Inbox
It's time to erase my text inbox again. Here are the gems since the last time. They are getting more personal... and slightly more creepy. But hey, that's friendship!
Hmmm I don't know if "that's what she said" works there. Maybe if you just said, "wow, it's huge!" But I don't think its very common for a woman to refer to a man's package as a burrito.
I had to get out quick. I had this mega sneeze and my nose started bleeding!
Should be interesting. Don't worry bout Mexico. We all have our bullet proof vests on. And michelle is wearing a helmet with a face shield. She looks like robo cop.
I hear ya. Don't poop your pants. People tend to look down on that in the workplace. I merely pee my pants and I get weird looks, so I can only imagine...
We had so much in common. He snowboards, wakeboards, skydives, loves traveling, and worked for AT&T for like 12 years. He adopted 2 kids from Russia. Well, THAT we didn't have in common.
Last night I had a dream I had a baby and I forgot it when I was shopping. I don't think I'm gonna be a good mother.
Sorry I missed your call. I'm currently dissecting a fetal pig. Yeah, that's right.
Michelle and I are doing work at the gentleman's club in our brassieres playing billiards.
Well he is older 30s I think- the only story I remember about him is that he is loud and a shooter in bed
Yeah! He used to hang out with all the tuba players
I meant you should tell him to get in your head so he knows just to tell you you're pretty so you can go to sleep.
Yeah I find myself saying general statements like "it's science!" and that's when I know to give up.
I told him about being mayors and our glam band and going out in cbus- nothing too embarrassing.
We don't need money to celebrate girl! Laughs and friendship don't cost a thing! Wow over the top?
Take a ride on your disco stick? Family appropriate?
I know. That was my cousin. She's strange. The one that is in her 30s and wears Mickey Mouse clothes all the time.
Is your fake wedding in a church?
I was so jealous to hear there was a wedding that was full of seamen!
Just listen to Wind Beneath my Wings and the world will make sense again. You are my hero.
After the pacific and indian, Billy is my favorite Ocean.
You quoted Anchorman. If that didn't turn him on, you are better off without him.
Happy National Neil Diamond Day!
Barbara Streisand bothers me, but damn she can sing!
By the way, I love your unabashed crush on my boyfriend you've never met.
I am honored that you thought I had the ability to diagnose crabs so quickly.
I picture you saying that with crazy eyes and maybe a knife in your hand.
There are these 2 guys rapping in the break room by my desk using their blackberry ring tones for backup music.
Crap, I think I just shit my pants. I've just been holding it for awhile and I think it could have just squeezed out. We are too close. This is a very gross conversation. I'm sorry.
Thank god I was wrong. I am clean and weigh 3 pounds less. Sorry Shell station.
If I were gay, I'd marry you.
Who sings all for love? Tony, Toni, Tone?
It will be like losing your virginity all over again! That's an exciting thought.
If Anthony is the next to get married, I'm shooting myself.
Well, you have never once seen me wash my testicles either. Doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday.
Miss you too and I want those sparkle gloves! I need them. If nothing else than to practice my Lady Gaga dancing.
Just remember: ugly baby rarely misses a chance to judge next time you make a questionable decision.
If you are still with jess, will you take a pic of her butt with her phone and send it to me?
He'll be here if you are... and yes I will be hiding around every corner and sleeping under your bed!
Since when are they fancy? Oh yeah, since they moved into the adam's family mansion. It's actually good because Anthony can grow old in the west wing and cry into their 180 dollar gravy boat.
That bitch Britney has nothing on you!
Not to be confused with Clifford the big red dog.
You would be proud. I just honked and flipped a lady off.
Why do my farts smell like burger king french fries?
I LOVE slutty clothes. I like to give out that vibe. I want guys to know exactly what they're gonna get before they get it. Oh and they'll get it.
Sleep the shit out of your bed
SAD PANDA! What are you doing?
