It's hard to be bitter when you have friends like these...

I got to hang out with two of my favorite humans this weekend, and as I was driving home, I was still laughing because Tracie and Aaron are some of the most fun people on earth. If you read Tracie's blog from today, you'd know that our brand of humor is mostly nerdy inside jokes, but sometimes that is the perfect recipe to cure the holiday blues.

Some good quotes, inventions, and realizations of the weekend:

Upon walking into a crowded bar:

Me: Did you hear someone yell my name?
Aaron: I thought I heard someone say MY name!

(um.... hey smart kids... we have the same name.)

- Aaron and I are starting a glam band and our main component of success will be glitter. Tracie has graciously volunteered to me our "Glitter Gal" by covering us in glue, and shooting glitter on us with a Shop Vac.

-Applesauce is better with 2 tablesoons of liquor rather than the prescribed 1 tablespoon.

Me: If I was hitting on people at this bar, I would probably hit on that guy (with nose ring)
Aaron: That is a girl.
Me: Nu UH! Wait.... does that make me a lesbian?

-Tracie went to Grater's 2 nights in a row, and the waitstaff recognized her... and she still had the "sample spoon" in her jacket pocket from the night before. I was so proud.

Oh how I wish we all lived in the same city.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by The Scissor Sisters

She married him?!

I know all of you have seen the adds for the high school reunion type website. It's the kind of site where you can search for lost classmates by entering your location or whatever. They have that photo of the woman in glasses and a turtleneck and a slightly unfortunate haircut next to a pretty-ish looking fratastic guy with a caption that reads something like, "SHE MARRIED HIM? AND THEY HAVE 3 KIDS?" As if to say that it is really unbelievable that such an ugly duckling could marry such a stud muffin. There is also one of her by herself with a caption: "She's a model now?!"

This is obviously a real photo. How do you think this woman feels? I honestly hope she made some money off this humiliation, or that she is dead. Because, seriously, how would you like to log onto the world wide web and be a laughing stock, just because you weren't a Barbie in high school?

Also... who says Frat Boy Freddy isn't a nice guy deep down and looked past Marla's (that's what I named her, because she looks like a Marla) glasses into those baby blues a deep and creative, charming soul? Why must he be so shallow?

It's kind of the same thing when they have a news story about obesity and show a larger person's ass waddling down the street. I swear to God, if I saw my badunkadunk sashaying down the sidewalk I would be so pissed. I don't care that they wouldn't show my face. I know what my clothes look like. I know the way I walk. And I have been told that I have a distinct stide, so other people know the way I walk too.

I really don't know how to end this rant, but it has been a nice little break from a review for FYA that I should have had done a week ago.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Money Maker" by Ludacris (HEY! HEY! HEY!)

How firm thy friendship OH-I-O!

I don't know if you heard but The Ohio State University won the game of the century over the team from up north. I was tailgating near the stadium with about a billion other fans, and after our victory we cheered, high fived, hugged and danced to celebrate. I have never ever experienced Columbus like that. It was so alive you could feel the energy with each step down Lane Avenue and High Street.

My voice is gone from the countless OH-IO's and verses of "We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan." My liver is shot from Friday night shots, pregame beers, and celebratory cocktails. I completely exhausted, but it was worth it to be a part of something so awesome.

I can't wait for January 8th.

OH-IO!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Hang on Sloopy" by The McCoys

Save the drama fo yo Mama

I recently took part of a little grapevine rumor mill action and I forgot how entirely exhausting it is to play the "he said/she said" game.

When I was in the 6th grade, I was introduced to the gossip game, and quickly found out that I wasn't very good at it. Girls are mean and I learned a lot about the friends I wanted to have and the kind of friend I wanted to be. Since then, I have tried to keep the catty to a minimum.

Sure, I still want to be in the know and get all the scoop. I have been called "nosey." But there is rarely a thing I will say behind someone's back, that I wouldn't tell you straight up. Thgat doesn't make me a good person, that just makes me.... I don't know what that makes me.

But last night, I pulled the whole, "GUESS WHAT I HEARD!" and played a good old fashioned game of Operator, complete with misunderstandings and added assumptions. When everything was straightened out, I had to pour a glass of wine and relax.

So here's to a drama free weekend, filled with Buckeye football and beer!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Back in Black" by AC/DC

The best thing on the internet...

I am going to gush a little like a school girl at a NKOTB concert. I seriously love my friend Tracie "Flounder" Masek's blog: www.emotionaltoothpaste.blogspot.com It is my favorite thing on the internet.

She is hilarious and she writes so well. If you haven't read her blog, you are doing yourself quite a disservice. So go... go NOW.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Careless Whisper" by George Michael

Take one down, pass it around...

