Slaminky Malargy

Inbox

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 17:47:00 +0000

It's time to erase my text inbox again. Here are the gems since the last time. They are getting more personal... and slightly more creepy. But hey, that's friendship!

Hmmm I don't know if "that's what she said" works there. Maybe if you just said, "wow, it's huge!" But I don't think its very common for a woman to refer to a man's package as a burrito.

I had to get out quick. I had this mega sneeze and my nose started bleeding!

Should be interesting. Don't worry bout Mexico. We all have our bullet proof vests on. And michelle is wearing a helmet with a face shield. She looks like robo cop.

I hear ya. Don't poop your pants. People tend to look down on that in the workplace. I merely pee my pants and I get weird looks, so I can only imagine...

We had so much in common. He snowboards, wakeboards, skydives, loves traveling, and worked for AT&T for like 12 years. He adopted 2 kids from Russia. Well, THAT we didn't have in common.

Last night I had a dream I had a baby and I forgot it when I was shopping. I don't think I'm gonna be a good mother.

Sorry I missed your call. I'm currently dissecting a fetal pig. Yeah, that's right.

Michelle and I are doing work at the gentleman's club in our brassieres playing billiards.

Well he is older 30s I think- the only story I remember about him is that he is loud and a shooter in bed

Yeah! He used to hang out with all the tuba players

I meant you should tell him to get in your head so he knows just to tell you you're pretty so you can go to sleep.

Yeah I find myself saying general statements like "it's science!" and that's when I know to give up.

I told him about being mayors and our glam band and going out in cbus- nothing too embarrassing.

We don't need money to celebrate girl! Laughs and friendship don't cost a thing! Wow over the top?

Take a ride on your disco stick? Family appropriate?

I know. That was my cousin. She's strange. The one that is in her 30s and wears Mickey Mouse clothes all the time.

Is your fake wedding in a church?

I was so jealous to hear there was a wedding that was full of seamen!

Just listen to Wind Beneath my Wings and the world will make sense again. You are my hero.

After the pacific and indian, Billy is my favorite Ocean.

You quoted Anchorman. If that didn't turn him on, you are better off without him.

Happy National Neil Diamond Day!

Barbara Streisand bothers me, but damn she can sing!

By the way, I love your unabashed crush on my boyfriend you've never met.

I am honored that you thought I had the ability to diagnose crabs so quickly.

I picture you saying that with crazy eyes and maybe a knife in your hand.

There are these 2 guys rapping in the break room by my desk using their blackberry ring tones for backup music.

Crap, I think I just shit my pants. I've just been holding it for awhile and I think it could have just squeezed out. We are too close. This is a very gross conversation. I'm sorry.

Thank god I was wrong. I am clean and weigh 3 pounds less. Sorry Shell station.

If I were gay, I'd marry you.

Who sings all for love? Tony, Toni, Tone?

It will be like losing your virginity all over again! That's an exciting thought.

If Anthony is the next to get married, I'm shooting myself.

Well, you have never once seen me wash my testicles either. Doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday.

Miss you too and I want those sparkle gloves! I need them. If nothing else than to practice my Lady Gaga dancing.

Just remember: ugly baby rarely misses a chance to judge next time you make a questionable decision.

If you are still with jess, will you take a pic of her butt with her phone and send it to me?

He'll be here if you are... and yes I will be hiding around every corner and sleeping under your bed!

Since when are they fancy? Oh yeah, since they moved into the adam's family mansion. It's actually good because Anthony can grow old in the west wing and cry into their 180 dollar gravy boat.

That bitch Britney has nothing on you!

Not to be confused with Clifford the big red dog.

You would be proud. I just honked and flipped a lady off.

Why do my farts smell like burger king french fries?

I LOVE slutty clothes. I like to give out that vibe. I want guys to know exactly what they're gonna get before they get it. Oh and they'll get it.

Sleep the shit out of your bed

SAD PANDA! What are you doing?

Yeah there's nothing straight about that. It's like the guy I sat next to on the plane that I thought was flirting with me until he told me my shoes were "cute." No straight guy says that.

No hookers. Talk to you later.

Obviously that was a drunk text the other night, but I miss you too.

And he was blind? You are a better person than me. My guy was supposedly 28 but looked 17 and was a trust fund kid. And I was really happy about that. You fell in love with a blind man that showed you around the world. You win. My guy wasn't hot until I found out he was rich! He was a part of the wealthiest family in southern california. His house was sick. It was like it's own island. God, I'm shallow.

We ended up in this serious coke party in a penthouse suite in the wynn last night. Yikes. Did you make out last night?

Are you floating on clouds of love today?

Mike just got here. My place is a mess. He's changing in my room and I have an edward cullen poster up! So embarrassing!

Ah that's cute! I feel this story developing... Get that ahole friend of his address so I can send him anonymous threats.

The bubonic plague is in china. Soon in Biff's compost heap.

I've said a lot of creepy things. I do not know which one you're referring to.

Tits tits tits

Damnit! Just pissed my pants while standing in the bathroom stall. Who does that? Oh yes, 80 year olds.

Oh nice. How'd you find out? I think you are destined to be with an old, short guy. Just embrace it.

I'm in love with a richard gere look-a-like that works at trader joes.

I would transplant my blood to you if it came down to it. Just know that.

If anyone ever asks me what the longest orgasm I've ever had is, I will tell them as long as it took me to finish that sandwich. It is gone and now I'm sad.

You owe me a pet monkey only.

