"Who watches the Watchmen?"

OK. I finally finished Watchmen. And yes, as you've probably heard elsewhere, far more eloquently, it was good. It was recommended to me by a friend of a friend a few months ago, so I thought I would read it before seeing it in the theater. Although enjoyable, it didn't catch me off guard by punching me square in the chest, leaving me gasping for breath. Zak told me it would blow my mind. Did it surprise me? Sorta. But rock my world off its axis? Not so much.

But you know what? I'm jazzed that a piece of fiction did that for him. I know there are books out there that have changed me and I've repeatedly recommended them. I wanted my friends to have the same reaction as I did. Which was "HOLY SHIT! HOW DID I LIVE MY LIFE BEFORE READING THIS?!" It's kind of disappointing when they weren't crapping their pants with excitement. Hence, why I'm not going to tell Zak that I merely enjoyed Watchmen.

(For those of you who worry that I'm going to spoil the ending, don't worry. I'm not.)

There were some MAJOR themes in this graphic novel, but there were so many small, trivial questions that I wanted answers to. I simply cannot get over these stupid facts that were just glossed over. Like, why did Rorschach smell? Did he not shower? His stench was commented upon like, 10 times. 10 times! With no explanation! Come on!

Also, why is Dr. Manhattan always naked? He starts out with a full body suit, then cuts down to a wrestling singlet, then to some bikini briefs, then he just goes full out streaker. Except he doesn't run. He calmly walks about. Naked. And they show his giblets. I'm not gonna lie, for being the most powerful "man" on Earth, he doesn't look so "powerful" below the belt. Must be a grower, not a shower. I'm not ashamed of looking. You would have too.

Why is Nixon president? It's set it in 1985. It doesn't make any sense. I have no witty commentary for that part. It just annoyed me.

For any help or theories you might have on these topics, I'd appreciate it.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Maneater" by Hall & Oates

"Which one of us has the PhD?"

I watched Role Models this weekend after months of waiting for it to come out on DVD. For some reason, my sister only wants to see movies in the theater that warrant Academy Awards. But for a gut busting comedy, she makes me wait until I can order it on Netflix. Oh, she'll also go see Watchmen because of the special effects and superhero hoopla. I know I can go to the movies by myself. I'm definitely not above it. But there nothing sadder than to quote a movie that no one saw with you. So I waited.

It was hilarious. Jane Lynch is awesome, as always. If you want me to laugh at your movie, you should go ahead and cast her. She's brilliant.

Side note: Can I please get some of the elixir that Paul Rudd seems to have injected? Because that guy has not aged since he was in Clueless. It's not fair.

I got this text from Megan today:

(while watching Romeo + Juliet) This movie is 13 years old and Paul Rudd looks exactly the same.

(This post is full of links, isn't it? Not done yet!)

Anyway. It's not surprising that I like Role Models. I can reenact Superbad. I watch Anchorman every night before going to sleep. I own Wedding Crashers, Dodgeball, Old School, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Knocked Up and watch them all on a regular basis.

I was telling my dad yesterday how it's funny that I really enjoy well made films, and completely respect great actors and well written stories and plots. But if I'm going to re-watch a movie, my guess it's going to have a scene where Will Ferrell has his shirt off. I don't know what this says about me.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Hello It's Me" by Todd Rundgren

Otis! My main man!

I want this so badly that I'm about to chuck my usual logic of not paying over $20 for a t-shirt right out the window. I mean, it's OTIS. On a shirt. Singing is goddamn heart out. I only wish his image was bigger, but considering I haven't seen any other Otis Redding t-shirts on the market, I'll take what I can get. (Mind you, I haven't been actively looking for Otis t-shirts, I just came upon this site. But you know what I mean.) If you find a better one, leave me a comment.

Otis Redding is one of my all-time favorite singers. His voice was not as smooth as Sam Cooke, but man, no one put more energy or emotion in their singing than Otis did. He wrote "Respect," and it made Aretha Franklin a household name, but I like his version much better. It's a shame that he passed before he could bask in "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" becoming a hit. I'm seriously feeling some feelings for Otis right now.


I also want the David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Neil Young shirts and about 15 others. You know, if you want to buy me a present or something.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Respect" by Otis Redding

Habitual Hungover Road Trip Conversation with Patrick

While driving from Cleveland to Columbus

Me: You're a scientist. When are you going to invent transporting?

Patrick: What?

Me: I'm tired and hungover and I just want to be home and in bed. I just want to be transported home like *that* (snaps fingers)

Patrick: Transporting has already been invented. We're doing it right now.l It's when you move things from one place to another. It's been "invented" since the beginning of man.

