Bikes For Tykes

This weekend my sister Megan (Reverand Blue Jeans, Meggie Applehead, Meggo the Leggo) is participating in Bike For Tykes, a bike ride from Cincinnati to Bowling Green, where she attends college. This event is joined with Dance Marathon to raise money for children with cancer.

She started this morning, and she already called us to let us know that she was still "in it to win it" although one girl had already quit. This bike ride across the state makes my measily 20 mile walk in August look like a trip from my bedroom to the kitchen.

Basically I wanted to dedicate this post to her, to let Megs know how proud I am of her to take on such a major feat of athleticism and mental strength.

So wish her luck/tell her she did a good job (because she won't be able to read this until Sunday when she gets back)

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "Song For the Dumped" by Ben Folds Five

I AM A GOLDEN GOD!

On Valentine's Day I interviewed with an entertainment paper here in Columbus that I REALLY wanted to write for. My interview went well. I was the perfect combination of professional and personal and even added a dash of witty. I left with a spring in my step, because I thought I had the job in the bag.

The next day, they called me to write a "try-out" story for the next step in my application process. Things were moving fast, and I was pumped. So I wrote the most exciting story I could for the topic they gave me: the parking situation in this certain part of downtown Columbus.

But after I submitted my entralling piece on parking garages and meter spaces, I did not hear anything for a few weeks. I tried to balance on that thin tightrope between self-assured/assertive and pushy/annoying. So I only inquired of their decision once. But in the world of job interviews, no news is usually not good news, and although I tried to remain optimistic, this case was no different.

I did not get the job, and I am royally bummed out. I got my generic rejection letter in the mail on Friday, and I immediately wished I was back at Miami sitting at CJ's Bar getting my free beer. For every rejection letter for a job or grad. school, they would do their best to console you with liquid happiness.

At the risk of sounding pompous, aside from romantic liasions, I am not used to being turned down. But it's becoming more of a constant in my life as I continue in this job search. And it's starting to piss me off. Usually, after such a letdown, I retreat to my bedroom and halt the job search altogether. I whole heartedly admit this isn't the smartest course of action, and it definitely has prolonged my residence at home with my folks.

But this time, I turned to something that used to inspire me in my quest to become a music journalist. I popped in Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous, and because of the combination of classic music and great storyline, I felt uplifted and eager to jump back in the saddle, and strive to get back to NY and interview at Rolling Stone. Or as I like to call it: Mecca.

But I know there is a long road between Westerville and Manhattan, and it's not going to be an easy one. I have accepted that I am not yet the writer I need to be, in order to fufill my dreams. Oddly enough, a movie can make you realize facts that were hard to admit, but watching Almost Famous (and the genius that is Jason Lee) will become a part of the prescription to ailing the ache of rejection... along with a pint of ice cream. (How cliche!)

"You CANNOT make friends with the rock stars. That's what's important. If you're a rock journalist - first, you will never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. And they'll buy you drinks, you'll meet girls, they'll try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs... I know. It sounds great. But they are not your friends. These are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of the rock stars, and they will ruin rock and roll and strangle everything we love about it."

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Now Playing: "I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song" by Jim Croce

100 Things about me...

Most probably don't care, but I keep seeing these lists and I figured I could make one too.

1. I am proud to be both very Irish and very Italian. I think I was born with a beer in one hand and a meatball in the other. (that wasn't sterotypical or anything, was it?)

2. I have a very high tolerance for alcohol.

3. but a very low tolerance for racism.

