Fact: I'm better than you

I bought tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar as a Christmas gift for my sister this year. Megan has loved this musical since she was in middle school and VH1 ran muliple showings of the movie enough times to hook her. She claims that JCS is in her Top Three favorite musicals.

I had never seen the movie nor heard the score, but I like Andrew Lloyd Webber well enough, and I trust Megan's taste. When other people compare themselves to their siblings by using the simile, "We're like night and day!" I often say that Megan and I are like, "night and later that night." We enjoy most of the same music, movies, and activities. Essentially, she has great taste. So when she invited me to accompany her, I accepted.

We've seen Rent, Phantom of the Opera, Avenue Q, and Sweeney Todd together, and I got the chance to see A Chorus Line and Wicked on Broadway. Monday night's performance of Jesus Christ Superstar was just decent for me. This is where Megan and my tastes diverge, because this is probably my least favorite musical I've seen. I think part of this had to do with my limited knowledge of the bible. My parents blame themselves, but I'm really OK with my naivety of such things. Musically, Judas was exceptional, and Caiaphas's range was like none I had ever heard before. My jaw literally dropped when I heard him go from a low bass note to a mid-range tenor note. Although very impressive, I didn't leave with an infectious tune in my head that I could hum for the next few days. But that's not really what this post is about. I'm going to go ahead and rant a little bit here if you don't mind.

We go to the theatre enough to know that you should dress in nicer clothes to see a play, musical, ballet, or opera. I can't tell you how many people show up wearing jeans and t-shirts. When I see you people, I probably give you a dirty look and then smugly smile knowing that I'm better than you. On Monday, we saw tons of people casually dressed like they were going to see a demolition derby. If the ushers are dressed in tuxedos, maybe take the hint and at least put on a pair of goddamn khakis and a collared shirt. We actually saw one guy in Adidas tearaway pants, a hooded sweatshirt and a snow hat. I know I sound like a snob, but I don't care. If you can afford theatre tickets in this shit economy, you can afford not to look like you just got back from the gym.

I guess it just makes me nostalgic for the days where going out was a big deal and you got dressed up for a "night on the town." Those traditions have basically gone out of style, but I'm still holding onto them at the theatre.


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"Think of Me" by Andrew Lloyd Webber

I would have forgotten...

I was reminded that I said I would post a list of the movies I quoted last week. I got a few correct guesses via comments, texts, and forcing my sister to sit down and read my damn blog already.

And since I'm still high off of winning movie passes in an Oscar prediction contest, I am in the movie spirit! It's the little things in life, people.

1. The Last of the Mohicans, said by Magua played by Wes Studi.

2. Dirty Dancing, said by Johnny Castle played by Patrick Swayze.

3. The Departed, said by Frank Costello played by Jack Nicholson.

4. Almost Famous, said by Lester Bangs played by Phillip Seymour Hoffman

5. Ancorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy, said by Champ Kind played by David Koechner.

6. Meatballs, said by Tripper Harrison played by Bill Murray.

7. Stranger Than Fiction, said by Harold Crick played by Will Ferrell.

8. Field of Dreams, said by "Shoeless" Joe Jackson played by Ray Liotta.

9. Superbad, said by Seth played by Jonah Hill.

10. Love Actually, said by Harry played by Alan Rickman.

11. Super Troopers, said by Foster played by Paul Soter.

12. Snatch, said by Avi played by Dennis Farina.

13. Fight Club, said by Tyler Durden played by Brad Pitt.

14. The Notebook, said by Noah played by James Garner.

15. Old School, said by Mitch Martin played by Luke Wilson.


Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Knowing Me, Knowing You" by ABBA

The Oscars

I love award shows, therefore I love the Oscars. Since I arrive into work this morning, I've been reading different opinions on last night's show on msn, yahoo, various blogs, etc. (I don't have much work to do right now.)

So I thought I'd give a few opinions/musings myself:

- Overall, I think Hugh Jackman did a great job of hosting. In the pre-Oscar interview with Barbara Walters, he said that he wanted make the Academy Awards "more show and less biz." I think he pulled it off. Some people will say that he took the Oscars, and made them like the Tony Awards, but I just worked with what he's got. Which is, in my opinion, a lot of talent. It's nice to see that People's Sexiest Man of 2008 is a triple threat.

- Saying that, I think they could have done without the middle number with Beyonce. Don't get me wrong, I like Beyonce. But what's with her lip syncing? That was disappointing, and kind of embarrassing for her. I mean, the one thing she became famous for is singing, and Hugh totally shows her up by performing live.

