Texting: Part Deux

It's that time again for me to empty my text inbox, and again pay homage to Sarah Brown. I didn't think I was going to do this again, but I had a few friends tell me they thought it was funny, and since I pretty much write for them, here we go:


I guess you win. Irish sing along beats queasy. I'll be there in 45 mins.

Also Penn's partner has ginormous boobies. Seriously. They're mesmorizing.

I am having impure thoughts about Cristian de la Fuente

I would do anything not to count as irish any Damn more.

I am with a couple of smoking Italian Michigan love idiots who sarah likes.

Fuck smokers unless it is cigars in which case go tobacco yeah.

Holy shit haha what is it with u and older men?

I think I know what dying feels like now.

Still bad. I did a lot of nasty vomiting this morning. that part seems to be over so i am hoping to be able to side in a car soon so i can come back.

Jeff's response to your choice: Money in the BANK!

You're not gonna do coke are u?

Wow. you are a champion. A monster champion.

Are you talking to anyone or just drinking wine by yourself?

Brian thinks I'm prego :) Nope, just hungry.

Hippies!

I don't remember Hot Thomas?? I hate drugs. Just say no.

Better than "I am wet." Those are the only two phrases that girls get to express their "horniness" (for lack of a better word.) It's a disgrace.

Nothing breaks up a team more than... Herpes

It was. they didn't know the ball from their ass but it was really funny. You are sexy. Better bloated from water than ramen noodles and grilled cheese like me. Am I back in college?

I forgot all about Pygmy hippo

Nice! Apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur, the fur

Me and Jess are bringing it bigger and flashier.

No boobs yet. Yes having fun

ENOROMOUS FIREPOWER!

I think you should blow up the one of the buffalo dung.

I should. I'll be mistaken for somone's mom though and that won't help the self esteem.

Just belted out some careless whisper with kyle

Don't worry I just ate fish from mcdonalds. Never a good idea.

Awethome! Hello old man river!

Male genetalia flopping around on a stage is anything but cheesy. More like fantastic.

Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape!

I still can't believe they had a pygmie hippo figurine! A PYGMIE HIPPO FOR CHRISTSAKE

Bun are you cool? Don't let the boys take advantage of you!

Don't let the ladies take advantage either!

I didn't think you were looking to get laid. I figured you might have wanted to number close.

Oh I know. That's a good call. If that's your new hangout, you will see him again and snag him and he will have a hot sister for me. Text five!

I just played an entire game of life with josh, kaitlyn and keren! Haha oh just like one big fuckin' happy family. I would really like a beer

So which do you prefer? hotdog ferris wheel or Hotdog treadmill?

I have such bad gas! I am going to have to take a big Crap when I get home... You asked! Haha.

Best quote from him: "I would be good at water skiing cause I'm pretty much good at everything." he wasn't joking.

Jose romeign stamos?

Tell mexican billy joel I said hola!

I will marry u on top of a mountain!

Woah! Joey Fatone is surprisingly bendy!

"Tony has to get another chest wax now" said Dad

Oh my goodness I was on the phone with dave and I had to poop so bad that I lied to him and said my mom was on the other line and she had to talk to me.

That's the best thing i've ever heard! Not weird at all considering I own the Right Said Fred CD, unburned.

He also said if he could have a super human power he would want to control peoples minds and play God.

Lots of killing and strippers

Your nose looks like a cat.

Yeah he has a thing for younger girls. We have known that


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) by Wyclef Jean feat. Akon

I've been tagged

From Tracie

Total number of books I've owned:

I don't think I know anyone that can answer this question with an accurate number. I don't understand when people say they don't like to read, and I imagine only people who don't like to read can count the number of books they have owned. I've owned (and sold) so many books that it would be impossible to calculate. I mean, one or two semesters in college I was taking 3 literature classes that each assigned like 10 novels. So right there is 30 books, not to mention the textbooks for other classes. I'm going to go ahead and be honest and let you know that I did not finish, or in some cases attempt to read all of those novels. I would have been a hermit. And if anyone knows me, I was not even close to being a hermit in college. Thank God for Spark Notes.

Tracie was diligent enough to count through her bookshelves, but since I err on the side of laziness, I am going to estimate. Accounting for the entire Babysitters Club series and every book written by Joan Lowery Nixon, I am going to say that I have owned around 600 books. That is a low ball estimate. Like I said, I'm too lazy to do any sort of math.

And Tracie, I still have your Johnny Cash autobiography. I swear you will get it back on the 5th of June when I'm in town. So count that into your total.

The last book I bought:

Broken Government: How Republican Rule Destroyed the Legislative, Executive, and Judicial Branches by John W. Dean. I bought this for my cousin's husband for Christmas. I think the last book I bought for myself was Black Girl/White Girl: A Novel by Joyce Carol Oates. And I haven't read it yet.

The last book I read:

But Enough About Me: A Jersey Girl's Unlikely Adventures Among the Absurdly Famous by Jancee Dunn. This was recommended to be by Joanna Martin. When I graduated college, I applied for a position at Rolling Stone , and to get an interview with my dream job was pretty much the best thing to ever happen to me. I tanked the interview, and didn't get the postion. But all in all, it was a pretty great experience. Dunn wrote for this Mecca of a magazine, and Jo thought this was a fun, light read, and reminded her of me. She was right, it was fun and light and it too reminded me of myself. (Minus actually getting the job and getting to interview musicians, but you know, whatever.)

Five Books that mean something to me:

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (I was really into "dog books" as a kid,) The Stranger by Albert Camus, Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck, Yes Man by Danny Wallace, Briar Rose by Jane Yolen, all the Harry Potter series. That's more than five, but I can't really narrow it down more than that. I could go on forever about books I loved.

I don't really think anyone reads my blog anymore, and it's probably because I don't update it. So I don't think I can tag anyone. Maybe Hanni. Oh! Wait. That's a lie. I know my friend Katie from college checks up once a week. Hi Katie! But she doesn't have a blog, so she won't be able to do this meme. (Unless she wants to post it as a comment.) If you happen to read this, and want to do complete this meme, then shoot me a comment so I can read it. Sound good? OK!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Lights and Music" by Cut Copy