Lazy blogging
My inbox is full, and I like to keep track of my funny texts:
I just got to check this i love drunk texts from my square root
Dandy, just dandy!
You want to eat a little corgi?
No, but I feel we r being watched
Oh yeah I forgot. I had to get checked for head lice. One of our students has it.
See Bobs the best at everything. Even being annoying.
Sorry to text so late ohio time, but we're having a maui dance party and I thought of you and the double layer air piano which we shall recreate in 2 weeks!
Wooooooorrrrrrrrrdddddddd. Sebastian/Flounder reunion! Reunited and it feels so goooooooooood!
Were you creeping people out on facebook?!!
No you didn't!? Totally creepin! Ha. I am a bit hazy on the convo too. I know we talked about my dad being in the CIA. I don't quite remember much else.
(clap, clap!) Danced to her gypsy music til the brew was dooooooooone.
That is more productive than my day. Unless you count watching the today show while holding my computer on my lap as if I was really doing work.
More baby danglers. All over the place!
Alright so I'm at Paul's wedding reception and bored. Time to turn on the charm and hit on lonely drunk chicks. If only I had a wingman.
Ummm, you just watched Step Up and liked it. You have no room to talk here.
Maybe Paris Hilton? I think she's pretty happy with herself.
I'm 26 now. I'm a grown up.
I just bought K-Y yours and mine on the internet cause I'm too embarassed to buy it in the store. I'm a child.
Should I join facebook or will it destroy my life?
Just learned the hard way that there is no way to fart silently when sitting on a vinyl chair.
Schmooz basically. Whore myself out for my company. Can't wait.
Yeah I thought you didn't want floor meat.
You guys are in for a treat tomorrow. Only second inning and i am already up to 19 white castles.
I just talked to a guy that tapes and sells porn for about 45 minutes. Interesting. About Thailand girls in Vegas. Random weird stuff. I am doing a video for him.
Do it! Pee your pants and then you can go home and change. Its perfect.
Unicorns do exist!
I almost fell asleep at the wheel this morning. I kept swerving into the other lanes. It was kinda scary.
Wait, was I his first? I don't even remember stealing his V card.
I get all choked up just thinking about Bette Midler.
Aww don't be sad. Do you want me to give you one of my awkward hugs when I get home?
Was there conversation leading up to that or did you just send him a single text saying "you're hot"?
What movie? I think I peed my pants in class. Basically my pants and underwear were wet with what I believe to be pee but I don't recall peeing in them. Don't old people do that? I think I need Depends.
Oh you mean my favorite drag queen: Ms. Valentine.
He hunted and killed that shit. I'm not even sure what that means. But yeah we had awesome up against the wall kind of combat sex. Wonderful.
I will pound your face into a jelly!
Actually it made me cry hyterically but I think in a good way.
My favorite part of the workout is watching Maksim do the hip warm up.
We are making brownies- the drug-filled kind!
We need killing tools and he needs me to smile at him every once in awhile
Try to have a tranny-free week, ok?
Monkey thank you for the offer but I am going to a wedding that day with Megan, my new "girlfriend." She is a monkey too.
Just got out of swim practice and I see I have a bunch of flair waiting for me from you. I have no idea what that means but I think I am excited!
There is a guy here that looks like ryan gosling. He is about twelve but I don't care.
I just listened to your dad's drunk dial. I LOVED it.
I'm going to jump out of a plane in an hour.
Aw! did you know that hippopotomus is greek for water horse?
Bar. Drunk. Miss you.
You were funny last night and good to know I have three large boobs.
On my way to make up sex
My boss just emailed me and said word for word, "you are the ultimate sales machine, finely tuned, trained and born to sell with the utmost integrity and smoothness." I don't even know what to say.
Any liquor works for me as long as it makes me see black.
Wait... I've never statutory raped someone before.
Shut up and let me eat her babies!
God, I love high school reminiscing. I also love spelling that word wrong.
A bird shit on me today.
Yes. Extremely. I bought a hot dog at 2 am, dropped it on the ground and picked it up and ate it anyway. If that gives you any indication to the state I was in.