- I correctly predicted all the big winners! Hopefully, this will grant me the movie passes from the contest I entered at my local library. (Yes, I'm a nerd.) For some reason, I knew they wouldn't give Best Actor to Mickey Rourke. They probably see him as a liability, and went with the "safer" Sean Penn.

- Speaking of Sean Penn, I was really disappointed that he didn't thank his wife. I know that sometimes you get caught up in the moment, but she was sitting RIGHT THERE in in line of sight. It's hard to forget someone when they give you a big kiss upon hearing your name called.

- Jessica Biel's dress was, by far, the ugliest of the night. It looked like stayed in bed with Justin Timberlake until the last final minute and wrapped herself in the post-coital sheets to head down the red carpet.

- Was Ralph Fiennes in every movie made this year? Seriously, that guy was in The Reader, In Bruges, The Duchess and The Hurt Locker. Three out of four were nominated in some category or another. Well done on being a part of some critically acclaimed movies, Ralph. He was also in Bernard and Doris, which came out in 2007, but was recognized in the recent Golden Globes.

- Yes, Sophia Loren's dress was slightly crazy. But as my sister reminded me, "She is an old Italian woman. That is what they wear." Also, she is 74. 74! And she still looks pretty good.

- Could Merryl Streep be anymore humble or elegant? No, it would impossible.

- Why didn't Bruce Springsteen get nominated for Best Song for The Wrestler? Also, does anyone know why John Legend sang the Wall-E song instead of Peter Gabriel?

- I think it was a classy touch to have past winners present and address the nominees. I thought Shirley MacLaine's speech to Anne Hathaway was especially cute when she told her to "keep singing." Reminded me of my grandma.

- I swear I thought I saw Jennifer Aniston wink/nod to Brad Pitt while she was presenting for best animated movie. Maybe I imagine it, but it's because after all the drama, I want them to be friends.

- Tim Gunn is a perfect and rather delightful red carpet interviewer. Everyone else can seriously fuck off.

- Danny Boyle was genuinely proud and happy for all the awards his movie, Slumdog Millionaire, received. He seemed to be really enjoying himself, and appreciate the success of the film. Take a hint, other directors.


Anyway, it looks like I have some work to do now. Which is fine, because I was pretty much done anyway.


Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "I Am, I Said" by Neil Diamond

All right Mr. De Mille, I'm ready for my close-up

I got this "meme" off of Byrneunit and since I have some time to kill, I thought I do it. Here is the premise:

Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
Post them for everyone to guess.
NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

If you want to guess the movies, you are more than welcome to comment. I can give the answers in a separate post in a few days, if anyone cares.


1. "When the Grey Hair is dead, Magua will eat his heart. Before he dies, Magua will put his children under the knife, so the Grey Hair will know his seed is wiped out forever."

2. "You don't understand the way it is, I mean for somebody like me. Last month, I'm-I-I'm eating Jujubes to keep alive, this month women are stuffing diamonds in my pockets. I'm bouncing on shit and quick as that I could be down there again."

3. "When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?"

4. "The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool."

5. "We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much. I miss being with you, I miss being near you. I miss your laugh. I miss your scent; I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together."

6. "But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends."

7. "No, no. It's not schizophrenia. It's just a voice in my head. I mean, the voice isn't telling me to do anything. It's telling me what I've already done... accurately, and with a better vocabulary."

8. "Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven."

9. "Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube."

10. "Invite him out for a drink and then, after about twenty minutes, casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies."

11. "Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?"

12. "Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."

13. "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

14. "That's my sweetheart in there. Wherever she is, that's where my home is."

15. "True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend..."


Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "Round and Round" by Ratt

"Happy VD"

VD = Valentine's Day, not venerial disease as I thought when my sister relayed a text she received this past Saturday night. Also, VD is so 1970s. We're all about calling them STDs, or STIs, by now right?

Anyway, my VD was mostly spent in the fetal position, because I had a crippling hangover. I guess many, many vodka and sodas on an empty stomach isn't the path to a productive Saturday morning, but then again it seems to go along with another Valentine's Day I've chronicled on this blog.

Side note: I don't know why, but I often challenge people to a dance-off when I reach a certain level of intoxication. Also, after said challenge, I may or may not have assumed a good-looking barback was gay and told him I had many cute gay friends I could set him up with. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he's straight. It's almost like I'm TRYING not to be asked out on dates.