All my boozehound friends are coming in town this weekend for the OSU game against that team up north. I should be readying my liver with a twelve pack every night to prepare for the debauchery that will surely go down.

Instead my computer has decided to be a douche bag and its giving me all sorts of grief. It's working, but the screen saver only works for a little while, and then the screen goes black and no matter how many keys I press, it won't come out of its "sleep state" (if that is what its doing in the first place.) It is sad how my life is dependent on my computer, cell phone and iPod. I honeslty rank them as high as food and oxygen. So when one is broken, a little part of me dies. And I'm not proud of that.... but that's the way it has become.

Maybe I need that twelve pack afterall.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Your Love" by The Outfield (standard)

Yikes

After viewing all the ironing to be done my dad proclaimed, "I'm going to stop wearing clothes."

Oh please don't...


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Come Dancing" by The Kinks

"Let the rain fall down..."

I just spent the last few hours of my life watching episodes of Laguna Beach, and I know I will never get those hours back. The way those kids look at and treat each other... it honestly makes me scared and sad for them at the same time. Some of those kids are awful people. Don't even get me started on their spending limits and $4000 shopping sprees. Get a fucking job.

Also... how can they get by with having conversations with each other with looks and sighs alone? Most of it is filled with "dude," "like," "stoked," "man," "wow," "yeah." It's a language that they all seem to understand, but any outsider with an education level of 3rd grade or above is confused. I am constantly screaming at the television, "USE YOUR WORDS! SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!" And then I realize that I am basically talking to myself and make myself a cocktail to calm me down.

Why put myself through this? I have no answer for you. It's not a life I want. Maybe I feel better about my intelligence after watching the supreme stupidity. Again... it doesn't say much about my intelligence for watching it in the first place.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Burning Down the House" by The Talking Heads

"And while the seagulls are crying, we fall but our souls are flying"

I am headed to see The Decemberists tonight with Marit. It is one of my favorite bands, and I am so pumped to see them.

Has anyone bought tickets lately? Can someone please tell me how we can abolish Ticketmaster? Seriously, I am so tiref of all the fees and bullshit. The tickets were reasonably priced, but with all the fees I end up breaking the bank. I am so sick of it.

This will not ruin the night. I plan on singing along and maybe even doing a little jig. Look for a review at www.fyamag.com in the next week.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"Eli, the Barrow Boy" by The Decemeberists

Chalk it up to too much chilli

Last night I had a dream that I was fired from my current job. I can't remember all the specifics, but she did something rude, and I called her out on it. We started screaming at each other, and she told me to go home and not come back the next day... or ever again. I remember being shocked and worried about what I was going to do.

This morning, when my alarm went off, I actually thought that I was fired. I panicked and thought I was going to have to pretend to go to work so that my parents wouldn't find out until I found another job. I had the whole plan figured out. Then I realized I was a dumbass and got up for another day of the grind.

Thank God my weekend starts now.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Mi Tumbao" by Tres Coronas

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy

I am taking a page out of Marit's playbook, and posting a survey of sorts for my post today. And it's not even officially "today" because it's after midnight. It looks like I will be posting twice tomorrow...

You know what I mean.


1. FIRST NAME? Erin
2. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Not really. Erin Marie is just a really Irish name, and Dad picked it.
3. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? During Wheel of Fortune when the guy one in like 3 seconds and he was so happy.... just read my previous entry.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes.
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey
6. KIDS? Someday...
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDSWITH YOU? Yes, I am a gift.
WHERE IS NUMBER 8?
9.DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes, many.
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes... sometimes I wish I didn't. Maybe I wouldn't snore like a tractor.
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yeah, if someone would pay for me and do it with me.
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Probably Blueberry Morning
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No, I am too lazy. But I always cuss myself out the next time I go to put them on. Will I ever learn?
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes. Physically and mentally.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Cookies and Cream or Black Raspberry chip.
16. SHOE SIZE? 9
17. RED OR PINK? Red
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? probably my gut.
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Britta, she's in Africa working for the Peace Corps. She gets to come home in March!!
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Sure!
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Grey sweatpants, and I'm barefoot.
22. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Scrubs is on the TV in the background.
23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sunshine Yellow
24. FAVORITE SMELL? The perfect amount of men's cologne, fresh laundry, new car
25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Laura
26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU AREATTRACTED TO? Sense of humor and smile
27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I ripped this off of Marit--- she's awesome. Duh.
28. FAVORITE DRINK? Alcoholic: Blue Moon or Carlsburg Non: Diet Coke
29. FAVORITE SPORT? To play: softball or volleyball To watch: Buckeye Football or Yankee baseball
30. EYE COLOR? Blue
31. HAT SIZE? I hav a huge melon. I don't really wear hats.
32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No.
33. FAVORITE FOOD? pizza, macaroni and cheese
34. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATER? Beerfest, I think.
35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. Hands down. The only good think about winter is Christmas.
36. HUGS, KISSES OR BOTH? Both
37. FAVORITE DESSERT? ice cream or cheesecake
38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Tracie or Mike C.
39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Laura--- she doesn't read this blog.
40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? The Sun Also Rises
41. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Dirty Dancing
42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Dancing With the Stars, Friends, Scrubs
43. FAVORITE SOUNDS. Kids laughing, "Your Love" by The Outfield, someone saying my name in a loving manner
44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? both... but if I had to choose... The Beatles.
45. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I can sing and tap dance
46. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? June 8, 1982 in Columbus, OH.
47. WHO SENT this to you? I ripped it off Marit.
48. The one thing you like most about yourself? my sense of humor
49.Who is the one person who knows you better than anybody? My sister, or Laura.
50. One thing you would like to say to those you are sending this to? Thanks for bearing with me.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Leslie Anne Levine" by The Decemberists

