and get yourself a sweet treat to celebrate. You deserve it.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "America" by Simon and Garfunkel

My inbox is full.... (that's what she said)

2008-11-13T11:16:00.003-05:00

Here are some more texting gems:

So are you getting the sex itch? Wow, that sounds like some unpleasant STD. I meant are you craving some hot love making?

Bel biv devoe is on right now!

What is the universal language?... Love. No Joanna, it's math!

We watched sex simulations though... you know, speaking of awkward.

U sure its not that dead baby again?

They play the smooth jazz and I think I am going to stroke out

Trampoline is on Olympics RIGHT NOW

But my life, my love, and my lady is the sea!

You guys should do the dance from teen witch at the end of the wedding. Remember that movie?

Emotional or physical hangover?

Don't I look good on a segway?

Ugly baby is judging you right now

Beat up one of their stupid french mimes for me

I know. I tried to look back and wave but there was a guy blocking my view. I'm pretty sure he thought we were lesbian lovers. Love ya!

Now who's neck am I gonna rub all creepy like?

Retainer in, diary out

Kiss and beyond!

Harness!

Tom Selleck such a babe!

Sadly, it makes me feel better when other people are not being productive. So thank you.

I think we need to call him Matthew. Matty sounds like he's either gay or 5.

I need to find you a daddy. (Only I can say that)

I just want to curl up in a bearskin rug and go to bed!

Donkey balls.

Balls are weird.

Oh man. Not good. I just got done taking a 7th grade level reading and math test and now waiting for my score. If I don't pass I may need to seriously reevaluate my Miami education.

I had a dream that I had to take a shit in a toilet in the middle of a crowded parking lot. It was so embarrassing. What does that mean?!

Bonjour cat!

Jess and I are wondering when the mediator is going to ask McCain to discuss what's happening with the growth on the left side of his face.

I'm dancing in the dark by myself.

Go for it! Its like in spades when you already know there is no way you can win so you shoot for the moon. Or is that hearts? Either way, shoot for the moon!

She is not doing so hot today though. She just puked again at the bagel place.

Haha yeah we bought 150 large crickets at a pet store and let them loose in his apartment when he wasn't home... sweet retribution

So he called and I had to poop so bad that I lied and told him my mom was beeping in. I have done that too many times.

Farva can let a girl know whats on his mind with a subtle movement of the eyebrows

I should go to the dumpster outside the prom and get my own dead baby

Makeout parade!

I was watching Paris Hilton's reality show earlier and it made me wonder what our world has come to.

Oh my goodness. Did I tell you I used to kiss Patrick on the TV screen?! How embarrassing! I thought that was my own little secret.

Like a vampire but with dogs.

Day man. Fighter of the night man. Master of karate.

If I ever have a threesome, it will not be with a melinda. Ha!

But I just put on my body glitter!

They need to stop saying carbanara

Would it be an HR issue if your boss asks who you're voting for and it's not who he's voting for and he goes on for 30 minutes telling me why I'm wrong?

If I had a british boyfriend I would never break up with him!

Well I get paid next friday and I will treat you right baby

The night has just begun and I'm already mixing white wine with PBR. It's called a God Bless America. I will regret this.

What are you, a blue iguana?

Well yeah. To each his own. My own just happens to be taking jager bombs to the face.

I have decided I can't drink red bull on Ritalin. It makes me insane. Maybe it's just the red bull period. Devil.

Ewww really? Unattractive humper.

Really? Do you remember his name? Did he know me? He probably did. I was super popular.

I think I smell.

Remember the same day when a guy called us the plague. And then I punched him in the face and kicked him down the escalator. Well maybe that part was in my head but still should have happened!

We sent each other texts at the exact same moment. We're like a John Cusack movie!

We rock the shit out of vacationing.

Wind beneath my wings just came on! It's a sign! You are not alone.

Do you live on tree bend court and call yourself Pedro?

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Acid Tongue" by Jenny Lewis

I answer to so many names that people are going to start thinking I have multiple personality disorder

2008-11-10T16:28:00.006-05:00

With the recent "breaking news" of Future First Family Obama's code names picked by the secret service, I started thinking about all the nicknames I've received in my life. I love nicknames. I love getting them. I love giving them. I like to hear the stories about how other people get them. Here are mine.

Pook: My first ever nickname given to me by my parents. Sometimes they would spice things up and call me "Pook the Duke." I like this nickname a lot better than the "Dumbass" moniker they gave in later years.

Mac: I kind of inherited this one from my Grandpa and my Dad, who also go by this nickname. My Grandpa actually prefers to be called Mac, rather than Rodney, as he hates the name. Also, his middle name is Leroy, and he was so embarrassed of his middle name that he told my Grandma that is was Leonard and it appeared that way on their wedding invitations.

For me, Mac was most often used in high school by guys, or girls on my volleyball and softball teams. Grandpa and Dad seemed to hold onto it better than I did, because people still call them "Mac" and I don't hear it much anymore.