Anyway, back to my Valentine's Day:

I chose an old-timey hangover remedy used faithfully by millions since the civil war era: McDonalds HI-C Orange Drink. This steadfast and proven cure is the only thing that will keep you from death. I'm sure of it.

After a nap and a viewing of "Singin' in the Rain," I was back on my feet and ready for a night on the town: dinner at a nice restaurant, and a home viewing of "Pride and Glory." That particular movie was chosen as Edward Norton is my sister Megan's, #1 dream man, and Colin Farrell is mine. But, it didn't leave me with amourous feelings toward Colin as the movie was pretty fucked up at parts. Good, but fucked up. Pretty much like my love life.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Carrie-Ann" by The Hollies

Shocker

(While watching Private Practice with my sister Megan)

Me: Aww. I like him. I wish we had a pediatrician like that when we were growing up.

Megan: Then your love of older men would have started even earlier than it did. *giggles*

Me: Nah. I wouldn't have had a crush on him, because he would have had to stick his finger up my ass... and I didn't get into that until I was older.

(Look of complete horror overcomes Megan's face)

Me: *laughs* I'm totally kidding. I just wanted to see what you'd do.

Megan: That's just WRONG! I'm still horrified.

Me: That was my intention.


Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "That's Life" by Frank Sinatra

In the year 2000...

I was going through some old diaries last night in search of something to submit to a book called Cringe. The book is a compilation of people's old journal entries, poems, songs, and letters. There is a monthly live reading in Brooklyn of these lost feelings, and I've really wanted to attend, but haven't been able to make it. My friend Tracie actually had two entries accepted from her "Journal of Rage and Hatred," and reads occasionally since she now lives in NYC. Since she's one of the funniest people I know, her contributions were a favorite of mine.

I kept a sporadic diary from elementary through college. I still pen the occasional entry if I'm in the need of some journal therapy. But going back to my senior year of high school was... wow. I can't even come up with a word to describe my deluded self-confidence. Especially reading lines such as, "I wore my tight black shirt and gray skirt today. A lot of the guys told me I looked sexy. What can I say?" Who is this girl? I also talk about "getting a piece" which is about the most fratastic thing to hear from a 17 year old virgin. Sure, like most sappy girls I go on to "feel some feelings" and use trite and hideously teenage words and phrases like, "soul," and "heartbroken," and "I just want to love, and be loved in return."

Speaking of that "love," I don't think I made it through one entry without talking about boys and my subsequent crushes on them. And, I know that's what most girls talk about in their diaries, but I was a little surprised how I much I wanted to spread my love around to several boys at once. There was one boy who I was "crushing on" who had to be rushed to the hospital for having too much oxygen around his heart. Scary, right? Well, oh-so-considerate teenage Erin told him, "You shouldn't be thinking about me so much, your heart is getting too excited." Seriously? Again, who is this girl and who taught her to talk like that?

My love of older men was also revealed and cultivated in those lined notebook pages. I read about how I pursued an Old Navy co-worker who was 21, and an art student friend who was 22 and couldn't understand why they didn't want to date me. Sure, if I were to now date a man with that age difference, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, what sort of creepster is going to date a 17-year-old in high school when they can legally drink in bars? I would 100% judge them now if they had taken me up on my offer.

I'm having a hard time picking something out to read that my parents won't be ashamed of. I may start with something a little more innocent from middle school where I apparently asked four boys to be my boyfriend in the matter of a three days. No. Not desperate at all.

What's even more sad is that even though I haven't gone back to read my college journals, I'm not sure they're going to be that much more mature. My bet is that the only difference is that I talk about sex. Or lack thereof.

I'll let you know if my submission gets accepted, and then you can go buy the book and read about boy-crazy 13-year-old Erin.

Slaminky Malargy...

Now Playing: "The Greatest" by Cat Power

Tweet

Just like John Mayer and Ashton Kutcher, I'm on Twitter. (Does that mean I'm a douche bag too?) Or am I twittering? I don't really know the lingo yet.

Unlike here, I do update that everyday. Some days I update twice! How about that?

So if you'd like to follow that, my twitter name is EbirdMc. It's a toss up if I'm more interesting here or there. Considering three people read this thing, and I have six followers on Twitter, I'd say I'm pretty unpopular all over this Internet. Man, it sounds like I'm crying "feel sorry for me" tears all over my keyboard doesn't it?


Now Playing: "New Virginia Creeper" by Old Crow Medicine Show