Fancy Pu Nasti

This weekend has been a tough one for me, but I was lucky enough to be able to attend Sunday Night Live at Wall Street. A few of the skits and songs were dedicated to my cousin Michael by some of his best friends. (I want to say a special thank you to Jenn, Dale and Matt for putting on such a great show and loving Michael the way you did.)

So back to the show... it was absolutely hilarious! For those of you who don't know, Wall Street is a gay bar and it was Megan (my sister's) first time there. It was nice seeing some old friends I hadn't seen in awhile and I was excited that Megan had finally come with me there. It is such a fun place.

Basically Sunday Night Live is a spin off of Saturday Night Live, only a little more raunchy and a lot more drag show.... and probably a lot funnier too. Some of the skits were spins off of The Dating Game, Grease 2, Green Day (dedicated to Michael), and Simple Life 3. Megan fell in love with an especially beautiful and talented drag queen and was captivated by every performance... as we all were.

It was great to be able to laugh for a few hours rather than cry... eventhough I did cry during a few songs of the show. (It's hard not to during Rent's Seasons of Love sung live.)

Some good quotes of the night:

"He/She is so skinny!!" -Me
"That's what you get when your diet is crystal meth! I just want to forcefeed her KFC!" -Matt

"Wow, it's hard to believe a drag queen would be dancing to Madonna" -Me
"Are you serious? Gay men LOVE Madonna" -Molly
"I know, I was being sarcastic. If Kenton had his way, we would watch the Madonna DVD everynight before we went out." -Me

"When you have more than one drag queen on stage, it always looks like Chucky Fuckin' Cheese." -random girl

"Is it wrong that his dancing is kind of turning me on?" -Miranda

"So was it hard to see the stage around those 2 lesbians making out?" Me to Megan as mom enters the room

Again, if you want to donate for Suicide Prevention and Awareness go to my friend's site:

www.theovernight.org/stridesforshannon

(that's the last plug I swear)

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

Shakespeare

I usually like to keep my blog entires funny (ok... funny to ME at least) and on the surface.

Today is different, so if you aren't interested in all of that, I understand. Just click that box in the upper right hand corner and wait for the next post, because I got some good things cookin' in the kitchen.

There is really no good opener for the tragic news I received yesterday. My cousin and good friend Michael committed suicide. It was also his birthday and he had invited me and some other friends to go out and celebrate him turning 28, he decided to kill himself instead. This had not been an accident, or on whim, but maticulously planned.

My aunt and godmother and Michael's mother, Tami, died a 2 years ago of a sudden stroke. He had taken it the worst and was very troubled. We talked about it, and I should have told him to talk to a therapist or someone smarter than me (everyone). But I thought he was just grieving like the rest of us.

My friend Meghan Hardy had to go through a tougher experience a few years back with her sister Shannon. Now Meghan is making strides (literally) to get the word out about suicide prevention and awareness. She has enlisted herself and a group of friends to participate in a 20 mile walk called The Overnight. It is in Chicago, and although she has already reached her personal AND team goals, you can still donate if you would like to.

Ironically, I made my donation a mere minute, literally, before I got the call about Michael. Don't ever tell me there is no irony in life.

So if you would like to donate, go to her site:

www.theovernight.org/meghanhardy or her team site www.theovernight.org/stridesforshannon

I am going to try and participate next year.


Thanks for sticking with me on this post if you did. I swear I will try and be funny next time.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....


I Love you Michael.

Romy and Michelle

Westerville North Class of 2000,

It is upon us.... August 12, 2005 marks the date of our 5 year class reunion. More details coming soon.

I still haven't decided if I will be attending the get together to "celebrate" high school and everything that went along with it. Don't get me wrong, I honestly could not have asked for a better high school experience. Not everything was perfect though, and the wounds are a little too fresh from all the high school bullshit that I didn't have to deal with in college.