4. I graduated from Miami University. Go Redhawks.

5. I majored in Journalism and Creative Writing. But I work as a screen printer for a logo apparel company.

6. I think I still don't have a job in the writing, because I never had an internship while I was in college.

7. I wish I was back at Miami, and make frequent trips back with friends.

8. My college friends are just as big as boozehounds as I am.

9. I get tired of hearing about the Miami stereotyoe.

10. I have broken every limb.

11. I broke both of my arms in kindergarten, but not at at the same time.

12. I am afraid I will inherit the McCalla "morph toe." Which is basically a gnarly toenail on your big toe.

13. My birthday is my favorite holiday.

14. St. Paddy's Day is a close second.

15. I would give anything for a pint of Carlsburg right now.

16. I try to drink a gallon of water a day.

17. I would rather drink a stein of Hefeveizen instead.

18. That is probably why I have a bit of a beer gut.

19. My sister Megan is my best friend.

20. I call her Reverand Blue Jeans or Meggie Applehead.

21. I make up nicknames for a lot of my friends. I really don't know why.

22. I love weddings.

23. I am planning on attending at least 4 in the next year.

24. I am kind of jealous of the brides, but the thought of me getting married right now makes me crap my pants.

25. I have peed my pants and thrown up in my own bed before.

26. I can talk about really gross stuff, but I will throw up at a mere whiff of an unpleasant smell.

27. I am always down for a dance party.

28. Top three favorite late night dance party songs: "Your Love" by the Outfield, "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey and "Don't You Want Me" by Human League.

29. I am a big fan of fist clenching songs such as "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins.

30. I took dance lessons for 14 years and was a pretty good dancer. I performed in kick lines and won a first place for my solo number my senior year in HS.

31. I can still tap dance and would love to perform again sometime.

32. And it's things like that why I don't feel like an adult.

33. I sing in a band called Alum Valley. Even though my band gets paid, I don't see any of that money. Ever.

34. I just want to be creative and get paid a lot of money for it.

35. I thought writing 100 things about myself would be easier.

36. I am participating in a 20 mile walk this summer called The Overnight. It is for suicide awareness and prevention.

37. If you would like to support me with a monetary donation you can do so here

38. A blogging friend has already supported me, and this was amazing to me. I can't tell her how much I appreciate it.

39. I understand money is tight, and would love a letter of encouragement instead.

40. I am walking in honor of my cousin Michael who killed himself last June on his birthday.

41. I think about him and miss him everyday.

42. I try not to talk about him that much because it makes people sad or uncomfortable.

43. But in not talking about him, I sometimes lash out in irrational emotional episodes.

44. I hate when I lose my shit, and when I cry in public.

45. It makes me feel so good when I make people laugh.

46. I can't stand it when people don't understand my humor.

47. I think those people are stupid.

48. I could easily spend a million dollars on shoes.

49. I like the look of my feet, but I think I am getting a morph toe. Kill me.

50. When sandal season comes around, I get all excited and try on all of them and walk around my room modeling different pairs.

51. Yes, I know that is REALLY weird.

52. I am a sucker for bagpipes.

53. My favorite Irish drinking song is " The Holy Ground."

54. I want to get a celtic tree of life tattooed on my back

55. and an italian horn on my wrist.

56. But I probably never will, because I am a pussy, and I am afraid I won't want them when I get old.

57. I have been to Europe. England and Ireland to be exact.

58. I got the traveling bug, but don't have any money to act on it.

59. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend to do said traveling with.