In the midwest, it's fun to go mullet hunting. In san diego man tramp stamp hunting is a saturday favorite.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Re: Stacks" by Bon Iver

It's his year of technology

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 16:56:00 +0000

I was feeling pretty down yesterday, as I got some news that a childhood friend of mine passed away on Saturday night. Knowing this, my dad sent me this text yesterday.

"A poem

life is a gift
erin is a gift
erin is life"

Not only was it one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, my dad actually took the time to text it to me. This is the man who I will text a question or a funny comment to, and his response is always, "I love you too." This is because it's already saved in his phone from the one time I texted him with, "I love you" and he responded.

When I marveled at the fact that he actually typed this all out, he said, "It took five minutes for the poem, thirty for the text."

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Skateaway" by Dire Straits

Cranky McGrump

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:23:00 +0000

The sky is seriously more blue than I have ever seen it. The sun is shining, it's a perfect temperature with a slight breeze. I'm employed. I've got many great friends who I laugh with until my belly hurts and my eyes water. I'm hosting a kick ass party this weekend that will hopefully end in a 4 am sing along to Frankie Valli's greatest hits.

But for the past three days I've been: sour, sarcastic, cranky, grumpy, bitchy, irritated and at one point smug for being all of those previous adjectives. I've also come down with a case of Attention Deficit Disorder. Hence why I'm writing a blog post at 2:30 in the afternoon.

What the fuck is up? No idea.

Maybe I'm bitter because the 4th of July weekend, although quite fun and booze filled, provided no nice weather, and once I stepped into the office, the sun came out and begged me to play hooky. I wanted to go canoeing so badly today, that I would have made a deal with my sister to take the trash out for a year. That's a big fucking deal, people. Seriously, trash is stinky and it makes me gag.

I know that I haven't posted anything about my trip to Mexico. Not that it wasn't an exciting and fun vacation, but I don't really have any crazy stories to tell. We went for rest and relaxation and we got it. We went snorkeling and had some wonderful meals, and many bottles of Sol. We met some nice people, and got a lot of sun. It was perfect.

Here is the only awkward story that I can think of to tell:

We walked into a bar that was hosting a party for "Grad Week," which meant that the entire bar was populated with 18-year-olds, freshly graduated from HIGH SCHOOL. Now, I'm not saying that I'm old. I'm 27. I've always said, "Age is nothing but a number." Although in retrospect, that was usually to justify having a crush on a guy who was probably too old for me. But, drinking in that bar, with all these kids (yes, kids) I felt as if Chris Hansen was going to jump out wearing his turtle neck and blazer and tell me that I was being taped for his show "How to Catch a Predator." It's not like I was on the prowl for some vacation sex, but I didn't mind if I did a little flirting, and I just couldn't wrap my mind around chatting, let alone batting my eyes at anyone in there. (I don't know how to flirt.) Sure, they're 18, which means they're legal. But I used to babysit kids that are now older than that. Creepy. How do men do it? I mean, sure after you reach a certain point in adulthood, a 10 year age difference isn't a big deal. But, I have a hunch there are a good amount of guys who are my age that would have taken the opportunity to hook up with a just legal co-ed. I'm not judging, because I love me some older dudes, but I just can't see myself going the other way.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Won't Want for Love (Margaret in the Taiga)" by The Decemberists

All-Star

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:27:00 +0000

This summer I thought I needed to play on a slow pitch, recreational softball team. I hadn't received any invitations from any other teams, so I decided to start my own. After making myself crazy trying to align teammates schedules and leagues, we landed on the semi-competitive league on Thursday nights.

I grew up playing fast pitch softball. I started with t-ball at 5-years-old, and moved to coach pitch, and then finally fast pitch at 8-years-old. I was a decent player and played through high school. I broke my leg playing indoor softball during the first inning, and finished the game, drove myself home, and took myself to the hospital. I was something of a badass.

Then came college and beer. And then came post-college and cocktails. Now I'm a 27-year-old ex athlete who still plays like she's in prime condition. I have yet to have a game this summer where I have not fallen down or gotten hurt.

Last night, we had a storm roll through during the 3rd inning of our game. We took a 15 minute break, and then came back out onto the field. I'm batting clean-up, and I hit a line drive into right field. I get on base, no problem. Joe is a lefty who bats behind me. He knocks one into left center and it gets through the gap. A faster runner would have made it home to score, but I am slow and know that if I hustle, I will be safe at third. So, I get "on my horse" and start trucking it to second, and as I make the turn to third, I slip in the rubber base and go down flat on my face. The ball is still live, so I turn on my knee and do a sad crawl back to second and extend my arm to the bag and lay there in all my glory. I hear a roar of laughter, and know that this couldn't have looked pretty.

Our team, Scared Hitless, has yet to win a game this season. We've had our fair share of good games, but mostly we've been run ruled. If you'd like to see me possibly break a limb next week during our double header, everyone is welcome to come and laugh at me and maybe shoot some footage to win yourself a little money on America's Funniest Home Videos, or whatever the show is called.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "PYT" by Michael Jackson

27

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:23:00 +0000

So where did May go? I could have sworn that I had recently posted to this bad boy, but alas it's been since April 21st. Not much has changed in my life since then, except that my liver has more damage from a few weekend benders. But that really isn't so much out of the ordinary.

Today is my 27th birthday. I got my teeth cleaned this morning. I know how to have a good time. There was much celebrating this past weekend, and there is part of me that wonders if I'll ever be able to take shots again.