Me: (Disgusted sigh) You know what I mean. Like, in Star Trek. Pressing a button and being TRANSPORTED at the speed of light to wherever you want to go.

Patrick: I think you mean teleporting.

Me: YES! Whatever it's called. So, when are you gonna get on that?

Patrick. (Shakes head and sighs. Proceeds to sleep in passenger seat for the remaining ride home.)


Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Don't Want to Get Over You" by The Magnetic Fields

Things I want to do this weekend

- Read all the back issues of Rolling Stone that I have neglected over the past few months. Don't worry Sean Penn, I'm definitely going to read that profile on you.

- Watch both RocknRolla and Hamlet 2 that I have from Netflix. I've had RocknRolla for about a month now, and it's annoying me that I'm not utilizing Netflix cost efficiently.

- Finish Me Talk Pretty One Day because I'm only 9 years behind everyone else in reading David Sedaris books. (Only 2 more to go.)

- Sleep in until I wake up naturally, without an alarm on both Saturday and Sunday.

- Go to the gym both days for really intense, tiring workouts that make me feel like I've actually physically accomplished something.

- Do my taxes in order to get that refund back with a quickness. Gotta save for about a billion hotel stays this summer.

- Soak my feet like a 90-year-old and give myself a pedicure.


(Look at me posting twice in one day.)

P.S. It's not sunny anymore. Fan-fucking-tastic.


Slaminky Malargy to you...

Now Playing: "Secondhand News" by Fleetwood Mac

"What's with today, today?"

Why, it's Rex Manning day!

I'm sitting at the office right now reading archives of Danielle's blog and I should be working on checking math questions for a worksheet test, but even 5th grade math is eluding me right now. What's up with you, brain? I'm in this hazy funk today, which is super weird because I have a lot of things to smile about today.

It's actually sunny today! In Ohio! In March! And the temperature is 67 degrees and is creeping into the 70s this weekend! Exclamation points!!! It calls for rolling down the windows and the blasting of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic" which does not have the same affect in the cold, depressing winter months, let me tell you. But, Ohio weather is a cruel temptress, and although I'm happy to bust out some sunglasses and shed the heavy coat, I'm bracing myself for snow flurries and some freezing rain. I have seen entirely too many Ohio "springs" to think that this warm weather will be a constant through the next month or two. Yes, my name is Debbie Downer. Nice to meet you. Is that where my funk is coming from? Maybe. Doesn't feel like it though.

I also get to spend the weekend at my parents' house helping my mom rehab her knee replacement that she had on Tuesday. This might sound like a chore to some, but to be around my family and joke and laugh with them beats anything else I could have possibly done this weekend. Mom is a tough cookie, and she isn't allowing for much assistance, which is a positive in her recovery, but doesn't give me much to help her with. Basically, I'll be there to make sure she isn't victim of those tragic "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercials. So she and I will probably sit around and read, and watch movies and maybe play some cards. Then Dad will come home from work, and we'll eat food and make fun of each other and laugh and make fun of each other some more. Maybe Megan will be there too.

Well, there's no way that's where the funk is coming. What else?

- I got my eyebrows waxed last night, and look like a female human instead of a yeti. All positive there.

- I shaved my legs this morning to continue the path of feeling like a lady. Thumbs up.

- It's Friday and I don't have to see my co-workers for two whole days. God bless.

- I'm wearing a black shirt with navy blue socks and Birkenstocks. I don't match. It's trivial, but I can't think of anything else so....

That must be it.


Slaminky Malargy to you...


Now playing: "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison

I'm always just one step behind the rest

As you know, I've started to use Twitter. I like that I can "micro-blog" about stupid shit that runs through my strange, strange brain without writing an entire blog post about it.

But there are still about a million things I don't understand. Like, what is number sign (#) with words following it? What does RT mean? How come I only have 12 followers? Can I tell if anyone has "starred" my "tweets?" Can they tell I've starred theirs?

It took me about a month to figure out OH: meant "Overheard." And discovering that made me feel like a goddamn genius. It's like the time in high school when my family first got AOL, and I began my world of online chatting. Someone used the abbreviation "LOL" and I immediately sprung into awkward 15-year-old defense mode and thought retaliated with "FUCK YOU!" because I thought they were calling me a "Loser On Line." Drink me in. I always go down smooth.


Slaminky Malargy to you...


Now Playing: "He's So Shy" by The Pointer Sisters