I also don't want to explain over and over that I still live with my parents, and the highlight of my evening is watching "AFI's Top 100 memorable movie lines" with my Dad. (By the way, it was worth every minute of the 3 hours. Dad and I placed bets on the #1 memorable line, and he won.--"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.") <----- See! How pathetic! That is how I get my ya-yas! (What exactly ARE ya-yas?)

I also don't have the most thrilling of jobs... or even something that remotely uses my degree. I could say I am a "business woman in town on business" (but people just MIGHT ask WHAT kind of business I do) or that I invented Post-Its, (It's been done) or I could use my Miami Homecoming lie and say I make truffles by rolling the gnosh. But that is only funny to me and a few choice fellow Miamians.

Also.... it seems that EVERYONE from my class is either married, engaged, or engaged to be engaged or at least sleeping with someone pretty regularly. All of which... I am not. Which is really fine with me. (LIES) I just don't want to have to hear about everyone else's weddings or engagements or hot steamy sex stories without having one of my own. BUT since it is a FACT that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, I could (to quote my dear square root Aaron) "go to the 5 year and see who all is married, and then go to the 10 year to see who has divorced in those years in between the reunions." Is that wrong? It feels a bit vengeful and bitter, since I have no one to divorce... I don't care.

So until I have to make a decision, I might hit the gym a bit more frequently and could also start taking applications for a hot to trot boyfriend. (Seriously... hot to trot? I need to move out of my parents' house.)

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Retardo

Ok, so I am slightly ashamed to admit it, but this week in my list of obsessions is the VH1 reality show "Kept" where Jerry Hall grooms a group of guys to be her boy toy and I swore to myself I would never watch it.... but alas I was sucked in.

So if you know what is good for you, do NOT call my cell phone on Thursday nights from 9 p.m.-10 p.m. because I will be glued to the boob tube watching the reality goodness that is Kept.

I mostly blame my sister for exposing me to the sinful show, that I snobbily refused to tune into for the first 2-3 episodes. Now we are both hooked into not only the show itself by yelling at the screen, but we have also ventured onto the website voting who we like best. (we are both fans of Austen.) Absolutely shameful. I have reached the last strings of my dignity.

So here are my less guilty obsessions this week:

Song: "An Honest Mistake" - The Bravery

Drink: Strawberry Daiquiri

Book: A Home at the End of the World

Concert: Dave Matthews Band - June 7, 2005

Quote: "The envious die not once, but as oft as the envied win applause." ~Baltasar Gracian


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

June 8, 1982

On this day 23 years ago, a gift was given to the world in the form of a baby girl.

Happy Birthday to me!


Slaminky Malargy to you and yours....

Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me

ALL ABOARD... TOOT TOOT! (Party train comin' through.)

I just got home from probably one of the best weekends of my life. 18 friends from Miami and myself escaped to Gatlinburg for a getaway weekend or also dubbed GB '05. (Shout out to Annie, Kelly, Olivia, Elena, Lauren, Bill, Bob, Joe, Clancy, Anne, Irwin, Herb, Susan, Jimmy, Wise, Rob, Kyle and Dave.)

I had to drive alone because I was the only one from Columbus on the trip. But I rented a book on tape, *pushes nerd glasses up* and was actually so entertained I was looking forward to the ride home *getting nerd wedgie from a bully*.

So I get there and the cornhole and the heavy drinking begins. Some of the "crew" had been there for a night already and I had some catching up to do. Well the beer was flowing like wine and I was soon hammed up and having a great old time. As always there was a killer dance party where we continued to serve each other until the wee hours of the morning. As always Elena brought her A-game and Billy tried to return her moves only by busting his chin on the concrete floor in a failed attempt at "the worm" (which he usually is quite skilled at.) Irwin was a smooth criminal with his sunglasses on for the better part of the evening definitely breaking out a move or two. In my own sad dellusional mind, I feel I had a some pretty sweet bumps and maybe even grinds to contribute.... especially when my "stripper song" came on ("You can leave your hat on") and all the girls acted out separate versions of lap dances and sexy shimmy-ing, while the boys looked on in wonder/amusement. Rob, who just may be everyone's new favorite person was commander of the air guitar and brought the party to new levels of rocking out.