If you had asked me when I was 18, where I'd be in my life at 27, I would have told you married with a kid on the way. I can't tell you how happy I am that 18-year-old me was so wrong. I'm looking forward to spending my 27th year traveling, experiencing new music and cuisine, meeting new people, and maybe even falling in love. I have a feeling 27 is going to be good to me.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Sleepless" by The Decemberists

A lot of my friends text me about poop.

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:50:00 +0000

My text inbox is full again. Here are the gems:

I went to church to was away my sins. I don't think it worked.

What does Brian Fantana name his balls?

Portly island intern

Well I really didn't see my work friend. I was in the bathroom "doing work"

If I didn't love you, I would have seriously killed u with a chain saw

With a lasso and a sword

Well we just got back from breakfast and he is shitting in Jess's bathroom, so who knows?

Your interpretive dancing was hot, that's how! Bigger! Flashier!

We will dominate that menu.

How's ur day? I'm off. Endured a wonderful pap smear she was the one doing work this time. Ewwwww that was uncalled for.

Detoxed. I don't know.

You had me at "let's be best friends"

Yes silly. Don't take me for a fool. Show me the money!

I'm about to put gasoline in my chain saw while doing some serious work... if you know what I mean

You know we will bon qui qui. Love you long time.

Disappointed with the corndog.

I would never risk chopping off that masterpiece

Okay I know I never play it cool. How do u expect someone to act like u don't like him when all u want to do is have his little lumberjack babies?

K. I'm ready to play now. In my brassiere.

Well, better Kate Hudson than some tramp.

Gross. I just emptied a can of soda to use as a bowl. Small world? I'm trying to embrace so cal and become a proper pot head.

I don't even know how to respond to that. You know you can opt not to have a crush right?

There are cowboys here.

Ha ha snacks are good birthday

What do you mean by balls?

You really did growl! It made me laugh. I just took a huge dump! It was bad. I sprayed, I hope it still doesn't smell.

Absolutely. But I want to be an elephant not a clown.

I like to occasionally make eye contact. Like saying yeah I know you just pooped.

So the j crew employee just asked if she could start me a fitting room and I said sure. And she asked me name and then she told me hers and I go "nice to meet you!" really excited. I don't think that was the appropriate response.

Unanimous answer is girl with a strap on. How is your day going?

Don't let me see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!

I guess the road to stardom is paved with broken dreams and orange assholes...

Oh I saw the pic. That guy was super creepy. he picked me up and carried me across the dance floor right when we got there. I don't know why.

I love your ball!

Yeah. Cuz he was a bad boy. He had tattoos. Society had no hold on him.

Books is going 2 a "90s Love concert" featuring dru hill and silk. If that weren't enough, my immediate response was, "IS SYSQO GOING 2 B THERE?"

Uh! No more door beating. my slutty phase is wrapping up.

Put me in a gray shirt for five seconds and I will be pitting out! What is with that?

Being around these babies at the hospital strangely makes me want one. I must be going insane.

Bring a Mexican wrestling mask. That way if nothing else pans out, you can hook up with the dude in my picture

What is wrong with you?! Stop sweating you stupid bitch!

Are sketchers uncool?

I had that yesterday. I brought a whole 2 taco meal into the theater by myself. I looked like a fat loser. Everyone has their popcorn and candy and I pull out a full tray of tacos and beans from my purse. Yes I was hiding it there.

You walk like an old old wooden ship.

I was just in a meeting with my boss and the guy Brent that I started with. Brent said, "man, that's beefy" referring to a presentation binder and I almost blurted out "that's what she said." Prob better that I didn't on my first week.

No I was embarrassed to admit I know you

Yeah. Did you read the bible or imdb?

Eww gross. This guy sounds ridiculous. Can I date him?

I will CUT you

He does own a mullet wig.

It was hot. Extremely passionate. The kind from the movies. And even with a condom. It was a good mix of sweet and gentle and passionate and steamy. Descriptive enough for you?

I am gassy mcghee

Good that u finally started and congrats on getting molested. Sounds like a good day!

Blaaaaah.... now is that the sound of me getting sick on rice and beans or you losing your mind over softball leagues?

Rice and beans plus coffee equals bad news bears.

Groin cramp!

A student told me i felt "gooshy" i need to start working out

Holy shit. The coke heads that live below me got their apartment busted in by about 10 DEA agents this morning and I believe are in jail now.

Jane: I am giving up sex for lent. Me: You are giving up a sin for lent

I decided when I am saying goodbye to you i am going to say rub a dub dub

Also, I think i am having the least satisfying poop of my life.

Carlton just said hijinx on fresh prince.

What did you have for dinner? Cocaine?

"The average person releases about a liter of gas every day (about 14 expulsions)" - Elena's biology book

P.S. My pee problem is back with serious vengence. I almost peed myself 3 times today and one was while I was talking to my boss. Awesome.

I want to hug you & play your cleavage like drums!

Why would you want to get away from Hall and oats?

Sorry. I was proud of myself this morning for flushing the toilet.

There are so many squirrels out front the house i bet if i had some peanuts i could grab one

When you get here the stinky smell is not me today.

I am demolishing a foot long.

Shirt open to the belly button, Jack?

That boob is bigger than that one

Not you too! Will you still love it if its a toilet baby?

Jess is giving me shit cause I told her I went off birth control and she keeps pointing at me and yelling "preggers!" A toilet baby is from the TLC show about women who had their babies in the toilet cause they didn't know they were pregnant.