Yeah there's nothing straight about that. It's like the guy I sat next to on the plane that I thought was flirting with me until he told me my shoes were "cute." No straight guy says that.
No hookers. Talk to you later.
Obviously that was a drunk text the other night, but I miss you too.
And he was blind? You are a better person than me. My guy was supposedly 28 but looked 17 and was a trust fund kid. And I was really happy about that. You fell in love with a blind man that showed you around the world. You win. My guy wasn't hot until I found out he was rich! He was a part of the wealthiest family in southern california. His house was sick. It was like it's own island. God, I'm shallow.
We ended up in this serious coke party in a penthouse suite in the wynn last night. Yikes. Did you make out last night?
Are you floating on clouds of love today?
Mike just got here. My place is a mess. He's changing in my room and I have an edward cullen poster up! So embarrassing!
Ah that's cute! I feel this story developing... Get that ahole friend of his address so I can send him anonymous threats.
The bubonic plague is in china. Soon in Biff's compost heap.
I've said a lot of creepy things. I do not know which one you're referring to.
Tits tits tits
Damnit! Just pissed my pants while standing in the bathroom stall. Who does that? Oh yes, 80 year olds.
Oh nice. How'd you find out? I think you are destined to be with an old, short guy. Just embrace it.
I'm in love with a richard gere look-a-like that works at trader joes.
I would transplant my blood to you if it came down to it. Just know that.
If anyone ever asks me what the longest orgasm I've ever had is, I will tell them as long as it took me to finish that sandwich. It is gone and now I'm sad.
You owe me a pet monkey only.
In the midwest, it's fun to go mullet hunting. In san diego man tramp stamp hunting is a saturday favorite.
Slaminky Malargy...
Now Playing: "Re: Stacks" by Bon Iver
Hmmm I don't know if "that's what she said" works there. Maybe if you just said, "wow, it's huge!" But I don't think its very common for a woman to refer to a man's package as a burrito.
I had to get out quick. I had this mega sneeze and my nose started bleeding!
Should be interesting. Don't worry bout Mexico. We all have our bullet proof vests on. And michelle is wearing a helmet with a face shield. She looks like robo cop.
I hear ya. Don't poop your pants. People tend to look down on that in the workplace. I merely pee my pants and I get weird looks, so I can only imagine...
We had so much in common. He snowboards, wakeboards, skydives, loves traveling, and worked for AT&T for like 12 years. He adopted 2 kids from Russia. Well, THAT we didn't have in common.
Last night I had a dream I had a baby and I forgot it when I was shopping. I don't think I'm gonna be a good mother.
Sorry I missed your call. I'm currently dissecting a fetal pig. Yeah, that's right.
Michelle and I are doing work at the gentleman's club in our brassieres playing billiards.
Well he is older 30s I think- the only story I remember about him is that he is loud and a shooter in bed
Yeah! He used to hang out with all the tuba players
I meant you should tell him to get in your head so he knows just to tell you you're pretty so you can go to sleep.
Yeah I find myself saying general statements like "it's science!" and that's when I know to give up.
I told him about being mayors and our glam band and going out in cbus- nothing too embarrassing.
We don't need money to celebrate girl! Laughs and friendship don't cost a thing! Wow over the top?
Take a ride on your disco stick? Family appropriate?
I know. That was my cousin. She's strange. The one that is in her 30s and wears Mickey Mouse clothes all the time.
Is your fake wedding in a church?
I was so jealous to hear there was a wedding that was full of seamen!
Just listen to Wind Beneath my Wings and the world will make sense again. You are my hero.
After the pacific and indian, Billy is my favorite Ocean.
You quoted Anchorman. If that didn't turn him on, you are better off without him.
Happy National Neil Diamond Day!
Barbara Streisand bothers me, but damn she can sing!
By the way, I love your unabashed crush on my boyfriend you've never met.
I am honored that you thought I had the ability to diagnose crabs so quickly.
I picture you saying that with crazy eyes and maybe a knife in your hand.