Me, toothless
I am really gassy!
The guy in front of me is wearing a fart tee shirt. And you wonder why I've made no friends here...
Mom just threw condoms at me
[Insert oral sex hand gestures] here
Thanks for the messages you drunk fools
You have 3 hours to get your game tight.
Did Brad sleep on your porch?
I am at the george michael concert and i am losing my shit
Will we include costumes?
There's an intermission. He plays all night, motherfuckers!
Alas, wake me up before you go go is my dark horse.
He has done everything she wants. It was everything I wanted.
And I'm not gonna lie, I'm drinking a lot. They put lids on our beers so we're drinking out of straws.
Chris said he looks like the bad dad from my two dads. He looks like an old-- yet flashy--grizzled detective to me. Black pants, shirt, blazer. Dance moves are life changing.
I feel like i've never danced better. That whole "you get drunker faster through a straw" thing is false anyway. (that's what she said?)
But from his commentary (oh, the accent) it sounds like this is the first of many US tours. We must make a date for the next tour and seal it in blood.
George Michael must put something into the air. Chris asked if I wanted to make out and I said yes. It was amazing and gross at the same time.
Panera makes my face feel plump
Gotta keep it sexy! Hips and nips!
Does that make me gay? I guess I am gay for god!
One crack rock please
Did you see my jesus chain?
Im driving thru the butt!
I karaoked both careless whisper and freedom 90 last night because jenny was too drunk to remember how to read.
Be proud of me: I managed to sweat through my bridesmaid dress.
Apparently we midwesterners don't even have the ability to feel earthquakes.
Call me ASAP. I just heard the short bus flipped over in the earthquake and I know u don't like to wear ur helmet. Im worried! R U OK?
You pointed to your boobies!
Sounds perfect... Dibs on being the big spoon!
Music explosion
My record is 8 hot dogs before the third inning, followed by having to leave at the end of the 3rd inning due to massive stomach pain.
Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...
"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by Talking Heads
I just got to check this i love drunk texts from my square root
Dandy, just dandy!
You want to eat a little corgi?
No, but I feel we r being watched
Oh yeah I forgot. I had to get checked for head lice. One of our students has it.
See Bobs the best at everything. Even being annoying.
Sorry to text so late ohio time, but we're having a maui dance party and I thought of you and the double layer air piano which we shall recreate in 2 weeks!
Wooooooorrrrrrrrrdddddddd. Sebastian/Flounder reunion! Reunited and it feels so goooooooooood!
Were you creeping people out on facebook?!!
No you didn't!? Totally creepin! Ha. I am a bit hazy on the convo too. I know we talked about my dad being in the CIA. I don't quite remember much else.
(clap, clap!) Danced to her gypsy music til the brew was dooooooooone.
That is more productive than my day. Unless you count watching the today show while holding my computer on my lap as if I was really doing work.
More baby danglers. All over the place!
Alright so I'm at Paul's wedding reception and bored. Time to turn on the charm and hit on lonely drunk chicks. If only I had a wingman.
Ummm, you just watched Step Up and liked it. You have no room to talk here.
Maybe Paris Hilton? I think she's pretty happy with herself.
I'm 26 now. I'm a grown up.
I just bought K-Y yours and mine on the internet cause I'm too embarassed to buy it in the store. I'm a child.
Should I join facebook or will it destroy my life?
Just learned the hard way that there is no way to fart silently when sitting on a vinyl chair.
Schmooz basically. Whore myself out for my company. Can't wait.
Yeah I thought you didn't want floor meat.
You guys are in for a treat tomorrow. Only second inning and i am already up to 19 white castles.
I just talked to a guy that tapes and sells porn for about 45 minutes. Interesting. About Thailand girls in Vegas. Random weird stuff. I am doing a video for him.
Do it! Pee your pants and then you can go home and change. Its perfect.
Unicorns do exist!
I almost fell asleep at the wheel this morning. I kept swerving into the other lanes. It was kinda scary.