Good you just enjected more shark juice into my scrot

Anal escort

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Come Pick Me Up" by Ryan Adams

Play that Funky Music

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:12:00 +0000

I fancy myself pretty in tune with a lot of different music genres. (Oh how punny am I?) But I feel like I'm late to the party with a lot of bands. Like, Neutral Milk Hotel. They disbanded before the turn of the century, and I just discovered them a year or two ago. It's not that I was busy listening to top 40 radio, it's that I'll get really into a new band and kind of immerse myself in them, and then when I come up for air, I've missed other amazing bands. It's hard to keep up. There is a lot of amazing music out there. And with the all the technology, more people are making music and getting it out there than ever before.

I grew up listening to classic standards like The Beach Boys and The Beatles. My parents were music lovers, so there was always something good coming out of the stereo. My favorite band was The Beach Boys. They were my first concert, and my parents actually met Mike Love and Al Jardine when they went to take a smoke outside before the concert started. I was so jealous. They got their autographs, and I really hope that I still have it somewhere.

In the 2nd grade, if we passed our spelling test on the first try, we were allowed free time while the kids who didn't pass had to retake the test. Being a smart cookie, I passed and raced to the tape player with my Catch a Wave cassette in hand. Clunky, blue headphones on, I started jamming to "Fun, Fun, Fun" and was really getting into it, when I was tapped on the shoulder by my teacher Mrs. Heck. Apparently, I had been singing aloud, and was disturbing the rest of the class as they tried to spell words like "autumn" and "bicycle." Morons. The whole class laughed at me, and my face went a bright crimson, but I didn't abandon my love of Carl Wilson's lovely falsetto on "God Only Knows" or Brian's knack for writing a perfect pop song. I'm not going to lie, I got really into NKOTB, Tiffany and Milli Vanilli during that same time. But affairs come and go, true love lasts forever.

In high school, I opted for rock bands like The Rolling Stones, The Doors, The Who, and Led Zeppelin. I also got really into Jimmy Buffett and Dave Matthews Band. I'm going to stand by my love of Jimmy Buffett, because he has some pretty great songs if you get past the dreck that is "Cheeseburger in Paradise" and "Margaritaville." Take a listen to "Biloxi" and "In the Shelter." Both are on the Changes in Latitudes album, and both are close to my heart. Listening to Jimmy Buffett reminds me of family road trips to Florida in our big Chevy Beauville van, that we called "Old Blue." Dad had a standard mixed tape that he'd pop in for the 18 hour ride, and it included a lot of Jimmy Buffett, The Beach Boys and The Byrds. It makes me smile just thinking about it. I'm headed down to Florida myself on Saturday, might have to pay a little tribute.

In college, the birth of Napster, Scour, and Kazaa and befriending different friends with different music tastes broadened my horizons. Now, I subscribe to emusic.com, which allows me to download 50 songs a month for around $12. There, I've been introduced to Bon Iver, Magnetic Fields, Ryan Adams, Blonde Redhead, Of Montreal, Old Crow Medicine Show, and one of my new favorites: The Decemberists. But I still feel like I'm missing out.

Is there anything anyone thinks I should be listening to? My loves range from Talking Heads to George Michael, back to Ben Folds to Willie Nelson to Heart. I'll take a listen to just about anything, and I'll probably end up liking it. What do you have for me, Internet?

Now playing: "Knights of Cydonia" by Muse

April Fools

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 15:31:00 +0000

In the spirit of April Fools Day, I'm going to be upfront about how I'm a sucker.

I was thinking about telling you about how I purchased a $200 tire for my car yesterday, but it's still a little fresh, and my cheeks are still tear stained. It especially hurts when your father is disappointed and tells you that you "were taken" and that "they saw you coming from a mile away." Insult to injury in it's truest form.

Do you know any 26 year old that has a time share? You do now! I'm taking my first time share vacation on April 11th to Daytona Beach, Florida. It's not so much of a time share, as a "vacation plan." Regardless, I'm still paying for it every month, and I feel like an idiot.

I used to be pretty clever with practical jokes. I would call my Grandma and joke with her that I was pregnant, and one time I convinced my mom that my sister, who was around 12 at the time, was hiding Playboys in her bedroom. That one backfired a little, because Mom started yelling at Megs, and made her cry. Sorry, Meggie Applehead.

But somewhere in my twenties, I lost my edge. I believe almost anything. I just know I'll be one of those old ladies on the news that gets scammed out of her retirement money. It's only a matter of time.

So if anyone is selling a bridge anywhere, or a nice piece of swamp land, you might want to try and sell to me. I'll probably take you up on it.

Now Playing: Plans by Band of Horses

"Who watches the Watchmen?"

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:15:00 +0000

OK. I finally finished Watchmen. And yes, as you've probably heard elsewhere, far more eloquently, it was good. It was recommended to me by a friend of a friend a few months ago, so I thought I would read it before seeing it in the theater. Although enjoyable, it didn't catch me off guard by punching me square in the chest, leaving me gasping for breath. Zak told me it would blow my mind. Did it surprise me? Sorta. But rock my world off its axis? Not so much.

But you know what? I'm jazzed that a piece of fiction did that for him. I know there are books out there that have changed me and I've repeatedly recommended them. I wanted my friends to have the same reaction as I did. Which was "HOLY SHIT! HOW DID I LIVE MY LIFE BEFORE READING THIS?!" It's kind of disappointing when they weren't crapping their pants with excitement. Hence, why I'm not going to tell Zak that I merely enjoyed Watchmen.

(For those of you who worry that I'm going to spoil the ending, don't worry. I'm not.)

There were some MAJOR themes in this graphic novel, but there were so many small, trivial questions that I wanted answers to. I simply cannot get over these stupid facts that were just glossed over. Like, why did Rorschach smell? Did he not shower? His stench was commented upon like, 10 times. 10 times! With no explanation! Come on!

