I don't think I want to buy her parenting book

As I was driving on the freeway the other night, I was behind a late 1990s powder blue minivan that had one of those obnoxious "Baby On Board" caution signs. I hate those signs. First off, I wasn't the one that decided for this jackass to get knocked up and cart their kid on highways and byways. I am already pretty damn careful not to end up in a fiery wreck on the shoulder, it's not like I'm playing bumper cars on 1-270. I don't need to check my brakes every 50 meters so that Junior can sleep easy on his way to Grandma's house while their idiot mother goes 60 in the fast lane.

Shouldn't these parents have "Baby On Board" taped on their steering wheel reminding them to drive safe, rather than me? Wouldn't it make more sense for them to be the ones who are extra careful when having special cargo "on board?" Maybe I just don't like being told what to do by people who drive minivans.

Anyway, I digress. This particular "baby" was about 3-4 years old. I could tell this because he was STANDING BACKWARD IN THE BACK SEAT. Well, actually it wasn't the seat, but the back part of the van where you put your luggage or groceries. Regardless, he was standing there, facing me as I tailed his break-loving mama. Let me be clear. I wasn't outraged when Britney Spears scooped up Sean Preston in her lap and drove away from the paparazzi. It's not like I was strapped into a car seat until I was 8 or 9, like most kids are supposed to be today. Rules were a little lax back then, and I turned out fine. It's just that this mother had the audacity to place that fucking sticker on her back windshield to inform me that her kid was along for the ride, and she couldn't bother to even have him strapped in? Let alone sit in a seat?

To top it all off, she totally was hot boxing that minivan like she was caravaning to a Dead show. Sure, she was smoking cigs not weed, but crack the window to get some air flowing in there. Don't know you have a BABY ON BOARD?!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Love My Way" by the Psychedelic Furs

Things that have annoyed me so far this morning:

1. Seeing a guy walk around the office building with his blue tooth in his ear. That's a douche move right there, and I give anyone permission to punch me in the face if I ever use a blue tooth outside of when I'm driving. (Let's be honest here, I JUST got texting, I doubt I will be technically advanced enough to run out and get a blue tooth in the next 3 years.)

2. Having to explain and assign a project to a co-worker that I am already buried in, just so they have something to do. I feel like I'm going to the bathroom and I'm just about to wipe and my boss wants to have my co-worker wipe me instead. Wow. That's not just a terrible analogy, it's gross too!

3. My inability to create an appropriate analogy.

4. Always and forever, a certain co-worker. I am just enough a bitch to them to get away with it, but not so much that they don't like me anymore. I fantasize about tripping them when they walk down the hall.

Things that have made me smile today:

1. Thinking about tripping said co-worker as they walk down the hall.


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Challengers" by The New Pornographers