60. My longest steady, consecutive time relationship is 3 months.

61. There are days that I don't think I will ever find someone to love.

62. This is my biggest fear: that I will die without ever really loving someone.

63. I often go to concerts by myself.

64. Music plays a major role in my life, and I don't know if I would be here without its sanctuary.

65. I can school you in music trivia.

66. I used to be a music snob, but I realized I liked too many bad 80s songs for me to judge anyone else's taste.

67. But I still hate Rush and I always will. (JUST ACCEPT IT HANNI!)

68. I play a mean air guitar.... and air drums...and air sax. Let's just say I am an awesome air musician.

69. I can't play any REAL instrument fluently. I am not Mariah Carey... I don't call my voice, my instrument.

70. I sing at weddings and funerals and dive bars.

71. I would love to get more gigs and eventually become a famous singer/songwriter.

72. But I would never try out for American Idol.

73. Why? Because my musical heroes wouldn't have done such a thing.

74. My musical heroes are Jim Morrison, Bob Marley, Neil Young, Dave Matthews and Ben Folds to name a few.

75. But there is still a part of me that still wants to perform on Broadway.

76. Not so guilty pleasure: Dirty Dancing

77. I pick my nose in private... and sometimes in front of my sister to gross her out.

78. If I could choose the way I die, it would be trying to save someone else's life.

79. I am an organ donor.

80. But I kind of am freaked out at the thought of someone getting my eyes, eventhough that is rare.

81. I am a frequent patron of gay bars.

82. I am tanorexic. It's a word I made up for my neverending urge to be tan. And never thinking I am tan enough.

83. I'm addicted to late night reruns of Law and Order, Sex and the City, Friends and The Family Guy.

84. I often stay up til 4 a.m..... even if I am not drinking.

85. I could go for another Carlsburg right now.

86. Carlsburg actually makes me really gassy.

87. But it's worth it.

88. I want kids and already have some names picked out.

89. But I don't think I would artificially inseminate myself or adopt if I wasn't with someone to help me raise them.

90. I don't care to talk politics, religion or monetary status in a heated way. I believe no one wins in those arguments.

91. I want a breast reduction.

92. I would cut off my toe (probably the morph one) to get the chance to make out with Colin Farrell.

93. My favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird.

94. I consider myself a writer but am scared that I will never cut it.

95. I'm obsessed with pirates, unicorns and ninjas.

96. I know every single word to the musical "Rent"

97. I cry everytime I listen to the score, or see the play or movie.

98. I can take a nap at any time.

99. And fall asleep almost anywhere.

100. I am sorry I am not more interesting. I honestly thought I could make this funnier.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Now Playing: "Wish I" by Jem

GUYS Gone Wild?

Has anyone seen the new "Guys Gone Wild" commercials? Basically it is the same premise as the Girls Gone Wild videos, but with guys.... Yeah, weird.

I think its funny because they usually follows a TV evangalist commercial telling me/yelling at me that God has the answers and that other feverish hoopla. First you can spend some time double clicking your own mouse (or if you are into boys: jerkin' yer gerkin') to the Guys Gone Wild videos and then repent for your sins at 9 a.m. Sunday mornings on Fox 28 with the Harvest Christian Fellowship Church. Perfect.

Basically the advertisement boasts that:

"Guys Gone Wild is real, raw, and features totally uncensored hunks that you’ll want to watch again and again!"

Now I have seen a few porns in my day, but I have never seen the same one twice. I highly doubt this DVD would be included on my next Meme under movies I could watch over and over.

"From naked, 2nd story jumps into the hotel pool, to pizza deliveries in the buff, guys don’t get any sexier than this!"

First of all, this may be the maternal instinct talking... or BASIC street smarts to know that it is a terrible idea to jump from the 2nd story into a pool. How many times do we have to hear of a tragic balcony jumping incident during Spring Break?

Second, I can think of... oh.... ANYTHING sexier than a spead eagled, flacid penis, belly-flopping into a pool. Also... I have yet to EVER have a good looking pizza delivery guy come to my door, and the thought of them naked actually makes me want to become a nun.

Is anyone REALLY going to buy these videos? My guess would be gay men, because the previews show men getting naked.... together. That is not hot to the average straight woman. Dudes getting naked together doesn't have the same effect on women, as chicks getting naked together, has on men.

To top it all off, they are 20 bucks A PIECE. I vaguely remember a guy friend in college justifying his Girls Gone Wild purchase because they were 2 tapes for 10 dollars. IF I were to be struck many times in the frontal lobe and I lose all sense of reality and actually order Guys Gone Wild, why would I have to pay more for my low grade porn? It's just not fair!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Now Playing: "Solitary Man" by Neil Diamond