Sebastian: There is a theme to this nickname, and it doesn't have to do with Skid Row or classical music, but rather The Little Mermaid. In high school, my friend Jenny was dating Phil. Phil played the role of Prince Eric in the spring choir medley of The Little Mermaid. Although Jenny didn't play Ariel in the choir, Tracie and I named her as such since she was dating Phil. Therefore, it seemed right that Tracie be named Flounder and I, Sebastian. Jenny and Phil broke up as most high school couples do and now she is Scuttle. Tough demotion, huh?

Bunny: This is a two-way nickname. It comes from the first week of hanging out at college with my best friend Elena. We were drinking with some seniors, (we thought we were so cool) and one of them saw a rabbit hopping along and swore it looked like the rabbit was going to start talking to him, and offer him more to drink. He said, "NO Bunny! I don't want another beer!" For some reason, we thought this was the most hilarious thing we had ever heard, and started quoting this whenever we hung out. (Which was everyday.) We dropped the "I don't want another beer" (mostly because we did, in fact, ALWAYS want another beer.) We still call each other Bunny, or Bun and it's weird how something you say so often, is derived from something so stupid.

Squid Woman: I used to try to take my dad down with some awesome wrestling moves that consisted of me wrapping my arms around his neck and lifting my legs. Basically, the dead weight around his neck/back and the weakening of his aging knees would make him collapse; I could claim victory and a ticker tape parade would commence in my honor. I only took him down once. Every other attempt was foiled by actual wrestling techniques of my father. That didn't stop me from giving myself the wrestling name: The Fighting Squid. In proper shit-talking manner, I was taunted with the less fierce, more mutant sounding "Squid Woman."

Easy Mac: It was my freshman year in college when people got so lazy they couldn't take 15 minutes to make stove top Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and had to resort to nuking serving size helpings in less than a minute. I didn't receive this nickname until sophomore year from my future roommates Joanie and Jane after they saw a certain gentleman leaving my apartment early in the morning. (Hey... who doesn't like to make out?) I am totally fine with this nickname. Jane was the "easier" of the trio, and Joanie ended up calling her Vag. Yep, Vag. The worst nickname in the history of nicknames.

Mayor of Nap City: During a three-way chat on Instant Messenger between Aaron, Tracie and myself, I announced that I take so many afternoon siestas that I was entitled to be the Mayor of Nap City. Then we got into a heated debate about whether the phrase "Coming out the Wazoo" was referring to the butt or the vagina. (Our conversations haven't changed much in seven years.) Tracie often lovingly refers to herself as a Re-Re. Our respective cities needed to be governed and we were the people to do it. Mayor of Nap City, Mayor of Re-Re Ville, and Mayor of Wazoo meet once a year in either Washington D.C. or Columbus, OH for a convention and get a lot (of drinking) accomplished.

Boo: Another two-way nickname between myself and my other best friend from college, Britta. We were roommates during my favorite year at Miami. This was the year that "Hey Ma" by Cam'rom became popular, and we'd listen to it on repeat. There is a line in the song that says "My Boo bees real" and we'd say it to each other until we just started calling each other "Boo." When Elena, Britta and I all get together, I sometimes call them the wrong nicknames. The "Bs" make it tough, and both names roll off the tongue. But since we're all friends, they are both pretty forgiving.

E-Bird/Bird/Birdie: Given to me by my friend Justin, who I call Justano Salizar, after I "flew the coop" early one morning after a night of heavy drinking and minor debauchery. This has resulted into many bird-like references. According to Justin and others, I don't take showers, but bird baths. I don't have feet or a nose anymore, rather I have talons and a beak. I often answer to a crow-like squawk, because I've grown used to hearing it. They call my sister Megan, Baby Bird.

I'm pretty lucky on the nickname front. It could be so much worse. At least no one calls me "Vag."

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric

foreshadowing

2008-11-06T15:25:00.002-05:00

I had a post all ready to go, when I noticed my last entry was about my unlocked apartment. No, I didn't get robbed afterall, BUT there has been some disconcerting news of a serial rapist around Columbus. He has been attacking all over the city, but has done so more often on my side of town. From the reports, he apparently is the type who will come into ones home, rather than abduct while walking alone. So I have made extra sure to lock my doors as of late. I have never really been afraid of such things before, but for some reason this has shaken me up a bit.

My granmda gave me a flashlight/siren a long time ago. For some reason, it is in the trunk of my car and I accidentally set it off when I was unpacking from a weekend in Chicago. It's loud and obnoxious; basically it's the definition of a siren. Maybe I'll start carrying it around.

I talked to a woman co-worker who lives a few streets down from me; she has a brother who is a police officer. She told me that there are, on average, five serial rapists in Columbus each year. We just don't hear about it. I guess that makes sense. She said that he didn't understand why this particular creep was getting news coverage as opposed to the others. And I suppose five isn't as many as other cities, so I should just cool out. Be aware of my surrounding, but there is no reason to live in fear. That is just a waste of time.

Anyway, I don't really have a point to this post; I just thought I would start writing again and this has been on my mind for a few days. Way to come back with a wimper instead of a bang, Erin. I know I am too late for posting everyday in November, but I'll give it a shot for the rest of the month.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Bruises" by Chairlift