Also, why is Dr. Manhattan always naked? He starts out with a full body suit, then cuts down to a wrestling singlet, then to some bikini briefs, then he just goes full out streaker. Except he doesn't run. He calmly walks about. Naked. And they show his giblets. I'm not gonna lie, for being the most powerful "man" on Earth, he doesn't look so "powerful" below the belt. Must be a grower, not a shower. I'm not ashamed of looking. You would have too.

Why is Nixon president? It's set it in 1985. It doesn't make any sense. I have no witty commentary for that part. It just annoyed me.

For any help or theories you might have on these topics, I'd appreciate it.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Maneater" by Hall & Oates

"Which one of us has the PhD?"

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:25:00 +0000

I watched Role Models this weekend after months of waiting for it to come out on DVD. For some reason, my sister only wants to see movies in the theater that warrant Academy Awards. But for a gut busting comedy, she makes me wait until I can order it on Netflix. Oh, she'll also go see Watchmen because of the special effects and superhero hoopla. I know I can go to the movies by myself. I'm definitely not above it. But there nothing sadder than to quote a movie that no one saw with you. So I waited.

It was hilarious. Jane Lynch is awesome, as always. If you want me to laugh at your movie, you should go ahead and cast her. She's brilliant.

Side note: Can I please get some of the elixir that Paul Rudd seems to have injected? Because that guy has not aged since he was in Clueless. It's not fair.

I got this text from Megan today:

(while watching Romeo + Juliet) This movie is 13 years old and Paul Rudd looks exactly the same.

(This post is full of links, isn't it? Not done yet!)

Anyway. It's not surprising that I like Role Models. I can reenact Superbad. I watch Anchorman every night before going to sleep. I own Wedding Crashers, Dodgeball, Old School, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Knocked Up and watch them all on a regular basis.

I was telling my dad yesterday how it's funny that I really enjoy well made films, and completely respect great actors and well written stories and plots. But if I'm going to re-watch a movie, my guess it's going to have a scene where Will Ferrell has his shirt off. I don't know what this says about me.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Hello It's Me" by Todd Rundgren

Otis! My main man!

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:20:00 +0000

I want this so badly that I'm about to chuck my usual logic of not paying over $20 for a t-shirt right out the window. I mean, it's OTIS. On a shirt. Singing is goddamn heart out. I only wish his image was bigger, but considering I haven't seen any other Otis Redding t-shirts on the market, I'll take what I can get. (Mind you, I haven't been actively looking for Otis t-shirts, I just came upon this site. But you know what I mean.) If you find a better one, leave me a comment.

Otis Redding is one of my all-time favorite singers. His voice was not as smooth as Sam Cooke, but man, no one put more energy or emotion in their singing than Otis did. He wrote "Respect," and it made Aretha Franklin a household name, but I like his version much better. It's a shame that he passed before he could bask in "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" becoming a hit. I'm seriously feeling some feelings for Otis right now.

I also want the David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Neil Young shirts and about 15 others. You know, if you want to buy me a present or something.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Respect" by Otis Redding

Habitual Hungover Road Trip Conversation with Patrick

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:31:00 +0000

While driving from Cleveland to Columbus

Me: You're a scientist. When are you going to invent transporting?

Patrick: What?

Me: I'm tired and hungover and I just want to be home and in bed. I just want to be transported home like *that* (snaps fingers)

Patrick: Transporting has already been invented. We're doing it right now.l It's when you move things from one place to another. It's been "invented" since the beginning of man.

Me: (Disgusted sigh) You know what I mean. Like, in Star Trek. Pressing a button and being TRANSPORTED at the speed of light to wherever you want to go.

Patrick: I think you mean teleporting.

Me: YES! Whatever it's called. So, when are you gonna get on that?

Patrick. (Shakes head and sighs. Proceeds to sleep in passenger seat for the remaining ride home.)

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Don't Want to Get Over You" by The Magnetic Fields

Things I want to do this weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:59:00 +0000

- Read all the back issues of Rolling Stone that I have neglected over the past few months. Don't worry Sean Penn, I'm definitely going to read that profile on you.

- Watch both RocknRolla and Hamlet 2 that I have from Netflix. I've had RocknRolla for about a month now, and it's annoying me that I'm not utilizing Netflix cost efficiently.

- Finish Me Talk Pretty One Day because I'm only 9 years behind everyone else in reading David Sedaris books. (Only 2 more to go.)

- Sleep in until I wake up naturally, without an alarm on both Saturday and Sunday.

- Go to the gym both days for really intense, tiring workouts that make me feel like I've actually physically accomplished something.

- Do my taxes in order to get that refund back with a quickness. Gotta save for about a billion hotel stays this summer.

- Soak my feet like a 90-year-old and give myself a pedicure.

(Look at me posting twice in one day.)

P.S. It's not sunny anymore. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now Playing: "Secondhand News" by Fleetwood Mac

"What's with today, today?"

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:09:00 +0000

Why, it's Rex Manning day!

I'm sitting at the office right now reading archives of Danielle's blog and I should be working on checking math questions for a worksheet test, but even 5th grade math is eluding me right now. What's up with you, brain? I'm in this hazy funk today, which is super weird because I have a lot of things to smile about today.