Wait, was I his first? I don't even remember stealing his V card.
I get all choked up just thinking about Bette Midler.
Aww don't be sad. Do you want me to give you one of my awkward hugs when I get home?
Was there conversation leading up to that or did you just send him a single text saying "you're hot"?
What movie? I think I peed my pants in class. Basically my pants and underwear were wet with what I believe to be pee but I don't recall peeing in them. Don't old people do that? I think I need Depends.
Oh you mean my favorite drag queen: Ms. Valentine.
He hunted and killed that shit. I'm not even sure what that means. But yeah we had awesome up against the wall kind of combat sex. Wonderful.
I will pound your face into a jelly!
Actually it made me cry hyterically but I think in a good way.
My favorite part of the workout is watching Maksim do the hip warm up.
We are making brownies- the drug-filled kind!
We need killing tools and he needs me to smile at him every once in awhile
Try to have a tranny-free week, ok?
Monkey thank you for the offer but I am going to a wedding that day with Megan, my new "girlfriend." She is a monkey too.
Just got out of swim practice and I see I have a bunch of flair waiting for me from you. I have no idea what that means but I think I am excited!
There is a guy here that looks like ryan gosling. He is about twelve but I don't care.
I just listened to your dad's drunk dial. I LOVED it.
I'm going to jump out of a plane in an hour.
Aw! did you know that hippopotomus is greek for water horse?
Bar. Drunk. Miss you.
You were funny last night and good to know I have three large boobs.
On my way to make up sex
My boss just emailed me and said word for word, "you are the ultimate sales machine, finely tuned, trained and born to sell with the utmost integrity and smoothness." I don't even know what to say.
Any liquor works for me as long as it makes me see black.
Wait... I've never statutory raped someone before.
Shut up and let me eat her babies!
God, I love high school reminiscing. I also love spelling that word wrong.
A bird shit on me today.
Yes. Extremely. I bought a hot dog at 2 am, dropped it on the ground and picked it up and ate it anyway. If that gives you any indication to the state I was in.
Me, toothless
I am really gassy!
The guy in front of me is wearing a fart tee shirt. And you wonder why I've made no friends here...
Mom just threw condoms at me
[Insert oral sex hand gestures] here
Thanks for the messages you drunk fools
You have 3 hours to get your game tight.
Did Brad sleep on your porch?
I am at the george michael concert and i am losing my shit
Will we include costumes?
There's an intermission. He plays all night, motherfuckers!
Alas, wake me up before you go go is my dark horse.
He has done everything she wants. It was everything I wanted.
And I'm not gonna lie, I'm drinking a lot. They put lids on our beers so we're drinking out of straws.
Chris said he looks like the bad dad from my two dads. He looks like an old-- yet flashy--grizzled detective to me. Black pants, shirt, blazer. Dance moves are life changing.
I feel like i've never danced better. That whole "you get drunker faster through a straw" thing is false anyway. (that's what she said?)
But from his commentary (oh, the accent) it sounds like this is the first of many US tours. We must make a date for the next tour and seal it in blood.
George Michael must put something into the air. Chris asked if I wanted to make out and I said yes. It was amazing and gross at the same time.
Panera makes my face feel plump
Gotta keep it sexy! Hips and nips!
Does that make me gay? I guess I am gay for god!
One crack rock please
Did you see my jesus chain?
Im driving thru the butt!
I karaoked both careless whisper and freedom 90 last night because jenny was too drunk to remember how to read.
Be proud of me: I managed to sweat through my bridesmaid dress.
Apparently we midwesterners don't even have the ability to feel earthquakes.
Call me ASAP. I just heard the short bus flipped over in the earthquake and I know u don't like to wear ur helmet. Im worried! R U OK?
You pointed to your boobies!
Sounds perfect... Dibs on being the big spoon!
Music explosion
My record is 8 hot dogs before the third inning, followed by having to leave at the end of the 3rd inning due to massive stomach pain.
Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...
"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)" by Talking Heads
posted by Erin Mc at
12:27 PM
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