But to wait for you is all I can do, and that's the chance I've got to take....

I got a call on my house phone yesterday, which means a few things....

1. I lost my purse and cell phone and some man found it on the side of the road and is trying to return it by calling the "home" listing in my phone book.

2. Someone is trying to make me donate to some sort of charity, or give blood, or sell me credit card insurance....

3. Rolling Stone is calling to let me know if I got the job or not...

Well it turned out to be #3, and unfortunately all my dreams were shattered in a matter of minutes. I, to my extreme dismay, did not receive the internship and will not be making the move to NYC in a few weeks. (well, at least to start working for RS.)

So I bit my lip to keep the knot from welling in my throat and proceeded to be actually charming and witty, and not sweaty.... all of the things that managed to escape me at the time o my interview. I even informed her of my extreme anxiety during said interview and she assured me that it wasn't my performance, just that there weren't that many slots open when I intervied and that I wasn't experienced enough yet. She is super cool and wants me to keep in touch. To be friends? Not quite sure, but nontheless, a nice gesture.

So after I hung up the phone, I cried a little and then played "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins on iTunes. I didn't realize getting turned down from your dream job would feel like a breakup, but let me tell you.... it does. I did the drum solo with explicit precision as the words sung held poignant veracity. Fist clenching moments were at an all time high, because... well you just can't help.

So take a look at me now Rolling Stone, there's just an empty space. There's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face. Take a look at me now, there's just an empty space (said again for dramatic effect) You coming back to me is against all odds, and that's what I got to face.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Opposite Day

Actual conversation:

FreshZ: i haven't read your blog for a long time. i just caught myself up

Yrtle: good work grasshopper

Yrtle: anything that tickled your fancy?

Yrtle: and by the way.... WHAT IS A FANCY?!?

Yrtle: and WHY ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO TICKLE IT?

FreshZ: stop it seinfeld. i'm not exactly sure, but i did have an intense "opposite day" conversation earlier

Yrtle: who did you have that convo with?

Yrtle: opposite day.... gosh I remember those

FreshZ: my account exec

FreshZ: her premise was this: how are you supposed to announce opposite day if saying it would mean it's the inverse?

Yrtle: wow.... good question

FreshZ: it got pretty tricky

Yrtle: I guess you would say OPPOSITE DAY starting after I say the word "now".... NOW!

FreshZ: ooooooooooo

FreshZ: i'll have to share that with her, good thinking

Yrtle: thanks

FreshZ: hold on...i'll see what she says

WAIT FIVE MINUTES

FreshZ: the results are in.... she appreciated the idea

FreshZ: however, found it to be a slight cop out

FreshZ: defeating the idea of opposite day

Yrtle: cop out why?

FreshZ: it got really technical. i don't think i can rehash.

FreshZ: i think we'll just have to leave this one in the same category as the bermuta triangle and black holes: an unexplainable pheonomenon

Yrtle77: very true

Jess, I will hopefully soon be in NY so we can skip down the street arm in arm whistling a delightful, bouncy tune.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Westerville North Class of 2000...

Oh dear, what an evening I suppose I had on Friday.

Things I may or may not regret doing at my high school reunion:

-Double fisting a double jack and coke and a beer for practically the entire evening, and blacking out around 1 a.m.

-Buying almost everyone there a shot, and running up my bar tab to ridiculously high amounts.

-Telling everyone there that Kevin P. is still a giant dickhead, and that I HATE HIM.

-Having a half hour conversation about the friendship my father and I have to the guy whose locker was next to mind in H.S.

-Losing my purse on the corner of Sunbury and Morse, and having a homeless man find it in the morning and call my house to inform my parents of its retrieval. (Don't even know how it ended up there.... I am speculating it was left on the roof of the car and it fell off...)

-Kissing a girl's pregnant tummy.

-Introducing myself to a girl I graduated with thinking she was just a girlfriend or fiance or wife of someone there.

-Crying on the way home, because I "love my parents so much."

-Throwing up next to the toilet and trying to clean it up with face wash.

Good thing I have stayed so classy these 5 years... I think I might just have to skip the 10 year, and show up to the 15.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere....

Oh but Frank, I don't know if I can....

I am kinda pissed because this is the second time I am writing this post, so I am sure it will not be as clever as the first, because there is nothing more annoying that having to re-write something that was erased.