It's actually sunny today! In Ohio! In March! And the temperature is 67 degrees and is creeping into the 70s this weekend! Exclamation points!!! It calls for rolling down the windows and the blasting of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" which does not have the same affect in the cold, depressing winter months, let me tell you. But, Ohio weather is a cruel temptress, and although I'm happy to bust out some sunglasses and shed the heavy coat, I'm bracing myself for snow flurries and some freezing rain. I have seen entirely too many Ohio "springs" to think that this warm weather will be a constant through the next month or two. Yes, my name is Debbie Downer. Nice to meet you. Is that where my funk is coming from? Maybe. Doesn't feel like it though.

I also get to spend the weekend at my parents' house helping my mom rehab her knee replacement that she had on Tuesday. This might sound like a chore to some, but to be around my family and joke and laugh with them beats anything else I could have possibly done this weekend. Mom is a tough cookie, and she isn't allowing for much assistance, which is a positive in her recovery, but doesn't give me much to help her with. Basically, I'll be there to make sure she isn't victim of those tragic "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercials. So she and I will probably sit around and read, and watch movies and maybe play some cards. Then Dad will come home from work, and we'll eat food and make fun of each other and laugh and make fun of each other some more. Maybe Megan will be there too.

Well, there's no way that's where the funk is coming. What else?

- I got my eyebrows waxed last night, and look like a female human instead of a yeti. All positive there.

- I shaved my legs this morning to continue the path of feeling like a lady. Thumbs up.

- It's Friday and I don't have to see my co-workers for two whole days. God bless.

- I'm wearing a black shirt with navy blue socks and Birkenstocks. I don't match. It's trivial, but I can't think of anything else so....

That must be it.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now playing: "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison

I'm always just one step behind the rest

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:25:00 +0000

As you know, I've started to use Twitter. I like that I can "micro-blog" about stupid shit that runs through my strange, strange brain without writing an entire blog post about it.

But there are still about a million things I don't understand. Like, what is number sign (#) with words following it? What does RT mean? How come I only have 12 followers? Can I tell if anyone has "starred" my "tweets?" Can they tell I've starred theirs?

It took me about a month to figure out OH: meant "Overheard." And discovering that made me feel like a goddamn genius. It's like the time in high school when my family first got AOL, and I began my world of online chatting. Someone used the abbreviation "LOL" and I immediately sprung into awkward 15-year-old defense mode and thought retaliated with "FUCK YOU!" because I thought they were calling me a "Loser On Line." Drink me in. I always go down smooth.

Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now Playing: "He's So Shy" by The Pointer Sisters

Fact: I'm better than you

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:12:00 +0000

I bought tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar as a Christmas gift for my sister this year. Megan has loved this musical since she was in middle school and VH1 ran muliple showings of the movie enough times to hook her. She claims that JCS is in her Top Three favorite musicals.

I had never seen the movie nor heard the score, but I like Andrew Lloyd Webber well enough, and I trust Megan's taste. When other people compare themselves to their siblings by using the simile, "We're like night and day!" I often say that Megan and I are like, "night and later that night." We enjoy most of the same music, movies, and activities. Essentially, she has great taste. So when she invited me to accompany her, I accepted.

We've seen Rent, Phantom of the Opera, Avenue Q, and Sweeney Todd together, and I got the chance to see A Chorus Line and Wicked on Broadway. Monday night's performance of Jesus Christ Superstar was just decent for me. This is where Megan and my tastes diverge, because this is probably my least favorite musical I've seen. I think part of this had to do with my limited knowledge of the bible. My parents blame themselves, but I'm really OK with my naivety of such things. Musically, Judas was exceptional, and Caiaphas's range was like none I had ever heard before. My jaw literally dropped when I heard him go from a low bass note to a mid-range tenor note. Although very impressive, I didn't leave with an infectious tune in my head that I could hum for the next few days. But that's not really what this post is about. I'm going to go ahead and rant a little bit here if you don't mind.

We go to the theatre enough to know that you should dress in nicer clothes to see a play, musical, ballet, or opera. I can't tell you how many people show up wearing jeans and t-shirts. When I see you people, I probably give you a dirty look and then smugly smile knowing that I'm better than you. On Monday, we saw tons of people casually dressed like they were going to see a demolition derby. If the ushers are dressed in tuxedos, maybe take the hint and at least put on a pair of goddamn khakis and a collared shirt. We actually saw one guy in Adidas tearaway pants, a hooded sweatshirt and a snow hat. I know I sound like a snob, but I don't care. If you can afford theatre tickets in this shit economy, you can afford not to look like you just got back from the gym.

I guess it just makes me nostalgic for the days where going out was a big deal and you got dressed up for a "night on the town." Those traditions have basically gone out of style, but I'm still holding onto them at the theatre.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"Think of Me" by Andrew Lloyd Webber

I would have forgotten...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 17:17:00 +0000

I was reminded that I said I would post a list of the movies I quoted last week. I got a few correct guesses via comments, texts, and forcing my sister to sit down and read my damn blog already.

And since I'm still high off of winning movie passes in an Oscar prediction contest, I am in the movie spirit! It's the little things in life, people.

1. The Last of the Mohicans, said by Magua played by Wes Studi.

2. Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny Castle played by Patrick Swayze.