Holy Trashy TV, Batman!!

Beverly Hills 90210 is now on DVD! This marks one of the most exciting days of my life. Oh man... even typing that is so sad.

My parents told me I wasn't allowed to watch it, because of the racy material. So I did what any other prepubescent girl would do. I watched it at a friend's house. Duh! There was NO way I was going to miss a juicy moment of that show.

And no joke, I wanted to be Brenda when I was younger because of my huge obsession with Dylan. Obviously, when he and Brenda broke up and he started boning Kelly, I wanted to be Kelly. There was a definite science to it all. My friends and I would ride around on our bikes, pretending they were cool California cars, and drive to see our 90210 boyfriends.

I had a Luke Perry keychain that I purchased at the mall. If I were allowed to hang posters on my walls, they would have been adorned with Dylan and his ever-so-cool eyebrow raise. Oh dear god... so hot.

Now I know what to ask in my stocking!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Rebel Yell" by Billy Idol

That time already?

I legitimately cried at the end of Wheel of Fortune tonight as I watched a man figure out the puzzle and win a Cadilac. He was so excited and his family was screaming and jumping and hugging and it looked like this was the best thing to ever happen to him. It was so heart warming, and I am seriously thrilled for that guy.

Although I find myself to be a caring and compassionate person, tears somehow does not seem to be the appropriate response to Wheel of Fortune. I mean tears of rage towards Pat Sajack would actually make more sense.

A glance to my calendar and some simple math revealed that I'm due for the monthly visitor.

But I'm still pumped for that guy. Now excuse me while I go torture myself with "The Notebook."

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Cocaine Habit" by Old Crow Medicine Show

Remember when...

...you got your senior photos taken, and the photographer made you do that completely unnatural geeky lean your face on your fist pose?

7 years later it's good to know that I am still an incredible nerd.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

"Push It" by Salt and Peppa

True or False?

"All is fair in love and war."


Do you agree?

I have been doing a little of what I like to call "man juggling" lately. Not that I am seeing anyone, but I have been entertaining a few crushes on a few different guys, and have engaged in the act of flirting. The response has been good and there has been a significant spring in my step. But while my footsteps are all bouncy-like, it has made me completely psychotic.

While I usually don't talk about my love life on this thing (or the complete lack thereof), I don't really have anything else on my mind right now other than men. This would apparently make me boy crazy.

** Side note: my friend Rob's mother used to call girls "boy-crazy" when she thought they were slutty. I think that is so cute.

Alright, well this blog entry sucked donkey balls, but I said I would try and update everyday.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Careful" by Guster

My Grillz

I thought since people have been missing my writing, they would also be missing my face. Here's a recent photo.

You're welcome.

I got my front toof knocked out in a street fight, so I replaced it with a gold one. Standard.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "The World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies

Calling Magnum P.I.

I had a dream last night and I really didn't want to wake up this morning. I don't know how to say this or if I should admit this to the world, but........ it was a sex dream about Tom Selleck. And it was HOT.

The setting was a cliche and a little weird: a lodge/cabin type of room where we made the sweet, sweet love on a bear skin rug that was layed ontop of a waterbed. There were moose and deer heads displayed on the wall and the room smelled of pine trees.

Yes, my dream was straight out of a 1970s porno. But I guess that's ok, because I was doing the hibbity dibbity with 1970s version of Tom Selleck. His moustache was glorious. His skin was tanned to perfection. If he would have been wearing clothes, I am sure they would have been short shorts and a button down Hawaiian shirt that let his ever-so-manly chest hair peek out the perfect amount. Whew... I am getting all hot and bothered just thinking about it.

I will just forget the fact that Tommy Boy is 5 years older than my dad and 10 years older than my mom. Regardless of age, Magnum P.I. can investigate my privates anytime.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Bossy" by Kelis