God, I miss college.

We also had beautiful weather on Saturday and took our alcoholism on tour to the river to go cabrewing. A 3 hour tour turned into 4 or 5 because of frequent pit stops for shotgunning beers, smoking, snake bites (not the alcoholic beverage, but a reptile snack), near death capsizings and obviously.... urination breaks.

One of the best parts was 5 minutes into the trip, and Anne and Jimmy JUST got into their canoe and they tip causing their beer and clothes to scatter into the river. Elena DECLARED them the most awkward pair as they steered themselves into the shore for the next 15 minutes. They finally did get the hang of their oars and proceeded to be the head of the pack for most of the trip.

Elena and I were in the same canoe and polished off a case of beer plus whatever else we shotgunned. I think everyone else was on the same pace because we all were pretty hammed up by the time we were back on shore.

Upon arriving back at our pimped out cabin, some decided to be smart and take a nap or quit drinking for an hour or two. But since smart and my name rarely go in the same sentence, I continued to imbibe on the sweet nectar of barley and hops and then later lime vodka and sunny D until I was compelled to travel next door to the neighbors to chat with Ronnie, the 59-year-old grandfather of the family renting the cabin to the right of us. I honestly bullshat with that man, who HAS to think I am absolutely crazy, for about a half hour. Topics of our conversation included: him having 4 girlfriends... but his main squeeze is married (her "old man" can't provide everything she needs), his dead wife, my maternal instincts and my readiness to become a mother (WHAT?), country music, and who knows what else. I swear, I would really have to try to be more weird and random, but apparently I am working on it.

I surprisingly did not have many injuries from the weekend other than my right index fingernail from cracking so many brew-doggs. If that is wrong.... I don't want to be right. But others on the trip were not as lucky:

Billy, Clancy and Bob had the idea that with a little rain, our backyard was instantly a giant slip 'n slide and belly flopped across to reveal the grass was more crabby and rocky than slick. They were left with scratch marks down their stomach and backs that were oh so hot.

Billy also cracked his chin doing the worm, as mentioned before.

Clancy accidentaly chucked a tennis ball at Olivia's chest that left a red welt, but then later had a soccer ball kicked in his face by Herb which caused a bloody nose.

Susan picked up a baby cottonmouth snake and was promptly bitten... thankfully the snake's fangs were not developed enough to break the skin and inject the venom into her veins.

Irwin and Wise flipped their boat only to have Clancy and Bill charging through the wreckage and almost killing them both.

Lauren's stomach, Pablo, was acting up a little causing her to throw up after eating a couple hot dogs, but being a true champ, this did not slow her down. A special thanks to her for for putting this whole trip together. You are the best.

Weekends like this make me so happy and sad at the same time. These are some of the best people I know.

Slaminky Malargy to you and yours...

P.S. THAT'S HOT.

P.S.S. That shit is bananas.... B-A-N-A-N-A-S (eventhough I hate that song)

Modern Day Rumpelstiltskin

Yrtle77: what did you do today?

goldfish82: did some pilates, wrote a 5 page email, mowed the lawn, then laid on the freshly mown lawn and read

Yrtle77: did you dance with the lawn mower? Fred Astaire style?

goldfish82: i did

goldfish82: father figure came on right at the end

goldfish82: and i belted it out

goldfish82: i also may or may not have attempted the high notes in "I wanna be your lover" by prince

Yrtle77: ooo nice

Yrtle77: I love George Michael and Prince

Yrtle77: and anyone who doesn't is lying

goldfish82: i would breed babies and hand them over to the person who could grant me prince's vocals

Yrtle77: i wish george michael was straight

goldfish82: yeah...don't we all