3. The Departed, said by Frank Costello played by Jack Nicholson.

4. Almost Famous, said by Lester Bangs played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman

5. Ancorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy, said by Champ Kind played by David Koechner.

6. Meatballs, said by Tripper Harrison played by Bill Murray.

7. Stranger Than Fiction, said by Harold Crick played by Will Ferrell.

8. Field of Dreams, said by "Shoeless" Joe Jackson played by Ray Liotta.

9. Superbad, said by Seth played by Jonah Hill.

10. Love Actually, said by Harry played by Alan Rickman.

11. Super Troopers, said by Foster played by Paul Soter.

12. Snatch, said by Avi played by Dennis Farina.

13. Fight Club, said by Tyler Durden played by Brad Pitt.

14. The Notebook, said by Noah played by James Garner.

15. Old School, said by Mitch Martin played by Luke Wilson.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Knowing Me, Knowing You" by ABBA

The Oscars

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:27:00 +0000

I love award shows, therefore I love the Oscars. Since I arrive into work this morning, I've been reading different opinions on last night's show on msn, yahoo, various blogs, etc. (I don't have much work to do right now.)

So I thought I'd give a few opinions/musings myself:

- Overall, I think Hugh Jackman did a great job of hosting. In the pre-Oscar interview with Barbara Walters, he said that he wanted make the Academy Awards "more show and less biz." I think he pulled it off. Some people will say that he took the Oscars, and made them like the Tony Awards, but I just worked with what he's got. Which is, in my opinion, a lot of talent. It's nice to see that People's Sexiest Man of 2008 is a triple threat.

- Saying that, I think they could have done without the middle number with Beyonce. Don't get me wrong, I like Beyonce. But what's with her lip syncing? That was disappointing, and kind of embarrassing for her. I mean, the one thing she became famous for is singing, and Hugh totally shows her up by performing live.

- I correctly predicted all the big winners! Hopefully, this will grant me the movie passes from the contest I entered at my local library. (Yes, I'm a nerd.) For some reason, I knew they wouldn't give Best Actor to Mickey Rourke. They probably see him as a liability, and went with the "safer" Sean Penn.

- Speaking of Sean Penn, I was really disappointed that he didn't thank his wife. I know that sometimes you get caught up in the moment, but she was sitting RIGHT THERE in in line of sight. It's hard to forget someone when they give you a big kiss upon hearing your name called.

- Jessica Biel's dress was, by far, the ugliest of the night. It looked like stayed in bed with Justin Timberlake until the last final minute and wrapped herself in the post-coital sheets to head down the red carpet.

- Was Ralph Fiennes in every movie made this year? Seriously, that guy was in The Reader, In Bruges, The Duchess and The Hurt Locker. Three out of four were nominated in some category or another. Well done on being a part of some critically acclaimed movies, Ralph. He was also in Bernard and Doris, which came out in 2007, but was recognized in the recent Golden Globes.

- Yes, Sophia Loren's dress was slightly crazy. But as my sister reminded me, "She is an old Italian woman. That is what they wear." Also, she is 74. 74! And she still looks pretty good.

- Could Merryl Streep be anymore humble or elegant? No, it would impossible.

- Why didn't Bruce Springsteen get nominated for Best Song for The Wrestler? Also, does anyone know why John Legend sang the Wall-E song instead of Peter Gabriel?

- I think it was a classy touch to have past winners present and address the nominees. I thought Shirley MacLaine's speech to Anne Hathaway was especially cute when she told her to "keep singing." Reminded me of my grandma.

- I swear I thought I saw Jennifer Aniston wink/nod to Brad Pitt while she was presenting for best animated movie. Maybe I imagine it, but it's because after all the drama, I want them to be friends.

- Tim Gunn is a perfect and rather delightful red carpet interviewer. Everyone else can seriously fuck off.

- Danny Boyle was genuinely proud and happy for all the awards his movie, Slumdog Millionaire, received. He seemed to be really enjoying himself, and appreciate the success of the film. Take a hint, other directors.

Anyway, it looks like I have some work to do now. Which is fine, because I was pretty much done anyway.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond

All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close-up

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:06:00 +0000

I got this "meme" off of Byrneunit and since I have some time to kill, I thought I do it. Here is the premise:

Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
Post them for everyone to guess.
NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

If you want to guess the movies, you are more than welcome to comment. I can give the answers in a separate post in a few days, if anyone cares.

1. "When the Grey Hair is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will put his children under the knife, so the Grey Hair will know his seed is wiped out forever."

2. "You don't understand the way it is, I mean for somebody like me. Last month, I'm-I-I'm eating Jujubes to keep alive, this month women are stuffing diamonds in my pockets. I'm bouncing on shit and quick as that I could be down there again."

3. "When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

4. "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."

5. "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together."

6. "But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends."

7. "No, no. It's not schizophrenia. It's just a voice in my head. I mean, the voice isn't telling me to do anything. It's telling me what I've already done... accurately, and with a better vocabulary."

8. "Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven."

9. "Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube."

10. "Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies."

11. "Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?"

12. "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."

13. "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

14. "That's my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that's where my home is."

15. "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Round and Round" by Ratt

"Happy VD"

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:28:00 +0000

VD = Valentine's Day, not venerial disease as I thought when my sister relayed a text she received this past Saturday night. Also, VD is so 1970s. We're all about calling them STDs, or STIs, by now right?

Anyway, my VD was mostly spent in the fetal position, because I had a crippling hangover. I guess many, many vodka and sodas on an empty stomach isn't the path to a productive Saturday morning, but then again it seems to go along with another Valentine's Day I've chronicled on this blog.

Side note: I don't know why, but I often challenge people to a dance-off when I reach a certain level of intoxication. Also, after said challenge, I may or may not have assumed a good-looking barback was gay and told him I had many cute gay friends I could set him up with. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he's straight. It's almost like I'm TRYING not to be asked out on dates.

Anyway, back to my Valentine's Day:

I chose an old-timey hangover remedy used faithfully by millions since the civil war era: McDonalds HI-C Orange Drink. This steadfast and proven cure is the only thing that will keep you from death. I'm sure of it.