There are these 2 guys rapping in the break room by my desk using their blackberry ring tones for backup music.
Crap, I think I just shit my pants. I've just been holding it for awhile and I think it could have just squeezed out. We are too close. This is a very gross conversation. I'm sorry.
Thank god I was wrong. I am clean and weigh 3 pounds less. Sorry Shell station.
If I were gay, I'd marry you.
Who sings all for love? Tony, Toni, Tone?
It will be like losing your virginity all over again! That's an exciting thought.
If Anthony is the next to get married, I'm shooting myself.
Well, you have never once seen me wash my testicles either. Doesn't mean I don't do it every Friday.
Miss you too and I want those sparkle gloves! I need them. If nothing else than to practice my Lady Gaga dancing.
Just remember: ugly baby rarely misses a chance to judge next time you make a questionable decision.
If you are still with jess, will you take a pic of her butt with her phone and send it to me?
He'll be here if you are... and yes I will be hiding around every corner and sleeping under your bed!
Since when are they fancy? Oh yeah, since they moved into the adam's family mansion. It's actually good because Anthony can grow old in the west wing and cry into their 180 dollar gravy boat.
That bitch Britney has nothing on you!
Not to be confused with Clifford the big red dog.
You would be proud. I just honked and flipped a lady off.
Why do my farts smell like burger king french fries?
I LOVE slutty clothes. I like to give out that vibe. I want guys to know exactly what they're gonna get before they get it. Oh and they'll get it.
Sleep the shit out of your bed
SAD PANDA! What are you doing?
Yeah there's nothing straight about that. It's like the guy I sat next to on the plane that I thought was flirting with me until he told me my shoes were "cute." No straight guy says that.
No hookers. Talk to you later.
Obviously that was a drunk text the other night, but I miss you too.
And he was blind? You are a better person than me. My guy was supposedly 28 but looked 17 and was a trust fund kid. And I was really happy about that. You fell in love with a blind man that showed you around the world. You win. My guy wasn't hot until I found out he was rich! He was a part of the wealthiest family in southern california. His house was sick. It was like it's own island. God, I'm shallow.
We ended up in this serious coke party in a penthouse suite in the wynn last night. Yikes. Did you make out last night?
Are you floating on clouds of love today?
Mike just got here. My place is a mess. He's changing in my room and I have an edward cullen poster up! So embarrassing!
Ah that's cute! I feel this story developing... Get that ahole friend of his address so I can send him anonymous threats.
The bubonic plague is in china. Soon in Biff's compost heap.
I've said a lot of creepy things. I do not know which one you're referring to.
Tits tits tits
Damnit! Just pissed my pants while standing in the bathroom stall. Who does that? Oh yes, 80 year olds.
Oh nice. How'd you find out? I think you are destined to be with an old, short guy. Just embrace it.
I'm in love with a richard gere look-a-like that works at trader joes.
I would transplant my blood to you if it came down to it. Just know that.
If anyone ever asks me what the longest orgasm I've ever had is, I will tell them as long as it took me to finish that sandwich. It is gone and now I'm sad.
You owe me a pet monkey only.
In the midwest, it's fun to go mullet hunting. In san diego man tramp stamp hunting is a saturday favorite.
Slaminky Malargy...
Now Playing: "Re: Stacks" by Bon Iver
posted by Erin Mc at
1:47 PM
5 Comments:
Can we see a follow up post with what you said to prompt these messages? Especially these:
the disco stick
the fake wedding
That's the beauty of my phone; it only holds 50 outgoing messages. Therefore, I can't incriminate myself.
My favorite: if i were gay, i'd marry you (loving the irony, as well know gay marriage is illegal in most states, probably including yours)
I want in on this, so I'll need your phone number to text you. So you know I'm not a stalker, I'll only text you if I've got a knee slapping joke, or if I need you to open your curtains a little bit more.
Hanni- yeah, it is, unfortunately.
Roland, your comment was both hilarious and creepy. I love it.
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