Having said that.... I spent the last 3 days in NYC. I went out to the Big Apple for an interview with my view of journalism mecca.... Rolling Stone. The interview went decently well. I wasn't 100% my usual charasmatic, witty self, but I answered their random questions honestly, sincerely, and with a tinge of nervosa. It was to be expected. I was extremely uncomfortable in the suit I was wearing because contrary to popular belief, it ISN'T fun putting pantyhose on in no A/C, then piling on layer after layer of clothing until my hair was drenched from the liters of sweat pouring out of my large melon. I didn't think it was possible, but I did in fact sweat THROUGH my suit jacket. Move over Right Said Fred, because I am TOO SEXY. Being that physically uncomfortable HAD to have leapt over and somewhat clouded my situation, but I hope they find it in their heart to sypathize with the "sweaty kid in class."

After taking my B.O. taxi ride (the driver.... not me, although I was sweating like a monkey on crack, I HAD in fact heard of deoderant before and used liberally only an hour before) back to Jess' apartment, and fumbling with the multiple keys to enter her apartment building, I come to find that it had been broken into and robbed via the fire escape. So I call the police in an out-of-towner frenzy and frantically explained my situation to a perplexed 911 dispatcher. A police officer promptly arrived 4 hours later to file a report. Basically the place was ransacked and my new digital camera that I have had for 2 months... to the day... was not spared in the process. So I will not be posting any fun NYC pics onto Flickr anytime soon. Now all I have to do is get mugged and see a Broadway show, and I will have had the full New York experience. I CAN'T wait to move!!

Even through all the sarcasm and bitterness, everyone I met was super nice and friendly, contrary to the stereotypes I had heard before my journey. I made new friends from all over the world, including Maria, from Brazil, in town visiting an ex-boyfriend from France. We randomly met her via the Irish bartender at The Hairy Monk (my favorite bar in NY) and we proceeded to hang out with her until I left today. It is the randomness of the city that I am drawn to, and the sheer filth that is keeping me at bay.

If you have hung out with me before, you know I have a problem with smells. My gag reflex concerning these terrible smells is very sensitive. I have been known to throw up on sidewalks after an encounter with some potent fertilizer. NYC is probably the WORST place for people like me.... especially in the summer where the wretched stench festers in the humidity. It is like living in a fat man's jock strap. (Just the smell, not the city.... aside from all the bitching, I really had a good time.)

So what did we learn today boys and girls?

1. Don't steal my stuff.

2. Pay close attention to personal hygene.

3. Don't steal my stuff.

4. All buildings should have central air.

5. Don't fucking EVER steal my fucking stuff.

It's up to you New York.... NEW YORK!

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Suggestion

Go see Phantom of the Opera (the STAGE performance).... do it, do it.

What Happens on the Island, Stays on the Island

Nine of my girlfriends from High School and myself made our way up north to Put In Bay this past weekend. And since the motto is my title above, I cannot divulge too much information on any event that might incriminate anyone other than myself. Because, unfortunately, I have no shame and don't care what most people think or know about me.

So unless any of you 9 want to comment on something embarrassing or funny you did, I will leave you out.

Stupid/funny/embarrassing things I did:

- Danced to "More Than a Woman" by the Bee Gees like it was my favorite song in the entire world, by myself, in a scarcely populated bar

- Made Lauren take a photo of me "stealing" a golf cart.

- Carried a flask in my purse and made my own drinks in the bar bathrooms.... so sad.

- Made someone take continuous photos of me with a pirate hat on standing on one foot (peg leg), curving my index finger (hook hand), closing one eye (patch) and saying "Arrggh, Shiver me timbers!"

- Invaded a bachelor party and hugged the bachelor every five seconds screaming "I am so excited you are getting married!!" (Like I had known him for years)

- Drunk Dialed a few people in my phone.... shout out to Bill, Elena, Jimmy, Pretty Haired Brad, JT, Brett Larsen, Brett Livingston (who I called thinking I was calling Brett Larsen BOTH Friday AND Saturday nights... so I am ESPECIALLY sorry), Brandon, Captain Joey and Justano Salizar.... that is all my call log held.... if I called and you were not mentioned... Sorry!

That's all I think I can share for now...

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....