After a nap and a viewing of "Singin' in the Rain," I was back on my feet and ready for a night on the town: dinner at a nice restaurant, and a home viewing of "Pride and Glory." That particular movie was chosen as Edward Norton is my sister Megan's, #1 dream man, and Colin Farrell is mine. But, it didn't leave me with amourous feelings toward Colin as the movie was pretty fucked up at parts. Good, but fucked up. Pretty much like my love life.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Carrie-Ann" by The Hollies

Shocker

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:10:00 +0000

(While watching Private Practice with my sister Megan)

Me: Aww. I like him. I wish we had a pediatrician like that when we were growing up.

Megan: Then your love of older men would have started even earlier than it did. *giggles*

Me: Nah. I wouldn't have had a crush on him, because he would have had to stick his finger up my ass... and I didn't get into that until I was older.

(Look of complete horror overcomes Megan's face)

Me: *laughs* I'm totally kidding. I just wanted to see what you'd do.

Megan: That's just WRONG! I'm still horrified.

Me: That was my intention.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra

In the year 2000...

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:21:00 +0000

I was going through some old diaries last night in search of something to submit to a book called Cringe. The book is a compilation of people's old journal entries, poems, songs, and letters. There is a monthly live reading in Brooklyn of these lost feelings, and I've really wanted to attend, but haven't been able to make it. My friend Tracie actually had two entries accepted from her "Journal of Rage and Hatred," and reads occasionally since she now lives in NYC. Since she's one of the funniest people I know, her contributions were a favorite of mine.

I kept a sporadic diary from elementary through college. I still pen the occasional entry if I'm in the need of some journal therapy. But going back to my senior year of high school was... wow. I can't even come up with a word to describe my deluded self-confidence. Especially reading lines such as, "I wore my tight black shirt and gray skirt today. A lot of the guys told me I looked sexy. What can I say?" Who is this girl? I also talk about "getting a piece" which is about the most fratastic thing to hear from a 17 year old virgin. Sure, like most sappy girls I go on to "feel some feelings" and use trite and hideously teenage words and phrases like, "soul," and "heartbroken," and "I just want to love, and be loved in return."

Speaking of that "love," I don't think I made it through one entry without talking about boys and my subsequent crushes on them. And, I know that's what most girls talk about in their diaries, but I was a little surprised how I much I wanted to spread my love around to several boys at once. There was one boy who I was "crushing on" who had to be rushed to the hospital for having too much oxygen around his heart. Scary, right? Well, oh-so-considerate teenage Erin told him, "You shouldn't be thinking about me so much, your heart is getting too excited." Seriously? Again, who is this girl and who taught her to talk like that?

My love of older men was also revealed and cultivated in those lined notebook pages. I read about how I pursued an Old Navy co-worker who was 21, and an art student friend who was 22 and couldn't understand why they didn't want to date me. Sure, if I were to now date a man with that age difference, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, what sort of creepster is going to date a 17-year-old in high school when they can legally drink in bars? I would 100% judge them now if they had taken me up on my offer.

I'm having a hard time picking something out to read that my parents won't be ashamed of. I may start with something a little more innocent from middle school where I apparently asked four boys to be my boyfriend in the matter of a three days. No. Not desperate at all.

What's even more sad is that even though I haven't gone back to read my college journals, I'm not sure they're going to be that much more mature. My bet is that the only difference is that I talk about sex. Or lack thereof.

I'll let you know if my submission gets accepted, and then you can go buy the book and read about boy-crazy 13-year-old Erin.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "The Greatest" by Cat Power

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 20:52:00 +0000

Just like John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher, I'm on Twitter. (Does that mean I'm a douche bag too?) Or am I twittering? I don't really know the lingo yet.

Unlike here, I do update that everyday. Some days I update twice! How about that?

So if you'd like to follow that, my twitter name is EbirdMc. It's a toss up if I'm more interesting here or there. Considering three people read this thing, and I have six followers on Twitter, I'd say I'm pretty unpopular all over this Internet. Man, it sounds like I'm crying "feel sorry for me" tears all over my keyboard doesn't it?

Now Playing: "New Virginia Creeper" by Old Crow Medicine Show

Inauguration Day

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 16:13:00 +0000

I know that I can't do a better job of explaining what today means for our country than most writers out there. But, I can explain what today means to me.

This election brought out a lot of emotions from me. I never had before voted FOR someone to be our president. Usually, I was a "lesser of two evils" voter, and afterward it just made me feel dirty. I was genuinely inspired by Barack Obama, and I think by his win, it shows the world that we can be the America we have been in the past. We make mistakes like every other country, for America is comprised of humans, not robots. And we try and fix those mistakes. I'm not saying that Obama is the sole fix to the messy state we're in, but I think he's a start.

I'm proud to be an American again, and I haven't said that for a very long time. Even if you didn't vote for Obama, I hope you can support and respect our 44th president. I've tried, although have sometimes failed, in doing that for Bush the past eight years. I'm very hopeful for our nation's future. Especially today.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"America the Beautiful" sung by Ray Charles

Helloooooo

noreply@blogger.com (Erin Mc) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 02:14:00 +0000

I'm super drunk, and I remembered I needed to post. I am doing a good job on typing. So there.

OSU beat Michigan by an embarrassing score. Awesome.

now I am sitting in my living room waiting for friends to go out to the bar. This could lead to bad/awesome night. It's 9:16. Yikes.

Slamiky Malargy....

NOw Playoing: Shut up and Drive by Rihanna.... don't judge me